aeine

Static Miku 3d Art

Not my first time 3d modeling but I am still a beginner. I used blender here. I try different 3d programs such as Nomad Sculpt and Womp3d.

been a long time..

I realized why I am lost in the middle of the party

It’s not always about the feeling of belongingness not being there

When I hear the chorus of the songs that come through

For some reason

They repeat

Again and again

With an echoing reverb

That my brain catches up

Perhaps this is why I decided to leave a lot of important things behind

Why I’m thinking about new stuff

Hobbies to conquer

Adventures to see

Friends to laugh with

Maybe it’s something about acceptance

I don’t know if this means positive

Or that it means something negative

Am I only fulfilling the things I could fulfill so I can ready myself for the most important journey

The journey towards full loss

Words from eyes evaporated

Skin that’s no longer swelling

Vein that lost its circulation

I’m out here rotting on the inside

No one bats an eye because I am ecstatic

After the pills

It will all be a dream

A Positive Me.

Treecko Stimboard

Divine Intervention

Eternally nocturnal

While the screen continues to be a spectrum

Bright rainbow lines

Exposed veins plugged

Disorganized vision and speech

Somehow I can’t understand you anymore

I can’t read the words coming of out your mouth

Your voices sound static

Your pupils no longer present

And all of my interests left me.

And that my mind will no longer be occupied like before.

Is it a good thing?

I don’t really know.

But I was long used to the chaotic nature inside my head.

Perhaps the noise served as my comfort.

To me who I never really knew.

What does it feel like?

.

When I was 13 years old, I learned how to cut my own bread. At first it was hard because the bread that my mum bought had tough layers. The breadknife was also not sharp enough to cut through the thick crust so I continuously struggled to cut my own bread.

On some days, I found other alternatives to the breadknife, like scissors, but unfortunately scissors are not the right choice for bread cutting. I also tried to find better types of bread, the ones that would be easier to cut. So I skimmed through the supermarket and found a soft bread.

I asked the baker what type of knife I should use for this type of bread. But the baker warned me to never ever cut this bread with a sharp knife as it was too soft.

I brought the bread home and found that the bread knife was still not enough to cut through the bread. So I rummaged through my room and found a sharp blade. I know the baker warned me, but I had no options left, and this bread just won't cut easily just like all the other breads I've tried cutting.

I gently sliced the bread with the sharp blade when the bread suddenly leaked out. It was strawberry jam. I didn't know that this bread was special and had a filling. However, I continued to slice it hastily and found it leaking more jam.

My mum eventually found out about my bread slicing business, so she scolded me and said "Don't ever cut that bread ever again!". Which I don't understand because it's just bread. But she still doesn't understand my reasons.

Until now, I still find myself cutting that special bread I found when I was thirteen. Each time, the jam spills out richer and redder, staining my fingers and blade. Noticeably, I've grown bolder with every slice.

Instant Art for FREEEEE

We often overlook the way we see different types of art around us. With the rise of generative AI, we are unable to differentiate true human raw creativity from pure one-click result art. And here I question the people — since when was art so easy and instant?

Have we become too comfortable being spoonfed with everything that we want to create instead of learning how to make them?

We are so used to instant small things, which may have made us grow to be addicted to instant rewards — addicted to the dopamine hit of a finished product, without the labor it takes to create. To command a machine and have it obey instantly feels powerful. Is it wrong? I myself do not know — but to me, it is concerning.

The lack of patience and instant gratification that not only destroys the attention span of people, it also kills the will to learn new things, the will for a challenge, the thirst for a seemingly unreachable goal, thus the lack of progress.

To be fair, we can say that prompting generative AI still involves creativity, in the ways the prompter describes, imagines, and refines the things they want to generate.

Is AI the Problem?

No, it is the people who are using it. It is the people who failed to witness one of the most crucial parts of creativity. It is the people who refuse to learn the fundamentals, the foundations, the baby steps, the building blocks, however you want to call it.

It’s all about Progress

progress.. progress.. progress..

To me, it is what makes creativity special. Some may seem gifted, but even talent needs nurturing. Without practice and exposure, even the gifted ones cannot grow into prodigies. Alas, it still takes skill for someone who is gifted — they’re just different.

Not everyone can bring their visions to life — and that’s fine. The things that our mind envisions may not be the same as what we are truly going to make using our skills and materials. We may be expecting good but receiving something different; and that is okay.

Because that is progress — time and practice is progress.

Progress is the fingerprint of your growth and change, even the awkward attempt, doubtful lines, and hopeless steps backward still mark the path that you are walking. Eventually, you would see how far you have reached, and that the challenge that you thought was difficult wasn’t so bad after all.

Limitless vision, limited energy. We are NOT robots.

But what if you suddenly stop? What if your works suddenly seem to show regression rather than progression? Is it still “progress”?

Yes, yes it is still progress, as long as you still keep going, it’s progress, for you are still moving, from baby steps once again.

Have you ever heard of an art block? How about a writer’s block? Or even a dancer’s block?

Believe me or not but it exists. Creative people are limitless in vision, but limited in energy. The creative mind gets tired of making due to the things it imagines, it fantasizes, it wants. Just like the way we execute these things leads to burnout or simply tiredness.

Our hands may fall weak from its constant adherence to our brain, words may fall short or our voice might crack.

But that doesn’t mean we have lost it, it just means we are human.

After one experiences any kind of mental block that they are having, sometimes it takes time.

It may take days, months, or years.

Skills may go dormant and refuse to express the good things in our mind that we want to create right away.

How could one create if the brain cannot process its other functions properly?

Passion..?

Progress is:

raw creativity,

real creativity,

the harsh truth of creativity.

It is not instant.

It is a long ride of depressing “what if I can’t do it” with a mix of joyful “I did it”.

Your passion doesn’t fade — it just changes shape.

And that change is a part of your progress.