Three Destinations Remedios Varo

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Three Destinations Remedios Varo

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Long Time No See
I think itâs been about a year since I logged into Tumblr. Guess what? On 9/11/16 Iâll be 6 months clean. Also I moved to Cali. Being clean feels different this time.. For once I actually want it. I donât feel like Iâm denying myself the pleasure of heroin. I still think about it everyday.Â
I think of my heroin addiction as an unhealthy relationship, one thatâs really hard to tear yourself from even though you know you deserve better. It convinces you that you need it to live even though itâs destroying your life. I got fed up and I wanted out. I detoxed cold turkey on my friendâs couch.Â
Iâve been writing about heroin a lot recently, just not on the internet. Iâm working on a zine. I feel a bit self-conscious cause my life sounds melodramatic at times and I canât help but ask myself âwhy would anyone care about my life?â but scrolling thru this blog and seeing your words of encouragement makes me feel a little less like a huge narcissist. A lot has happened since I was struggling in grad school (I dropped out) and Iâve got writing to post here, but for now just a little hello.Â
i remember i worked at burger king a few years ago and somehow -probably from someone who worked there - $3000 got stolen out of the register. two managers on duty. you think corporate said no big deal and covered it, no both the managers had to split $1500 out of their paychecks. corporations dont give a fuck what happens at the store they just want their money. go steal some shitty makeup from walmart but just know youâre not taking the money from sam waltons 700 grandkids, youâre taking it from whoever was on duty when you walked out the door
I hate this post and that it has so many notes. These things donât just all work the same way at every place!! You canât generalize like this. Thereâs a huge difference between $3000 missing from the register (which could only happen due to employees) and ppl shoplifting stuff (which corporations have insurance to cover!!!). This is bullshit. This analogy makes no sense. Yes, if your coworker takes $3000 in cash out of the register someone will be in trouble. If you steal some lipstick from Walmart that $4 is NOT coming out of someoneâs check. For fucks sake!!!đ
Yes it does. Because retail stores lay off people based on that storeâs profit. Everything you steal is carefully calculated and if the store has more losses from damage/stolen items people get let go or even fired for not preventing on it.
That's like saying by not shopping somewhere you're hurting workers because if a store doesn't make enough money they lay people off. As if we're all responsible for the success of corporations. I mean geez, what if someone gets laid off because I didn't shop there enough? Loss prevention insurance exists because companies know they will lose money due to damaged or stolen goods... This loss is called shrinkage. It's insured, meaning they get the money back. And by the way, employees steal from their employers at a higher rate than shoplifters, which also makes up part of this shrinkage (along with administrative errors and supplier fraud). If employees were really concerned that shoplifters were going to cost them their jobs, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be stealing at a higher rate than customers do. If there was some sort of shoplifting epidemic and stores were losing more than normal, the employees who would be let go are the people hired specifically to look out for stealing/shoplifting. (And if no one was stealing anything, their jobs wouldn't exist in the first place.) For the last time, stolen merchandise doesn't come out of employees' checks!
Mom: Talk to me about your problems
Me: I'm just stressed out
Mom: YOU'RE stressed out??! I SPEND ALL DAY ON MY FEET COOKING AND CLEANING AND NOBODY DOES CRAP IN THISE HOUSE EXCEPT FOR ME, and YOU'RE stressed out? You don't have any real problems you're a baby.
Interior with mirrored wall, Roy Lichtenstein, 1991

