*sigh

I've woken up to domestic assaults, chemo vomiting, overdose attempts, and home invasions.

its the only time i can escape and used to be such a sweet place to be.

i feel betrayed not by the people in my immediate past, not her or her, by him

By the violence that started all this, that unlocked all this chaos that spilled out

I understand why they hate @#$ in part

I need therapy, i need company, i need to relax, i need to remember and move on and create something new to aim for because bleeding whats left for her isn't good, where am i going

How am i gonna hack nokia quality middle aged drawl indignity and putridity at a snails pace upper register tinitus buzz and paint could dry faster I've seen it just yesterday, in the morning it begins again

No tribe no people now

no family now

just sounds I've found and some stories I can tell

Yes this dramatic

Im back and my life is fucked, im back because my pife is fucked, and no where else is free and ignored enough to bleed my stress into like here.

My heart is half broken, still very much in the favor of an individual who i have driven away through short sighted fear driven desperation.

I feel a cosmic fear brewing in my brain stem that i have doomed myself and that i shall die soon. Although i am sure i can almost never trust these feelings to be anything other than catastrophic thinking, on the few occasions they have not been i have paid so dearly for not trusting my gut.

No one is reading this