This blog has been mostly me vomiting negative feelings into it. Getting things off my chest. The pain I have endured from others.
I can't recall if I have mentioned how I have also been on the wrong side of things and have sometimes been the bad guy.
One thing in thinking about this today is that I still have work to do to not be who I do not wish to be. In those past errors in my behavior, I've said "never again" but, even if I don't do those specific things again, am I still the same person or in the same mindset that lead me to doing those things? Partially, no. I have grown and know I actually have no desire to do anything near what I have done. However, some changes are still needed.
I can still succumb to things like social pressure. And even though I have stood my ground before days and days out, it just took a year of consistency of trying to push me out of my stance for that effort to be successful. So, I have to reflect and think about why it happened and who I am that pulled me towards doing things I was and am still against now. I need to change, still. Maybe it will take more time and more effort but if I really want to ensure that I never am the person I don't want to be again I have to keep at it.
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