100Words

I need your help

Okay so, my heart is helpless

And I am hopeless

How do I fix this?

Generic but listen

I get these ridiculous crushes on people

They don't run deep but I get weird when we talk and suddenly feel the need to impress them or love to listen to them

And when we touch I freeze but I know that it won't last because I am hopeless

I'm actually no one's type

I swear, not even my own

I look into a mirror and my face contorts into a We-can-be-friends pity look

You know the one, the one that people give to the kid that is super weird and has no friends and wants to disappear but finds solace in you and wishes for a conversation but knows that you'll hate them because they aren't worth much but for some reason they chose today to become confident and talk to you but are really regretting it inside because you've given them the face

So it really doesn't help the fact that I get random squishes and crushes and on the extremely rare occasion actually fall in love and then have to realize that I'll be met with that face

So I really need your help

Because right now I'm talking to a mirror

Because I don't think my bruised heart can take the face from you

Please can you help me?

I am helpless and my heart is hopeless

My heart palpitates at every pretty girl

It really gets going when I see that good looking guy and I wonder where exactly my sexuality lies when my helpless body is strewn in a bed of insecurities

I'm not worth the time it takes for them to breathe let alone take a glance at me

The kid who wants the world to hear but also wants to disappear in hopes of the peace, who walks in a slouch and covers up anything undesirable with baggy shirts and hoods and words that they don't really mean or know because everything is for show in a world where people hate themselves and speak to others about building themselves up and it's always #bodypositivity and you want them to shut the fuck up because what could they know about the dysphoria that haunts your soul and tears at you while they go on living in the motto of “being the best you”

My bruised heart can't take that

Because they are all so pretty and I can't even love a fragment of a reflection that the mirror has cut for me but it jumps for a crush that doesn't know I exist because I'm scared of that dumb pretty face that defines and creates all the reasons and problems for why I need your help because my heart is helpless and I am hopeless

So please, can someone help me

I don’t know what I’m doing here

I have tried avoiding people and mirrors and I tried to use cover ups but we all know they don’t really work because why would they when the world strives and thrives on how much we hate ourselves and detest letting others know but want to get better but don’t know how so we revert to these false securities and just repeat this awful cycle and makes things worse and worse and eventually when you’re at your lowest of lows and you see yourself and it’s in the reflection the eyes of the person that makes your useless bruised heart stop you realize that nothing can get better and you scream at them for it and then you feel bad and that on top of all that bullshit inside of you makes you squirm and wriggle with guilt and terror and suddenly the voices get louder and you want to disappear and this time for real but you don’t want to die

Mornings are for soft things

Mornings are for soft things.

The clouds get puffy and the sand mushes up. The sun creates soft yellows and peaches and the ocean foams. The mist covers the inland and everything is quiet.

Soft kisses. Gentle hugs. Flakey pastries. Warm drinks. The world mutes itself. Time does not exist. Life is at peace.

I am underneath you

Please notice me

You keep ignoring me

Stop looking there and look at me

That stupid witch and her stupid powers

Please look at me.....

Please......

You used to.....

I will wait for eternity for your answer if you don't know it

I will walk the 300,000 miles inbetween us if you need me

I will be your fountain of advice if you need it

Because I love you

I will know when enough is enough

I will not let you overpower me

I will not force myself to do something uncomfortable

Because I love myself

I must love me, just as you love me

You must love you, just as I love you

Love is not just give and take

But acceptance and understanding

Accepting when you can not give

Understanding when I can not take

Love is fair, just, kind

Because I love myself,

Hey howdy hey folks! Yeah, I’ve been gone a while (especially after that week of spazzing over an amazing movie/musical), but this is to let you know that I have just finished writing a poetry book!!!!! 

Yes, I know, I’m practically famous but in all seriousness:

I’ll let you guys know when it gets released and all that fun stuff, maybe I’ll do a give away or what have you (I mean there isn’t a ton of you so that’s doable). In the mean time, I’ll try to get involved in more things so I can write more stuff to post here. 

Fluorescent lights shine blindingly in her face as she wished for the umpteenth time that the annoying beeps and their creator would go to Hell. The hospital room that surrounded her would be hers for the time being. Glancing around, she notices her red scrunchie on top of a torn piece of paper. Sliding the cloth on her arm, she reads the note:

“I’m really sorry for what happened. I swear I didn’t know he gave me a cup of drain cleaner. Glad you’re still alive! (please don’t kill me)” - V.S.”

So, Red Dawn was trying to off her? She’ll have to get Ram and Kurt to handle that. As if punctuating her thought, the door swings open and three girls file in. A tearful, yellow-clad cheerleader in the lead, reaching out to hug her bed-ridden friend. Behind her stood a girl in green with a red scrunchie (similar to her own) and girl in blue, both looking guilty and slightly relieved. It wouldn’t be the first time that the two was on the receiving end of the terrifying glare from their (now temporarily mute) red loving leader.

Please lay with me, my little sister I will dry your tears before I leave in two years

Reach out for the everlasting stars The black void between them should not stop the curious

Okay, story time. So I was listening to this and was trying to write something to go with it. As I was typing, the poem reminded me of something that I found a while back. I did some research and figured this much: Summer learns things/ is constantly learning. She cares a lot and uses her heart most of the time. Winter is obviously the leader, but he also is very logical. He more than likely uses his head. Autumn is a fighter. Her gut says do it, she does it. She’s a restless spirit. Spring is a peacekeeper, but he is also the body that holds the mind, spirit, and heart together. (Just a little glance into how I interpreted these guys) SO, this little thing is dedicated to the creators of Our Names Are Seasons Yo/ E.P.O.C.H: @justautumn and @summersnowleopard

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A heart cares A mind thinks A spirit moves A body holds

Light shines Ice freezes Fire burns Wind blows

Their journey begins

She searches her thoughts, slowly She's lost in her mind, confused Something is at her heart, pulling The Student loses her track

He strides along the sidewalk, sternly He is stressed, slightly Something is plaguing his mind The Leader rests his memories

She stares ahead, moving swiftly Her mind aware of all twitching Something is rustling her spirit The Fighter halts her step

He hums with the wind, smiling He glances at the sky, calmly Something is restricting his body The Peacekeeper ceases his song

As if one, they leave their spots Hurrying to a place of peace They don't know what calls them The team is going home

The Student arrives first She is confused and curious Her heart starts to rest A light shines

The Peacekeeper comes next He smiles in delight His body wraps around hers A breeze flows

The Fighter appears third She relaxes from frown to smirk Her spirit lightens A fire warms

The Leader comes last He watches his team His mind starts to ease An iceberg melts

I sat in front of the screen full of emotions. Regret is in there somewhere, maybe it's dancing with anxiety? Regardless, I had to do this. There were so many problems that started all because we couldn’t keep our mouths shut those few years ago. Now it's my job to get us out of this mess. I switched on the screen recorder and began the stream. “Hello, creatures of various walks of life! How are you guys today?” I say into the mic while I type up the theme of the day. Many forms of greetings popped on the screen and I smiled. There were a few more people joining than last time. “Hello to all of the new beings of human and not! Welcome!” This got a few laughs. “So, today's a special type of stream, but I’ll explain it later. Right now, we need a base so I can start writing. Anything you guys want to see?” A ton of fandom ideas come up and a few ideas that involved people's personal ocs. I frowned when I saw some lewd topics enter the chat. “Come on guys, we have people of all ages here,” I say into the mic. A pretty decent prompt came up and everyone seemed to agree on it, so I began typing.

The stream went on as normal, people asking questions or striking up random conversations with each other. Some people began adding to the piece on the screen and I added it in where I could until I got to the part of the stream where someone noticed I wasn’t chatting with everyone like I normally would. “Hey, are you alright?” I sighed into the mic. Might as well do it now and get it over with. “So, most of you know by now that the water in my life’s river has always had some ripples in it. Who doesn’t have issues, right? Well, some stuff has been happening lately that make those ripples a bit more prominent.” The chat began to fill with questions. “Slow up my little animal crackers, this isn’t something I’m exactly comfortable talking about. Now, in my past, this one domino got knocked down and it didn’t really do anything major until word got out about it. The river of life maneuvered around the rock and everything changed drastically, but in the end smoothed out.” The chat grew silent, I could practically feel the pity. “That rock’s ripple has caught up with me again and I need some help calming it down once more.” Among the blurb of “How can we help”s and "Aw, I'm so sorry"s,  came a string of sentences that caused my cocktail of emotions to shift uncomfortably in my chest.

