𝑩𝑬𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑬 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑉𝐴𝑀𝑃𝑌𝑅

❝ Don't let it go to your pretty little head, darling, ❞ His words are pretty and sweet, but caution is laced through his warning. From a distance, the Shadow-Cursed Lands look ominous; however, being in the thick of the gloom is something else entirely. It weighs on him; on the imperceptible; the things he wouldn't consider if it his attention wasn't so acutely honed to these sudden, alien feelings. The way his body feels like its moving through an invisible thickness; the cold prickling down his back that feel like needles. This isn't right. ❝ The longer we stay in this darkness, the worse it will be for us. At least the Drider seems happy with your your presence. Keep it happy, and we don't get on its bad side. ❞

which makes sense, bc he's not in the right space to believe that the progress he's made is enough. yes, he can recognise that he doesn't have to use his body for anyone's satisfaction - that he can make his own choices from here on out - but he's still afraid. bc finding some shred of self-worth is good, but can it protect him? can it stop cazador from taking him again?

his fear is the reason he's so quick to jump on the ritual as The Solution to all of his problems and he doesn't see it until he's right on the verge of making that final choice.

it's a relief when he listens to you, when he understands that seizing the power cazador coveted would change him for the worst... it's also why i think astarion, if left to his own devices, would ascend.

astarion really depends on outside influences to nudge him toward bettering himself; he needs to be shown that carelessly grasping at power may very well lead to his demise. it's something he can't ever achieve on his own bc in his mind, wanting power and taking the drastic steps necessary to achieve it, will always be for his benefit. regardless of how it is he gets there; regardless of who he needs to step over, hurt, discard and kill - his endgame is securing the power to feel safe and be free of cazador's influence.

his romance scene feels like strides are being made in his character development:

Astarion: It should have been so easy to let the drow use me for her fantasy, but perhaps - you showed me I have enough strength - I don't need to.

he's coming to realise he has control of his body, and his future. he sounds hopeful, optimistic, and whether you romance him or not, he's grateful for your support! but the scar/ritual reveal takes things from being hopeful to becoming real dark and sinister real quick. :/

rapahel tells astarion, in no uncertain terms, what the ritual is and what it costs:

Raphael: As you know already, your precious skin is home to one part of a contract between the archdevil Mephistopheles, and your former master, Cazador Szarr. In full, the contract states that Cazador will be granted knowledge of an infernal ritual so vile it has never been performed. The Rite of Profane Ascension. [ ... ] But the ritual has its price, as all worthwhile things do. Lord Cazador will need to sacrifice a number of souls, including all of his vampiric spawn, if he is to ascend.

granted, astarion is only mulling over the information at this point, but in the point between act ii and iii, he leans further in to finishing the ritual for himself. the steps towards progress he made in the prior conversation become irrelevant, and i get why: he sees completing the ritual as a guaranteed way to secure his safety - not just from cazador, but from anyone and anything who may seek to harm:

(if ritual is not completed) Astarion: That ritual was my one shot at security, at independence [ ... ]

but the conversation where he reveals he's interested in the ritual, and implies he's going to complete it himself is so disheartening. again i understand why; he's terrified of being cazador's thrall. and any attempt to dissuade him is met with resistance bc "it's not your choice.":

Player: I wanted to ask about Cazador's ritual. You must be thinking about it? Astarion: The thing that will decide my fate forevermore? Yes, it has been on my mind - why? Player: Do you think we can stop it? Astarion: Well, in theory it's simple: destroy Cazador, stop ritual. That's assuming we want to stop the ritual... What? I've obviously thought about it! If I was the one who completed the ritual, I'd have such power.

astarion is pretty consistent across the board in that he craves power, but the beauty in his story (provided he remains a spawn) is that he's able to find his own strength in his growth and separation from cazador. he doesn't get any of that if he ascends and he is forever doomed to repeat the cycle of abuse and misery, which i'm glad he does come to realise after some reflection:

Astarion: I'm free from him. Forever. Player: And? How does it feel? Astarion: Invigorating? Terrifying? All of the above? I'm still trying to understand it, really. I came so close to losing everything back there. To losing myself.

alternate branching dialogue:

Player: Do you regret turning down all that power? Astarion: Perhaps. It would have been terrible fun. Astarion: But then again, I could feel something slipping away. I came so close to losing myself - losing everything I'd learned since meeting you.

alternate branching dialogue: