Me, Myself, and I

A bright smile took D’s face over as he listened to his fellow agent. Very often, the only comforts they had were their fellow agents. “That’s fucking cool, honestly.” He admired the great match. “I’ve had a lot of partners over the years. Never had a best friend as a partner, though. You’re a lucky guy.” 

“dubs could be your best friend, y’know,” he shrugged. “i mean, me ‘n’ a were pretty much thick as thieves from the start, but it could still happen for you.” i paused, brow furrowing slightly. “why does this feel like “how stella got her groove back?””

“You’d be surprise. What size shoe do you wear? My brother does drag. He might be able to help you.” At least last time they spoke he did. It’s been years since they spoke. “Yeah I was thinking about. Times like this I wish we worked at a normal office. I could food sent here.”

“uh, size fourteens,” he replied warily. he wouldn’t put it past kay to actually find him a pair of heels to wear. he wasn’t sure what he’d do then. on the one hand, he couldn’t be seen as some sort of weakling whose masculinity was challenged just by some footwear, but on the other, he really didn’t want to wear heels. “you could try ordering somethin’ and pick it up at the park or whatever. or just go to the corner and get some ubereats. that might work,” he offered.

“Phht,” the agent scoffed, “Dubs loves me too much to ditch me.” He boasted, but almost immediately after he began to laugh. “I’m pretty sure Q won’t let her switch partners, otherwise she would have.” It was entirely probable, but it didn’t bother D in the slightest. “You and A get along okay?” He asked curiously. 

he gave d a knowing smile. he doubted if she ever really tried. d was good people, and a good agent. teasing him was rewarding because he gave as good as he got, and rolled with the punches. “oh yeah, we get along great. he’s my best friend. you’re all the only friends we can really have, so i’m just lucky it worked out with my partner that way.”

Case closed, Agent C found a moment of peace as the sun lowered over the glittering city in the distance. She took a seat, gazing towards the horizon. As another agent neared, she glanced up briefly. “Looks peaceful, doesn’t it?”

“y’know, it kinda does. i’ve seen way nicer sunsets, but this isn’t bad at all.” he inhaled deeply. his own case continued to weigh on him heavily. there was a lead he needed to follow when Agent A got back, but for the time being he could relax. “how’re you?”

“Right. Gym. That is a place that some people go to voluntarily,” R said without enthusiasm. “I’ve been spending too much time indoors here, and in sewers. Need fresh air, need to be free. You go ahead, but I think I’ll…” He stared into space for a moment, then sat up straight. “Oh! Go skating.”

i stared at him, eyebrow cocked. “...skating... like at rockafeller? or in-line?” he wasn’t suprised r turned him down, he always did, but skating was definitely new. “why?”

“I don’t. Too many eyes on you, and I feel like as a queen you gotta wear heels. Yeah that’s a no go.” He replied with a shrug. “I’d rather stay where I am.” He liked his life. “If I want to risk my life I’d go play around Russian roulette. At least it would be painless.”

“can’t, too tall. plus, i doubt they make them in my size.” i had never known any drag queens to know they absolutely do make shoes in his size. “you got a point. andorian flu is most definitely not painless. there’s the hotdog guy upstairs. they’re really good for cart-dogs.”

“Yeah this is my cheap snack. I was driving past dunkin’ donuts, and I was I need one. He laughed as he enjoyed the unhealthy snack. “You trying to spot me?” He asked. Agent I was one of the few men in the office who could lift around what E could. “I got chest today. You cutting or bulking?” 

he chuckled, patting his belly. “cutting. holidays, you know. thanksgiving is the ultimate cheat day, and i went all out. anyway, it’s back ‘n’ shoulders day for me, but yeah, i’ll spot you.” his two best work out partners were a and e, so he was always down to help his senior out. “what case are you on?”

With a shrug, R folded up another page of the file on his desk. The plane sailed past I’s head and took a nosedive to the floor. “Well, you aren’t doing any good by popping pills and going in circles. I say go ahead and take that break. Something might click.”

“hey now, this is just for my headache. don’t make it sound like i have a problem, dude.” still, the guy had a point. he needed to take a step back rather than continue to bang his head against this mental wall. “fine, fine. wanna join me in the gym, then? working out always gets the juices flowing.”