“No one has time for a fake charity case. Everyone has problems, get over it. Besides you said you’d never ask us for dough, so don’t expect us to give it.”

It was one of my original followers that I had always had an issue with. I just let them stay because they pushed my buttons so often, that I got great pieces of writing out of them. I muted my mic, frowned, and looked away from my computer screen for a few seconds. I knew this was a bad idea. Typing in the chat, I say that I needed a couple of seconds. Should I even go through with this? He is right; I said commissions for writing didn't exist. No one ever wants to help a writer. It always goes to the visual artists.

I took a deep breath and turned my mic back on. "Don't worry about it guys. This is something that can take care of itself in the long run. It will take a bit before that happens and it will affect my streaming and post schedule. So, this may be the last time we do this for a while." I paused. "How about we finish up this chapter as a so-long-type of thing?"

The chat exploded with the usual rallies of "let us help" and "Are you sure?" I ignored them and continued to type until they caught on.

So, I was hanging out in a Taidatenshi stream when I was given permission to write this. Its based off of this picture. Thanks for the opportunity Taida!             -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With one last tug on her boot, Undyne stood and looked at Chara. “All right, are you ready to head out?” “ Yeah, let me just-“ “Can I come?” Frisk stood in the corridor decked out in black and white shorts and an oversized, orange TEM SHOP shirt. Chara glanced at the small face of determination. Training with Undyne helped them lose the stress caused by lingering bad memories. They went that they could go as hard as they needed without Undyne asking any questions. Training made Chara feel like they were a child mimicking the royal guard with Asriel, that they would soon be able to help. With Frisk there, they might not let Chara freely attack. Then again, they fought through the entire underground. Maybe it won’t be too bad to let them come along.

“Surrender, evildoer!! Or face the wrath of my SUPER MEGA ULTRA POWERFUL HARDCORE ROCKET FIST!!” Frisk yelled in a very anime-esque manor before swinging very dramatically at the dummy Chara had set up for them in the clearing. “They missed. Multiple times. And they’re still screaming,” Chara thought with amusment. Frisk was adorable and had so far taken none of this seriously. Undyne was confused and slightly worried for her short human friend. Why come train when you can’t fight? “Poor kid wouldn’t last five minutes on the battlefield.” A ghost of a smile graced Chara’s lips. “You’d be surprised…They’re just being dumb and cute right now.” Undyne began twirling the spear in her hand with doubt. Chara called Frisk over and placed a hand on their head. “How about you cut the crap and we spar a little bit?” Frisk grinned and nodded.

The ocean crashed against the sand

I look at you again

“Can I ask you a question?”

I’ve been meaning to for a while

I open my mouth

Its stuck in my throat

Nothing comes out

Another wave fills the silence

I try again

I’m too nervous

I mess it up

“Can you and I places go? ”

The sun has set

I want you to know

I need you to know

A deep blue surrounds us

I try one last time

If I held the world in the palm of my hand I'd drop it six times Each time is for a phase of my life Purity Innocence Curiosity Transition Confusion Depression

I have held it

If I held the world in the palm of my hand I'd chuck it three times One period of time for every two phases Elementary Middle High

I have held it

If I held the world in the palm of my hand I would grasp it tightly For it is mine I would cause it pain For what it has done

I don't obtain the mental capacity This situation is one puzzle too many I don't understand this elaborate scheme And it has gotten into my dreams

I liked brain teasers I wanted to use my head as a geezer I've played with many rubiks I've danced around Halloween tricks

I've put together 2,000 piece puzzles But this one that has gotten me in trouble I can't seem to solve this There has to be something amiss

I've looked at it from different angles I've tried it enough times, I feel like I've been strangled I've resorted to asking around; Looking for clues with my ear to the ground

I think about it all the time I was in my conundrum prime But this one left me disabled It should have been properly labeled