Alias-Parody

Sydney : That sounded like mom. Jack : No, it couldn’t be her. Irina, from a faraway distance : You ridiculously stupid moron! Jack : Yeah, that’s her.

Jack : My APO life and my personal life are always interfering with each other. Sydney : ... You have a personal life?!

Irina : Oh Vaughn no, you are not worthless. Organs are extremely expensive on the black market.

Jack : You know what my problem is? I'm too emotionally intelligent. I always know what people are feeling. It's impossible to have all that information and to not manipulate them. It's a curse. Sydney : Sorry, I couldn't listen, after "I'm too emotionally intelligent".

Irina : I’ve made a lot of enemies in my time. And I really mean a lot. But out of all the people in the world... I hate you guys the least.

Irina : If you need anything, just ask. Vaughn : I... Irina : Someone else.

Jack : An unopened door is a happy door so we never answer when someone knocks. Sydney : What, we just sit there? Jack : Yes. Sydney : So the doorbell goes and we just sit there until the person goes away? Jack : Yes. Sydney : What if it’s important? What if it’s good news? Jack : This is the APO, Sydney. It’s not someone with cake! Unless that cake is made of dog poo and knives!

Sydney : Mom it's time to tell me the truth! The whole truth. Irina : Sydney, truth take time, my earings already told you that! Sydney : Well I waited enough! Irina : Alright, hope you're ready... Irina : The truth is to always use more spinach and less rice than you think you'll need. Irina : The second truth is that fresh air, warm sun, and a cup of tea will make your problems small enough to start handling. Irina : The third truth is that violence sometimes really is the answer. Irina : That's enough truth for now.

Irina : I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So I simply did myself.

Vaughn : What's your answer to the trolly question? Irina : Run over the one guy and then set the train in reverse. Vaughn, in horror : To run over the other five guys? Irina : No, because I forgot my wallet at home. Irina : Yes, of course to run over the other five guys, you idiot!

Sydney : You know what dad? I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are! Jack : Okay. Sydney : ... Sydney : Actually, it’s going to bug me if I don’t.