E strolled through the front with a large smile on his face. It had been a good day for him. “I got donuts!” He loudly exclaimed in the office. The large male walked into the employee lounge placing them on the table. He turned his attention to the first person to walk through. “Hey.” He smiled.

“my man!” I exclaimed, clapping his massive hands together. sitting up, he opened the box and got himself a simple glazed doughnut. “this is exactly what i needed this morning. i’ll eat this, work it off in the gym, get the juices flowing, and then hopefully figure out the next step in this boglodite case.” I didn’t look up to many people. he always thought he was worth looking up to, but E was a definite exception.

“Nobody is perfect, my friend.” The agent tutted and shook his head. “I have to do my fair share of grunt work, but I make it look like more than I actually do. She feels bad and works harder to keep up.” He sent the man a look that was devious and smug. 

“where’re pretty darn close, though,” he said, pointing at himself and a’s desk with a jerk of his thumb. “oooh, that’s devious. one day you’ll wear her out, if you aren’t careful. make sure you’re buying her lots of post-case pie to keep her from ditching you.” i laughed.

“Oh yeah it was all kind of freaky.”  K replied with a shrug. He looked at the direction. “You’re being a queen. I don’t smell that bad.” He grabbed his shirt and sniffed it. “Okay maybe I do but I’m not going to risk my life for burger.”

“you say that like it’s a bad thing. who doesn’t want to be a queen?” everyone who was anyone was queen. at least, that’s what spying on social media told him. “where’s your sense of fun, kay? what’s life without a few life-risking gambles? i say go gor it.”

“Honestly, I’m not sure,” R said, tossing a paper airplane towards the wastepaper basket. “It’s going well, I’d assume, since my better half’s working on it. So, uh, yeah, that’s my strategy. Let the competent one take charge, and don’t interfere.”

i rolled his eyes, remembering who he’d been talking to. “okay, but what do you do when you are the competent one and you still can’t make heads or tail of it?” this case was starting to give him a migraine. he bent to get a small white bottle of excedrin out of his bottom drawer. popping the cap, he took two with some coffee. “i feel like i need to take a break but boglodites don’t fuck around. can’t waste any time.”

“She said she’s down with “dead or alive,” and honestly, I don’t know why I thought she wouldn’t be,” D snickered, thinking of his partner. “That’s the beauty of having a partner. She can do the work and we’ll both get the credit.” He joked, but soon after looked around himself to make sure Q wasn’t lurking in the shadows. 

“well, obviously she’s down with dead or alive. i feel like that’s who whole aesthetic.” i glanced at the desk opposite his. as agent i had won the coin toss, agent a was supposed to be downstairs in the archives, pulling up as much information he could on boglodites. “i guess that’s one of the perks of having a good partner, but does she do grunt work, too? that’s the true mark of a perfect partner.”

A small laugh came from the man, but he still put his hand on his chest and acted offended for hardly a few seconds. He paused for a moment, allowing time for thought. “I’ll just send W after him.” He concluded simply, and gave a mischievous smile. “She’s fast enough.”

“whoa now, i feel like that would count as cruel and unusual. not even jandox deserves to have dubs sicced on him.” he did a terrible job of stifling a laugh. “not a bad idea, though. bet she could catch him in no time, if you don’t mind letting her do all the work.” he cocked an eyebrow at him.

Agent K looked at the bag with disgust. Normally he hated barbeque flavored anything. “I did, your mother had me up all night.” He sarcastically replied. “I did, is the smell still that strong?” He asked pulling out a case of mints from his dresser. He popped a few in mouth. “I need really food.”

“didn’t think a corpse could be so lively,” he returned, almost immediately feeling guilty as he really didn’t know if she was still alive. he hadn’t seen her in so long, she could’ve died for all he knew. “you smell like you left the bar like a twenty minutes ago. you need a greasy gross burger or something. might be worth risking andorian flu at the burger king.” he pointed to the burger king behind him.

“Must you be so loud?” The scientist bitterly hissed out. His bloodshot eyes glared over the other. Even though it was before 1000 slight smell of booze still lingered on his breath. It had been a long night for Agnet K. The loud sounds weren’t making the pounding in his skull anymore better.

agent i popped another handful of chips into his mouth, chewing with his mouth wide open and far louder. “apparently,” he replied with a smirk. “did you just come back from the bar? didn’t even have time for a breath mint?” he offered k his bag of barbeque flavored potato chips. “honestly, it can only help.”