What children’s media are we overanalyzing this week

thomas the tank engine lives in a totalitarian society

do you ever get into one of those moods where your heart aches and longs for something so deeply but you dont know what and your heart is like a stubborn toddler screaming i want it !!!! please give it to me !!!! And you’re desperately like i don’t know what kind of emotionally fulfilling experience to give you at 3 PM on a Wednesday !!!!!!!!!

Your sixth most recent emoji is how your guardian angel feels about you

OH MY GOD

Being an orange female kitty is already rare, but you had to go adopt the one in a million who can’t cat properly

WAIT! WAIT!! So, are you telling me that actual, normal meow was the sister? Who, seemingly, just meowed at the moment because she saw her sister struggling so she tried to help by giving her an example???

Just by his eyes it’s clear he really is an “exclamation mark in a cat’s body” 😂😂😂

“an exclamation mark in a cat’s body” may be the best description i’ve ever heard

Blathers: Hideous ugly bug. Foul. Absolutely repulsive. Anyway I'm going to lovingly care for this ugly ugly creature. Please bring me more. Thank you. Yuck.

Me to my cats

Can I watch a great film knowing the actresses in it were terrorized and mistreated the entire time? Can I watch a football game knowing that the players are getting brain injuries right before my eyes? Can I listen to my favorite albums anymore knowing that the singers were all beating their wives in between studio sessions? Can I eat at the new fancy taco place knowing when the building that used to be there got bulldozed eight families got kicked out of their homes so they could be replaced with condos and a chain restaurant? Can I wear the affordable clothes I bought downtown that were probably assembled in a sweatshop with child labor? Can I eat quinoa? Can I eat this burger? Can I drink this bottled water? Can I buy a car and drive to work because I’m sick of taking an hour each way on the subway? Whose bones do I stand on? Whose bones am I standing on right now? 

my love language is simple. i *hands you a mushroom sticker* *hands you a rock* *hands you a rock* *hands you a dried flower* *hands you a mushroom sticker* *hands you a twig* *hands you a leaf* *han

Your sixth most recent emoji is how your guardian angel feels about you

As you die, you wake up in a fiery place. You quickly realize you’re in hell. You ask the next demon why you are there, as you lived a very good life. “You’re not being punished”, he says. “You are the punishment.”

You honk in joy. It’s a lovely morning in Hell, and you are a horrible goose.

wish there were some unseen omnipotent voice shouting “WARMER” or “COLDER” everytime i make a decision because i am pretty much flying blind here

my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting

one of these days i’m not even gonna put it in the toaster, just gonna breathe real hard on the bread for a minute and you’ll be like “wow this is perfectly done”

“thank you so much for warming up my bread for me honey, I’m so glad we’re married, I love you” I say to you every time your mean little ass makes toast for me