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i remember i worked at burger king a few years ago and somehow -probably from someone who worked there - $3000 got stolen out of the register. two managers on duty. you think corporate said no big deal and covered it, no both the managers had to split $1500 out of their paychecks. corporations dont give a fuck what happens at the store they just want their money. go steal some shitty makeup from walmart but just know youâre not taking the money from sam waltons 700 grandkids, youâre taking it from whoever was on duty when you walked out the door
I hate this post and that it has so many notes. These things don't just all work the same way at every place!! You can't generalize like this. There's a huge difference between $3000 missing from the register (which could only happen due to employees) and ppl shoplifting stuff (which corporations have insurance to cover!!!). This is bullshit. This analogy makes no sense. Yes, if your coworker takes $3000 in cash out of the register someone will be in trouble. If you steal some lipstick from Walmart that $4 is NOT coming out of someone's check. For fucks sake!!!đ
Left: Henri Matisse - The Goldfish, 1910Â
Right: Roy Lichtenstein -Â Still Life with Goldfish, 1972
Rosie at the Super Natural CC Picnic
Photos by Robert James Almost
Dawn Lewis, Pool Table, 1987
Im curious to hear your experiences on methadone or prescription subs? I was forced to withdraw cold turkey but just to have the info to pass along from people who have used them or still use them can you reblog and tell me about it?
Subs have been a lifesaver for me. I've taken them just to get thru withdrawals and also I've been prescribed them long term. The only issues is that I sort of took them for granted and used that as an excuse to relapse. Like, what's the danger if I can use subs to get thru withdrawals, you know? I still think they're useful both as a quick taper (like if you have to buy them off the street) or as a more long term thing (if yr seeing an actual doctor). I was always afraid of dealing with methadone since getting off it can be worse than heroin apparently and when I did a slow taper off subs (after taking them for a couple months) it was pretty much painless. They also helped slightly with my mood and with cravings. I think their effectiveness wears off over time if you abuse them/take them for granted/use them as a safety net for yr addiction.
Kudos for going cold turkey tho!

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my final thought before making most decisions: fuck it
Tbh I need to stop listening to James Blake i think. But fr being clean makes me so emotional. The worst part is how weak I feel though. Like I missed my train to work today (after having two days off thank god!) because I just couldn't walk fast enough to get there on time. I'm weak, I'm outta breath. My teeth hurt like hell. It just sucks. And I'm terrified of nothing specific. I spent my two days off in bed doing absolutely nothing. I did manage to finish my Medicaid application, but the shit doesn't even start until September 1st!! Wtf am I supposed to do til then? I need therapy, anti-depressants, dental surgery, and suboxone (cause I refuse to buy them for $15/each ... It's fucking highway robbery.) I honestly just want to start escorting so I can pay outta pocket for this shit. I don't even care anymore. My body hates me. Oh yeah, I'm terrified because my ex is coming to visit Saturday and we haven't see each other in a year. Last time we were together was our trip to Europe together. How fucked up is that... I know I'm going to get attached and then get hurt. But he keeps telling me all this bullshit about wanting to get back together and honestly I could really use some support right now. Anyway... Sorry for this mess.
I need your advice on something, my boyfriend and I have been using heroin together for the past year. He is in rehab right now and I have been clean for a little over a month. What do you think about couples who have used together?
Just from my experience, itâs hard to be with someone you used with for so long. Sometimes you miss using together because of the good times you had. BUT! âŚif youâre both actually serious about staying clean, it can be a really good thing because youâll support each other. If he gets out of rehab ready to use again, itâs going to be very difficult to stay with him and not relapse.
I really hope things go well for you guys. Congrats on being clean for over 30 days! Good luck to you and your bf. <3Â
My personal experience was that we both enabled each other. It never worked until we got clean separately.
However, I have two close friends who got clean together by starting methadone maintenance. When they started at the clinic, they were told they would never make it together. And guess what? They did! They've both been clean for over a year and recently tapered off methadone!
I've always had mixed feelings about this... On the one hand going thru recovery alone can be isolating and isolation (at least for me) has often led to relapse. If I had someone there for me I think I'd do a lot better. But I know that person couldn't be my ex because, like I said, we enabled each other so much.
So yeah, just adding my (unasked for) 2 cents...
NSFW because youâre not allowed to cry at work.
IM NOT CRYING. YOURE CRYING

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