dumb angel

I wanna visit my neighbor girlfriend and see how she's doing and give her some of my drink but I know seeing her smoking crack will trigger my desire for blow and in the end it's not worth it. as much as I like her

this week started out hard with me relapsing again. yesterday I went to therapy but still felt extremely depressed and missing alcohol, I cried a lot. today I woke up depressed and cried again and then I got the news that someone special to me has been involuntarily committed by their family due to alcoholism. I cried a lot more and now I'm drinking and crying again

my dad called and I told him I relapsed again. he was incredibly understanding about it and begged me to go to a NA meeting tomorrow. I feel embarrassed going back again but I must do it, for him and for myself. I'm tired of going back to this hellhole

showing up to group therapy tomorrow hungover on alcohol and blow and with a fucked up nose

I say no and then relapse

why did you do this to me. why did you come back into my life to treat me like worse than shit. why did you have to break my heart again and again and leave me hollow

98% of the time I sabotage myself by saying "it's just a few drinks, I won't relapse on blow cause of it" but after an hour or so my mind starts thinking obsessively about it and making plans. especially if it's hard liquor

most people are just heartless and that's an universal truth

no closure after 4 years

i called it since the beginning of the season that rue was going to die in the finale but I still cried