Can we talk about Undertale?
I love Undertale ❤ Well...kinda... The game at least. The game was amazing. I will probably never play it again but I still loved it. I used to make a lot of Undertale art because I got into the fandom and got to be a part of many great things along meeting some really lovely people.
Now I haven’t made anything with Undertale for a while. Why? Because the fandom I used to be in evolved into something I couldn’t keep up with. I was slowly falling behind and some day I realized that I was in a whole other place than most of those I got to know. It was my own fault because I guess I was never as deep into the fandom as those around me, or managed to socialize with enough people. Even fandoms can feel lonely. My social anxiety have become really bad during the past year, which tend to make me look like/seem as if I don’t have interest in people – and if you were any of those that felt left behind by me – I’m sorry. I never lost interest, I’m just extremely shy and afraid of what people think of me and my works. Again – my own fault. One of my flaws.
What Undertale did for me was that it got me back into drawing. I have never been drawing so much or progressing as fast as now – since Undertale fanart was what got me back into art after an on-and-off hiatus caused by lack of time and inspiration, energy and a crippling depression. I tried to make people happy with my art, but no matter how many requests I filled it was never enough, not to mention that people started to steal my art and sell it on eBay. Someone even tried to steal my cosplay. Those things hurt but I thought I didn’t want to waste time fighting it so I just let it happen.
What really hurt though, was that after posting my very first few pieces of original artwork a little later on this summer, people wrote to me minutes after uploading if I had left the Undertale fandom and if “I could just draw undertale pls”. And unfortunately it kept going on. People got mad at me for turning down requests – thinking it was stupid that I didn’t just draw what they asked FOR FREE. There were some PM incidents and more art theft as well. Can’t I simply ignore these people? Well I did for the most part - but this became a daily thing..I couldn’t ignore the fact that people from the community that I loved so deeply would treat me so badly. While fighting a devastating depression I didn’t exactly take things as lightly as other might have. It just struck me with great sadness that people would be so selfish, time upon time, upon time and again.
So I guess it’s time to say goodbye.
Why? Because this fandom has become toxic to me, slowly killing every moment of joy I experienced within in. I’m backing out while I still feel love towards the original game at least. If we ever talked and had fun, then I enjoyed it – then you are not any of these selfish and childish people that ruined it for me. By ruined I mean that I almost can’t watch any fanart of Undertale anymore without cringing – it is horrible and it makes me feel like an idiot. And I don’t want to just blame other people for my situation because, hey, it happened this way, not just because of the way that they acted towards me but also because of the way I received it. This fandom has some incredible people in it but I have encountered so many childish people as well and eventually it felt like they were everywhere. I should probably have reached out and talked to someone, but I let them ruin it for me instead.
So thank you if you were ever part of this journey with me – if you sometimes just said hello because you thought I was nice and not because you wanted something from me. Thank you. And if you ever write me again, then don’t be afraid if I answer very short headed of anything in that regard – I’m just extremely scared of what you might be thinking of me, and my way to deal with that is to pull away completely from people – making everything even worse. I probably stalked your blog even more than you thought I did because I really liked you guys.
Thank you again for the time – I had fun too.
With that said I will start working on some personal projects. I will never say that this time in the fandom was for nothing because I did actually manage to get friends. I’m just posting my own stuff now (at least until I am struck with a new fandom) and if you don’t want to be a part of that then thank you for the time you were here ❤ If you want to stay and see what I’m going to do with my art now, I will be very happy to have you tag along on this journey~!
Remember that I don’t bite - I’m just extremely shy and introvert.
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