Musician | Writer | Believer

What Do I Really Want To Do?

I’m getting emotional as I’m writing this because I’m trying to be completely honest with myself, and I haven’t done that for quite a while. So the question is, Am I doing what I really want to do in life? And my answer is No. When I was young, I can still remember my first answer to the question, What do you want to be when you grow up? Because both of my parents were teachers, and I’ve watched them countless times teach their students, my first answer was that I wanted to be a teacher just like them. But as years went by, I had a change of heart. 

When I started learning how to play the piano, I was so motivated because I saw that my brother was enjoying it, and I saw how pleased my father was. (Daddy’s girl: present!) I sometimes cried when I couldn’t perfect a piano piece, it was so frustrating. I remember how my father would help me read the notes properly, using his arm and foot to properly show me every beat, including the ones I was missing. Although I can’t remember exactly when I started dreaming to be a musician someday, I can remember when this dream started to fade - the day I enrolled as a freshman student at the Nursing Department. 

I continued making Music in college although I was studying to be a nurse. I continued to compose songs even after I graduated and started working. I even began arranging music, and adding melody to lyrics written by someone else. Even when I got pregnant, I was able to write a song for my unborn baby. The hope of becoming a musician someday is still there. But what am I doing? The steps I’m taking does not lead to where this dream will be realized. I have a couple of piano students, but that’s not enough, I know. 

I’m sharing this frustration not because I’m going suicidal. It’s just that a couple of videos I’ve watched made me think about this. What am I afraid of that I can’t go for my dream? What’s stopping me? Maybe I’m stopping me. Maybe I’m afraid to fail. 

But like what I’ve learned recently, you could fail whether you’re doing something you love or not. So why don’t you just do what you love? 

I’m going to start doing what I love. 

Up Next: A Woman’s Strength

A Woman’s Strength

People would often use men as symbols of strength in the past. But these days, since women have sought gender equality, a number of women have become role models because they’ve shown strength despite their fragility. 

As a woman myself, I see every woman as a person who can show strength through tears. How? I know someone who can stop herself from shouting at her husband for being treated unfairly, crying herself to sleep instead. I know someone who cries in the bathroom for a minute after watching her baby fall from the sofa, unable to catch him because she was preparing his food just a couple of steps from him. I’ve heard of someone who looks at her baby’s pictures with teary eyes while working abroad. 

A lot of women cry, not because they’re weak, but rather because they’re strong. Because they’re able to continue, to move on, to deal with the pain, to get up after falling and getting bruised, to wipe the tears from their eyes and smile. Women are strong, especially when they are able to get down on their knees to ask God for guidance, for strength, and for joy that they can channel to others who need it. 

Being a woman can sometimes be challenging, because some men just don’t know how to respect us. And some people just don’t appreciate a woman who cries, because they don’t understand her ordeals. If only they knew, they would probably applaud her. Because after the tears fall, a new strength would rise. She’s able to draw strength from a painful break-up or loss. She’s able to emerge transformed after a disastrous crash. 

Every woman is strong, only when you know how to look at her through a lens that shows beyond a person’s criticising eyes. A lens that focuses on her ability to endure hardships. 

Every woman is strong. And I am proud to be one. 

I was able to write this after crying because I couldn’t express enough breastmilk for my baby for the next day. 

Up Next: Dealing With Stress

Dealing With Stress

Many young adults these days suffer from migraine and ulcer. Migraine is a condition marked by recurrent severe headache often with nausea and vomiting.  Stomach ulcers, which are also known as gastric ulcers, are painful sores in the stomach lining. One of the causes of migraine and ulcer is stress. A lot of people are unable to cope with everyday stressors. As a result, they end up suffering from different diseases that started only with headache and stomachache. In this entry, I want to share a few of my own ways in dealing with different kinds of stressors. 

Work. Whether you’re an office worker or a free lancer, you may have a lot of work to do and you might feel like your day isn’t enough to finish everything. My parents were both teachers, and I’ve seen them bringing some work at home. I’ve been a home-based English teacher as well. My work load at that time was different from what I had when I worked at a school, but they were both overwhelming and stressful in different ways at times. 

What’s stressful about working at an office is the travel time, especially when you live far from your workplace. That’s what stresses me these days. How do I deal with it? I use my travel time wisely. I don’t just sit in the vehicles. Instead, I type down my thoughts on my phone. Sometimes I make articles just like this one. Sometimes I just simply write what I’m thinking at that moment. I even review my day and my accomplishments. That makes me feel that I’ve been productive, and that helps relieve some of my stress already. I also listen to my favorite songs or I listen to my favorite radio station. 

Another way could be carpooling. I have tried it a few times. It was kind of relaxing because I was able to meet new faces and we talked during the whole ride about each other. In a way, we were able to de-stress. 

