Being an adult sucks.

When you gotta go to work with mud on your ass because you keep falling in the same wet spot on the way to your car, and if you run back inside to change you'll be late. Again. Please see me in my office.

I am far too sober to be dealing with all this adult today.

Do I want tampons, or do I want gas? Hmm...decisions, decisions.

Enjoy every time you go to the bathroom alone. When you have kids, it is a rare treat.

If you've never really taken care of yourself, expect your body to start falling apart around 25. Surprise! Your back went out!

When your whole week is shitty but you gotta get up tomorrow and do it again. Ain't no rainbows and sunshine for days.

Do not lecture me before 9am about how I'm not "adult enough". My coffee hasn't kicked in yet, and I'm not willing to be held responsible for my actions.

Fucking every male you meet is really frowned upon after age 25.

Eventually, you'll have to take care of yourself when you have something spewing out of every orifice. Be prepared.

Remember how you used to hate naps? One day you'll beg for them.

The American Dream is dead, start coming to terms with that now. Hard work and motivation don't mean shit if you don't know the right people.

Putting no less than 7 stamps on an envelope because nobody seems to understand postage.

Your idea of "fun" will be sitting your ass on the couch and watching other people live life because you're so drained that you can barely muster the strength to push the buttons on the remote.

Being excited about mobile check deposits, because after working 9 hours and commuting 2 hours there's no open banks to walk your paycheck into.

Why are there oranges on my arm? Oh, you pooped through your diaper. No, you can't eat those (again).

Having to thank the cop who decided not to arrest your husband. Just another Thursday.

When you gotta skip girl's night because your carrots and ramen noodles busted the bank.