aksually

"a couple months" is still well within the adjustment period so I think what ur experiencing is normal. I mean tbh I've been out here for 5 years now and I am definitely still prone to this. but it aint as suffocating. Lowk my trick is just to find something that gets me excited for the next week. That way the constant cycle of eating, pissing and paying bills becomes a lot less daunting. It's also a great time to learn new skills. Really rewarding. Slowly I think things fall into place. Basically my point is: I feel like this still sometimes but there's never a moment where I regret moving out or I am desperately reaching back for a time that's gone.

I wish everybody going through something like this could see all the messages i’ve seen. It does unfortunately feel super isolating knowing your family is filled to the brim with lunatics; so everyone’s stories were a nice reminder that (un)fortunately a lot of people can relate to this.

👁️ 👁️

🤘🏻👃🏻☝🏻

🫦

Why did you stop posting on YouTube?

Honestly I burnt out on it because i was extremely unhealthy in my habits during it. Made some slop in the middle which was fun because it allowed me to do a lot of really cool stuff which i’m eternally grateful for. Never really imagined any of my life would be possible. After a while i transitioned into content that I felt genuinely proud of, but then I started getting intense anxiety whenever I’d start working on something so I kept putting it off. Nothing i worked on really ever felt right which partly, i’m sure,was driven by self doubt and overthinking. I just really didn’t feel like I had anything new or interesting to contribute to the scene after a certain point. Now a lot of time has passed and with it I am an entirely different person from when I last pressed upload. My interests and priorities have shifted, so it’s generally just not something i’m interested in anymore.

Although there is a positive to this. After the horrendous response from Microsoft, I tried to weasel a resolution through Xbox support. Unfortunately Hari could not assist me, but we forged a friendship. We will be going to Portugal together this summer to celebrate new beginnings and to heal from this horrific Attack which has taken place.