Another stressors at work could be co-workers and clients. How do I deal with those? I sometimes cry quietly in the restroom. You read that right. I cry. I’m not ashamed to let other people know that I cry easily at times because for me it’s normal. For women, talking and crying can be very helpful and therapeutic. 

Okay, I admit. I talk to friends or my husband about my stressful encounters with other people to relieve stress. I just don’t mention names most of the time. Again, for women, it helps to relieve stress. But of course, you have to be cautious because you might end up being labeled as a gossip, and your friends might lose their trust in you.

Time-management is quite important. Meeting the deadline is important, too. But when it feels like you need more time to finish something, before you decide to stay up too late, remember that your health is more important. If you get sick, you’ll be more disabled and you’ll probably lose more precious time. Relationship. Many young adults today are not married yet. It’s either they have chosen to focus more on their careers, or they’re still waiting for the right time or person to come. The problem is that a lot of them end up being pressured by relatives and peers. It becomes an unnecessary stressor when other people voice out their own set of expectations about you, especially when you’re already in a disagreement with your partner. 

How do I deal with this kind of stressor? First, I make sure that I know exactly what I want. I don’t force myself into doing something just to impress other people. Of course, my family’s opinions and advice are some of the things I consider, but the decision is still mine to make. After making that decision, no matter what happens, I remain focused on doing it. For me, it’s better to fail doing what I want and what I think is good for me, than to do what others expect from me with the possibility of failing anyway. At least in the end, I don’t have to blame other people for whatever happened. 

Whenever I’m in disagreement with my husband and I become too stressed, I walk away to cool down. How do I cool myself down? Again, I cry. And then, I talk to my husband in my mind. I would tell him how angry I am and I would say everything I want without filtering the words. It’s like I’m just talking to myself, yes. But it somehow relieves my stress and my anger without having him hear the words that could potentially make the situation even worse. Then, when I feel that I’m ready, I talk to him, in reality this time, but I filter my words so I don’t hurt him. I do this because I’m aware that when we’re emotionally high, we tend to say words that we don’t really mean, and we make decisions that we haven’t really thought about much. And as a result, we make things even worse because due to too much pride we’ll be unable to take the words back anymore. Sometimes simple arguments become so big that the relationship becomes too damaged, leaving the couples unable to resolve the conflict anymore. 

I’m not saying that my ways are the only ways to deal with everyday stressors. But I hope that you got some ideas that can be useful to you as you deal with your own set of stressors.

Up Next: Miracles

Unemployment

One of the most challenging times is when you are an adult and you’re unemployed. I still remember the time when it was only a few weeks before graduation. Since I didn’t choose my course for myself, I had no plans whatsoever. I just wanted to finish it and make my family proud and happy. Graduation came, and then the preparation for the board exams. It was then when I realized that I really wanted to be something else. But it was already too late, and my mother had threatened me of committing suicide if I failed. Talk about pressure!

Anyway, while waiting for the result, I was asked to be a volunteer teacher at a nearby newly-opened high school. When the board exam results came out, and I was surprised but grateful that I passed because the exams were really so difficult, I decided to look for a more stable job. I applied at a hospital, and I tried to apply as a Clinical Instructor, which I preferred. But nothing happened. It was somehow obvious that it would be really difficult for me to get those jobs because I just graduated, and I was competing for the position with older and experienced people. Maybe if I was included in the Top 10 passers of the board exam then I could have had a chance.

I was clueless of what would happen to me. There was even a time when I thought of just applying to whatever job that was available. I was becoming desperate. It was hard because I couldn’t ask money from my mom anymore since I was no longer a student who needed allowance. I think many newly grads would be able to relate to these experiences and feelings. Am I right? Being unemployed wasn’t my only stressor at that time. I was also having a relationship problem with my boyfriend then. So the emotional struggle and the pressure of getting a job almost made me give up in despair. What kept me from becoming too depressed was this promise:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

I held on to it. I memorized it and kept repeating it to myself everyday. It helped somehow. And I guess what really made me thrive despite the struggles were the people around me who believed in me and supported me even though they were also disappointed. My family loved me and accepted my decisions even though I couldn’t work as a nurse. Their love and trust gave me determination to continue on pursuing whatever I thought was good for me, yet they also never forgot to give me sound advice.

I’ll stop here for now. I’ll share more next time. I don’t feel embarrassed in sharing because those experiences helped mold me to become who I am now. Feel free to share your own experiences, too!

Food: Part 2

The first time I started working in Manila, a big city, my initial income wasn’t that big, so I cut my budget for food. I would eat cereals in the morning, buy a cheap meal for lunch which would consist of a cup of rice and a piece of meat, or a small fish, or a saucer of vegetable dish, and sometimes I would skip dinner or just drink milk before going to bed. I was lucky I didn’t get sick because I did that for quite a while. Later on, I decided to cook and stop buying meals. I always had eggs, potatoes, and tomatoes. Having an affordable yet complete meal can help you stay healthy and save money. 

