Lab Coats and Cigarettes

“It is our desire to have our work outlive us. If my name is remembered because of my accomplishments, then I am truly immortal. Nothing is a greater honor than that.”

Akon from Bleach RP Account

"Oh, interesting. Visored. To what do I owe the interest? Academic pursuit? A desire to better your understanding of your condition through science?"

"... a bigger toothbrush?"

"Ah, apologies sir, but Captain Kurotsuchi is not here at the moment."

"Is there anything I can assist you with? I do believe we may have improved the potency of your favorite sake by approximately 11%, if that piques your interest."

“Is it pronounced Yuh-wach. Or Ju Bach??”

“From everything we’ve been able to discern, the closest we figure is ‘you-ha bahk’.

Hello all! I suppose everyone who follows me deserves an update:

A lot has been going on for me in the past few months. I got a new job, moved to a new city, and then have been swamped between work and depression. I’m hoping to get back and kicking here in the next month, though!

Tumblr’s notifications have been an absolute mess, but if you’d like to interact (I’ll repost this on all my blogs) like this! Also, if we have a thread that I have dropped, please message me and let me know so I can find it!

Thank everyone for their patience, and here’s to hoping an upward swing!

“Oh, is that so?”

“Well, in that case it seems that my timing couldn’t be better. As it happens, I’ve stopped by to bring you my latest formulation of extra-emollient age-reversing hand cream — guaranteed to give you softer, younger-looking skin! Working as you do with harsh and corrosive substances undoubtedly leaves your hands chapped and dry — you really should consider wearing gloves more often.”

“I don’t need de-aging cream!”

A deep breath, and several seconds later, he continues.

“Safety precautions taken within my own division’s laboratory are well-designed and followed. Thank you.”

               “ Tooth decay? Hair loss?? Are ya serious? How come the side effects are so dodgy for a treatment that’s s’posed to promote healing? ” Shinji sidled over to the lanky Lieutenant to peer at the papers in the other’s spindly hands. It was a gibberish mess of random numbers with the occasional line chart thrown in, so obviously Shinji did not waste time attempting to decipher what they all meant. 

               “ So yer seekin’…test subjects from all the other squads for yer ‘lil experimental miracle drug? And my men gotta sign a non-disclosure agreement? ” Shinji’s expression was, at best, politely doubtful. He was also trying not to grimace. 

               “ I don’t agree with havin’ 8 hours of sleep condensed into 45 minutes. Some of us happen to enjoy our time lying around in bed, y’know. Can’t you do something ‘bout that? ”

“Side effects are a normal part of any new drug, and have not been seen in all tests so far. Most, but not all.”

“And as far as the drugs intention, it is less specifically ‘healing’ and more ‘quantum increase of time passage on a body’. Or, to put it in terms you might understand a bit better, it makes time pass faster for you when you take it.”

He gently pulled the report back and away from Shinji’s eyes.

“That is also why I specified that the benefits of an eight-hour sleep can be condensed into 45 minutes. What you do with the extra time is of little concern to me; spend it lounging around in the bed if you wish. However, I do believe that there were certain complaints when tasks were not getting completed. Along the lines of ‘there aren’t enough hours in the day’, I believe.”

She did the exact opposite of Akon’s gentle chastisement and really let her impressive lung capacity shine as she started yelling herself hoarse. Shouting profanities that no normal person should know, she was unleashing her verbal wrath upon him. How dare he suggest that she liked seeing naked bodies?! Especially not a pasty little nude body that belonged to Mayuri!! He had not only dissed her upon their first ever meeting (SHE WAS NOT A BOY, DAMNIT!), but he had continued to make remarks that infuriated her.

“I WILL SHOVE A TEST TUBE UP YER NOSTRIL, AKON! DON’T FUCKIN’ TEST ME!”

She was not going to stand here and be called ridiculous by this guy! He was all mister reason and science lover, but she will definitely solve this problem with the best solution she knew- violence.

Immediately, she was hurtling over to give him a quick old slap with her sandals when he started to lift his lab coat and in a deadpan voice, ask if he should remove more clothing.

Hiyori’s sandal was gripped tightly in her little hand and she was staring at him with a horribly mortified look. “WH-WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY ARE- HOW- SHUT YER DAMN MOUTH! WHERE DID YA LEARN ‘TA TALK LIKE THAT?!”

She was outraged but not just for her own, feminine modesty this time. It was also because-  Akon shouldn’t be speaking like this with anyone!!

“It was a joke,” Akon said with a deadpan voice, dropping the lab coat back into place and smoothing out the wrinkles. “I am capable of making those.”

“Though if such humor is so abhorrent to you, I would advise against being in and around the SRDI for any length of time. Their humor can be... we’ll say crude. Even by my standards.”

While they weren’t terrible people necessarily (well, most of them), the other scientists definitely lacked the social graces that would allow them to work around really any other kind of civilized community. The humor definitely reflected that.

“Now, I realize that as a vizard you get to sit around and do... whatever it is that you like to do all day. But the rest of us are actually quite busy being productive. I may be able to find a dictionary around here if that word is too difficult for you.”

He sighed, knowing he was kicking a hornets nest. But it had been a while since he’d actually enjoyed a conversation with someone, and he was going to make the most of it.

A fun challenge that I saw regarding OC’s, but works easily well with your canon characters! I added all mine in here, just to make it interesting.

Kenpachi: That he can find fulfillment through battle, and that he doesn’t need others to do so.

Akon: That his own life has no worth outside of contributions he brings to Soul Society.

Starrk: That Aizen truly wanted him as a friend, and in his defeat at the hands of Shunsui he failed Aizen and would be punished for it.

Hachi: That his life can someday go back to how it was, serving under Tessai, a respected member of Soul Society.

“I AIN’T IMAGININ’ MAYURI FUCKIN’ KUROTSUCHI NAAAAAKEEEEDD!” She screeches dramatically, a nerve busting in her cheek as she hollers at Akon. In direct contrast to her sputtering and raging, he’s maddeningly calm and looks like this is just another day of discussing the weather.

“THAT IS NO FUCKIN’ CONSOLATION!! I DON’T MAKE A HABIT OF SEEIN’ ANYONE NUDE UNLESS- -” she quickly peters out, catching herself as she imagines one rangy, lean form in her mind’s eye. Shit. Grinning teeth… shiiiiittt. Fair hair, falling into golden eyes…

She’s screwed.

“YER AN IDIOT, AKON!! A BALD, PERVERTED IDIOT! YER WALKIN’ ON STILTS! LIFT UP YER FUCKIN’ LABCOAT, LET THE PERSON YER STANDIN’ ON BREATHE!! I KNOW YER NOT THAT TALL!”

“Please keep your voice down. Most of us still have working eardrums around here.”

He’d hit a nerve, judging by her reaction. Though how he couldn’t begin to guess. There was no logic or reason behind that line of thought.

“Just because you are vertically challenged doesn’t mean I’m standing on someone’s shoulders. You realize how ridiculous that sounds, right?”

Still, he pulls back his lab coat, revealing his standard uniform underneath.

     He had ice-cream for breakfast.

Akon knows what that means.

Hyperactive, mind-boggling new body modification and soul tampering ideas.

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