stay

one time he and i were sitting in bed and i said “where do you feel stuff?” and he said “what do you mean” and i said, “here is anxiety” and pointed to my bottom left rib where the spiders start. he pointed to his throat. “it’s here for me.” 

i keep anger in my breastbone, he holds it in his hands. i feel sadness on my shoulders, he feels it in his lungs. 

we play this game until we come to love, and i realize that i am terrified (jugular vein) of what might come. what if it is not the same. what if he feels it somewhere else, what if it is just a flash fire, not the slow burn, what if it is congealing in one place instead of radiating, i try to change topics, flight response (sternum)

he takes my hands in his and puts them over his ribs and says, “everywhere, everywhere, like a sun is trying to escape me, like i am being consumed and you are filling up where used to be empty.” i say, “don’t be ridiculous humans are 99% empty space,” i nervous laugh (spiders down spine), he holds his gaze with me. 

Giovanna Garzoni

A Bitch

And then my sophomore year of high school, someone I had just met in art class asked me if my favorite color was green. I have her a weird look and responded, “no, purple.” She shook her head “nope, you literally wear something green every day. Your favorite color is definitely green.” And I laughed it off. We’ve been friends ever since, and she hasn’t let it go. “Where’s the green?” “There’s the green!” And I never thought twice about it.

But lately I’ve started noticing that my closet is full of green clothes. And while I do find the color purple very beautiful, I actually prefer green. And I find the color green just, very attractive. And I realized that green is my fucking favorite color.

This makes it sound like green being my favorite color was forced upon me, but honestly it was nothing like that. Green has always been my favorite color, I was just not able to see it and accept it.