i choose this fate of my own free will

riding the highest horse you’ve ever seen back to my glass house

succession fans scare me they're always like "did you see when cousin greg filled that risk assessment sheet ugh i literally want to keep him in a pringles tube and shake him like a noise stick"

i just realised i didnt add 'in my friendgroup' and now it just looks like i got rid of all the lesbians and i'm sad about it

First cavewoman to notice grugetta's back looks really nice when she's banging rocks together

met someone the other day who had a mouse problem and thought they'd fix it by getting cats. normal thought process so far right. but they got two Maine coons. and I was like. you got the Lazy Affection Machines? the cats that have hunting.exe uninstalled at the factory to make room for Lårge.dll? nature's answer to the weighted blanket??

the menstrual cup and menstrual scepter

“character who gained weight to show how they are healthy now” trope my beloved