To even lessen the cost for food, and earn some more, I decided to sell food at my office. Not only did I save money, but I also earned money and added it to my transportation allowance.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Yet many people, especially those who go to work early, tend to skip it. Don’t do that again, please. You can’t focus on your work when you’re hungry. You can easily get angry when you’re hungry. You’ll have a hard time figuring things out when your stomach is empty. So don’t skip breakfast ever again.

Nowadays, I often hit the snooze button of my alarm. But I’m just lucky because I don’t have to get up early to prepare my breakfast. My husband does it for me! (Thanks, love!) He cooks better than me so I always let him prepare our food. Now, if you’re single and has nobody to prepare food for you, it’s okay to prepare your food before going to bed the night before. You can just warm it up in the morning. You can also prepare something simple in the morning if you’re too much in a hurry. Just make sure that you have enough carbs because that’s your most important source of much needed energy for morning work.

During weekdays and I have to go to work, my husband gets up at around 4 AM to cook breakfast and lunch for me. He also prepares snacks for me, like fruit salad, or stuffed bread. (Breastfeeding moms are always hungry.) Even when I’m at home, I’m almost always hungry because I’m breastfeeding. When I’m at work, I pump milk for my baby so I still need a lot of food. It’s not an excuse, okay? It’s for real. Anyway, because I bring my packed lunch and even my snacks to work, we lessen the cost of our food. Also, this practice helps me to choose exactly what I want to eat, and that’s healthy food. I rarely bring meat for lunch because I prefer vegetables. Sometimes, my husband even prepares smoothies or soy milk for me.

Here’s a few of my favorite breakfast meals that are easy to prepare:

1. Sauteed tomatoes with egg + fried fish + fresh mangoes +rice

2. scrambled egg with cheese fillings + bread + soy milk + rice

3. fried rice (w/ mixed vegetables) + boiled egg + dried seaweed/nori

4. Adobong sitaw (string beans) + fried fish

5. Sauteed bitter melon and egg with tomatoes

6. Vegetable salad (chopped tomatoes, onions, grated carrots, grated radish, calamansi) + boiled egg/red egg + fried fish

And here’s a list of my favorite snacks:

1. egg sandwich + soy milk

2. bread w/ spread + mango smoothie

3. sweetened kalumpit (damson plum)

4. vegetarian burger

Cooking and preparing your own food not only ensures that you won’t have to worry about food poisoning. You can also choose healthier ingredients, within your caloric requirements, for your dishes.

Well, thanks again for taking time to read, and happy cooking to you!

Up next: Traveling

The owner of the photos is the author. (Except for the cover image)

Compassion. It’s a word that is very easy to define. Just type it down on Google or look for it in an offline dictionary app on your phone and you’ll find what it means. But to show in actions what it truly means, that’s something not easy to do. It might sound uncomplicated enough. You could say that you’ll just need to give someone some food to eat, or probably some amount of money. But compassion is more than that. Compassion is about the reason behind the action. When you give, do you do it just for the sake of giving, or is it because in your heart, you could somehow feel the pain of that person you’re helping?

Anyway, during the weekend, some groups of people joined the Compassion Weekend celebration by doing Compassion YOUnited projects in their own communities.

The Mission Adventures team in Tacloban visited an orphanage and a hospital. They separated into smaller groups so that they could have a better chance in making closer interactions and more personal impact with the people they visited.

A small group of DREAMICM members and friends visited another orphanage in Silang, Cavite. They brought snacks for the kids for when they go to school on schooldays. Before their short program ended, the Spyros Marc and Marco came and performed for the kids, which made them really excited.

In Bangkok, Thailand, at Terminal 21 shopping mall, 15 people from six countries (USA, Bangladesh, India, Myanmar, Thailand, and Philippines) donated blood together to celebrate World Blood Donor Day with the Thai Red Cross Society-Korat. Initially, Red Cross requested at least 5 donors. But they were overjoyed when 15 people came.

Experiencing compassion and sharing it with people who evidently need it is something one will forever remember. Because people will forget what you do to them. But they won’t forget how you made them feel.

Dalai Lama said, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.” He also said that our main purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.

May we all remember to be kind to one another in whatever case we may be.

Photo credit: Mission Adventures, April De Villa

Introduction

Before getting married, I remember talking about what kind of life I want to live with my husband (my boyfriend back then). I told him that I could live in a small house made of bamboo with a large backyard where we could plant vegetables and flowers, and keep pets like dogs and rabbits. But I also told him that I should be able to go online, so I also want fast internet and a nice, working computer. He laughed at the idea. I wasn’t kidding though. If only I had the luxury to choose where I live now, I’d probably be in the countryside with my own internet connection and gadgets. I love nature, but I’m forced to live in the city so I can work and earn. We survive, and even thrive. But mostly, we survive, because life in the city can be chaotic and taxing. Don’t you agree?

