Allowing Myself to Become Completely Incontinent
So here we are at the end of my trial! Two whole weeks of living my life without using any bowel control at all, and my gosh, I have learned so much! If you are one of the many new people to my blog and have no idea what the heck I’m talking about, please check out this post for info about what the trial is, and then this post for my week one update, before reading this one.
With that out of the way, I think I want to start this post with a bit of reflection and a look back at the important progression of my relationship with messing and my worsening bowel control over the past eleven and a half months as I untrained my bladder.
At first, I actually really hated everything messing related, and wanted nothing to do with that side of things at all, which is why I started untraining with only the intention of losing bladder control. Just losing bladder control was not to be though, and when I started having my first messy accidents, I still hated it, but I was kind of forced to start experiencing messing myself whether I wanted to or not. Not long after that, I started to dislike messing less as I grew more accustomed to having my accidents and dealing with the cleanup, and then eventually, it got to a point where accidents were just a normal part of my daily life.
The last piece of the puzzle, and where I was at before deciding to start this trial, was when I found myself starting to get really sick of dealing with the constant discomfort of trying to stop myself from messing every single day, while also failing at that a lot of the time anyway and filling my diapers at random times and sometimes in really bad situations.
So it is that we find ourselves at the end of my trial, where I’ve spent the past fourteen days living my life as if I have no bowel control at all, all for the purpose of seeing whether I should just give up all what little control I have left to live a more comfortable life with more predictable messing, or whether I should keep fighting each day to try and hold on to what bowel control I do have.
Well, I’m not going to waste your time by pretending I’m unsure or haven’t made up my mind yet, ha ha. It’s also probably pretty clear from the various hints I’ve dropped (the title isn’t exactly ambiguous either : P ) and the fact that I literally put up a picture of myself in a very messy diaper and talked about how much I loved how full it was, what my final decision on the subject might be.
I’ll come right out and say, I’ve loved these past two weeks more than I could possibly have imagined I would. For close to eight months, ever since I started having my messy accidents, I resisted giving up my bowel control, despite many people telling me over and over that I should just give in and that it would be for the best, but these past two weeks have finally taught me just how much better living with no bowel control is for my life, and how much less stressful it really is compared to trying to keep my control.
I’ve even had friends tell me how much happier I act and sound just in the time I’ve been doing this trial and how noticeable the difference is, and I believe them. Just imagine, if you had gone through constant discomfort every day for months on end as you tried to keep your bowel control, and then suddenly all of that discomfort and those worries were taken away, I’m sure you might feel a little happier too, ha ha.
So, my final decision is that going forward, I am going be giving up all of my remaining bowel control, and I will be fully committing myself to complete and total incontinence from here on out.
With that said, I think my body is already getting on board with this new way of things (either that or I just ate something weird), because just today I experienced for the first time messing myself three times in one day. This came as quite a surprise for me as you can probably imagine, especially because the second time ended up happening in the middle of the day, just as I was about to change into a new diaper.
At the time, I had already laid out and powdered a fresh diaper to put on, and right as I was undoing the tapes on my used diaper I had this sudden feeling that my body was pushing. This feeling kind of came out of nowhere to be honest, because I hadn’t really felt like I needed to mess or that there was any weight in my bowels at all prior to this. Regardless of what I was thinking though, I had about ten seconds from the time I noticed the pushing in my body, to the start of me messing the diaper I had just been untaping.
I guess this is either a hint of what is to come in my bowel untraining, or, like I mentioned earlier, just a side effect of eating something that my stomach didn’t like. I’m kind of hoping that it’s the former of those two because, just like with my bladder untraining, I want my messing and the feeling in my bowels to be as unnoticeable as possible if I can make it that way. I’ve heard more than once about some people who only notice themselves messing halfway through it happening or right as they finish, so I don’t think this is an unreasonable expectation to have either. With any luck, I’ll eventually be like that, and messing will start to blend into the background of my diaper wearing, just as something that happens but that isn’t at all a big deal.
The final thing that I wanted to mention before wrapping things up, is that on the advice of several friends and people who have experience with bowel untraining, I’ve started taking a fiber supplement every day to keep my messing regular and my bowels healthy : ) I actually already love this and am really happy about it because I’m experiencing an amazing effect of getting lots of fiber that I didn’t even know about before I started taking it. It turns out when you get a bunch of fiber, your messes are insanely easy to clean up, like no matter what you eat.
My time for changing a messy diaper has been cut down to, at most, five minutes, and it’s the most painless and simple messy changes that I have ever had in my life, ha ha. It’s almost like the mess doesn’t stick to your skin or something when you get lots of fiber, even after sitting down for long periods of time, and I am just so thrilled about it!
It’s like, by taking chlorophyll and a fiber supplement every day, I’ve now made a huge difference in the two biggest downsides to messing for me, the smell, and the cleanup. Not only am I changed out of a messy diaper and into a fresh one within five minutes, I also deal with next to no smell at all. It’s kind of like a dream come true, to be honest, and just these two things have given me so much confidence and self-assurance in managing my life going forward with complete incontinence.
So with that, I’m going to be finishing up this update, but I wanted to thank everyone so very much for all of the love and support and advice I’ve received in even just these past two weeks of my trial. The next few months are going to be very interesting I’m sure, and I’ll definitely be keeping you all updated along the way, though perhaps in smaller posts as I notice things happen ^^ I’m very excited for the future and what it holds for me, and I hope you all keep enjoying the ride as you follow along : )