This blog is about surviving every single day, conquering challenges, staying happy and contented, healthy and determined, deflecting when hit by difficulties, counteracting attacks by expected and unexpected stressors, and staying put even when tidal waves hit the shore. My purpose of writing these experiences is to give you ideas that you can also use (hopefully) as you face your own battles everyday, or at least remind and give you comfort in knowing that you’re not the only one going through the hurdles that life throws at you. 

I’ll be posting one topic per day (whenever that’s possible). I hope you can share your experiences too in the comments section. Or you can send me a personal message instead, if you want your story to remain between us.

Photo credit: Leo Lisay (cover image)

First topic to watch out for: Food

Food: Part 1

I hope you know how to cook. Food can come cheap but unhealthy, like fast food. Or it could be expensive but more delectable and healthy. If you live alone, you might get tempted to eat out all the time, because eating by yourself at home can be lonely. But if you’re that kind of person who loves to cook and can enjoy eating even when alone, then you have no problem. You just need to find a place where you can buy cheaper but healthy ingredients for your recipe.  

When I first started living alone, that was a few years after college graduation, I was lucky to have my own cooking utensils and stove. They were not the expensive ones of course, and my stove even had only one burner. Anyway, I was alone so I had no problem cooking for myself with that. Now I’m not a good cook, but I learned a few tricks from my friends back in college. That’s right. I didn’t learn anything from home, because I was such a spoiled princess. My dad used to cook for us. He tried teaching me once, but I never cooked for them even after that. Oh, wait! I learned how to cook rice at home. Yes! Just rice. Please don’t laugh at me. 

When my husband and I first moved in to the house where we live now (my brother owns it), we had nothing but three rice cookers as wedding gifts. We didn’t even have plates and spoons. So we bought a few pairs of spoon and fork and two plates. My ever resourceful husband managed to cook everything using our rice cookers. He would boil eggs, saute vegetables, and even fry chicken in them. I’m so thankful that we were able to get a stove and a gas tank later on. Some friends were letting go of old utensils and appliances so we were able to acquire some from them. 

To make sure that we were eating organic vegetables, and also to lessen expenses (we were both unemployed at first because we just finished our urban missionary work) my husband made use of the vacant lot between our house and the basketball court. It was a tiny space, but because my husband is resourceful and determined, he managed to plant okra, eggplant, bitter melon, papaya, malunggay, chillie, tomatoes, oregano, cucumber, corn and others I don’t know what they’re called. I know nothing about growing plants so I leave that to my husband alone. 

Here’s a few ideas of what you can do if you have a small house like ours:

1. Hold vines like bitter melon and cucumber with your fence

2. Use pots for small plants

3. Utilize your windows and walls

4. Bring them inside

5. Hang them

There was a time when my husband and I didn’t have enough income, and we had to eat Pechay all day for a week. Man, it was not good. But if my husband didn’t plant Pechay, we wouldn’t have anything to eat. Pechay saved us!

Well, thanks for reading my first entry. I decided to divide it into parts because it’ll be too long if I didn’t. I’ll post the next part soon!

Up next: Food Part 2

The owner of the photos is the author. 

Everyday my class is having morning worship. We sing praises, share stories, and pray. There was one time when we talked about how their daily life would be if Jesus is not in their hearts. They all have the same answer, they said that their life would not be happy if Jesus is not in their hearts. We talked about the things that make them sad or scared, and they shared all their concerns in the class. I told them that if they feel scared or troubled or worried they should shout, “Satan, go away! We don’t need you! Jesus lives in our heart!”   One morning, while the children were having their snack time, the door suddenly opened up. Someone noticed it and said, “Teacher, the door open by itself!” I was about to tell them that it’s just the wind, but before I could open my mouth, they all shouted, pointing to the door, “SATAN, GO AWAY! WE DON’T NEED YOU! JESUS LIVES IN OUR CLASSROOM!” I was shocked. I asked them, “Why did you say that?” They all answered, “Teacher, we are scared because Satan opened it to scare us. That’s why we shouted at him. Do you think, Teacher, that he (Satan) is already gone?” I asked them back, “What do you think?” Then one of them stood up, and said, “Yes, he’s (Satan) gone! Because Jesus is with us!”   I was speechless. I was mesmerized, because my students are not Christians. They are Buddhists, but the seeds that were planted in their hearts are now growing. They are confident that Jesus can save them from the devil. I asked myself, How about me? How confident am I to my God that He will deliver me from evil? God talked to me that day. He said, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10)