ADHD.lol

Tactile:

-putting on tight clothes (tight tops, leggings, socks, etc)

-putting on chapstick

-rolling your feet on a cylindrical object (feet massager, rolling pin, etc)

-using a weighted blanket or pilling blankets on top of you

-asking someone to lay on top of you (if you are both comfortable with the idea)

-sitting cross legged or with you legs under you

-petting you animal if you have one

-running hot or cold water on your hands and/or switching between the temperatures

-taking a bath or shower

-putting on a hat or ears protectors

-massaging your head/playing with your hair

Auditory:

-listening to music

-listening to asmr

-reading out loud

-tearing paper or fabric

-tapping on stuff that make nice sounds

-making a DIY maracas by putting dry beans or rice in a tupperware or bottle

Olfactory (smell):

-making your favorite tea

-smelling or putting on lotion or chapstick

-opening random stuff in your fridge or pantry and smelling them

-starting essential oil diffuser if you have one

-baking something

-cooking up some garlic and butter (found this idea on tumblr)

-opening a window and smelling the fresh air

-smelling your laudry detergent or your shampoo

-hugging a partner or friend to smell their scent (if you are both comfortable with it)

-lighting up a scented candle

-cleaning the bathroom so that it smells like cleaning supplies

Gustatory (taste):

-chewing on a stim toy

-brushing your theet

-drinking juice

-eating something

-finding a food for every type of taste (sweet, salty, bitter, sour, umami) and eating one at a time (ex: a spoonful of jam, then a salty craker, then a piece of dark chocolate, then a a sip of cranberry juice, then a mushroom)

-getting a buch of veggies and then multiple dipping sauces (they can range in heath, texture, acidity, etc) (also got this idea on tumblr)

Visual:

-cleaning up the clutter

-watching people from your window or balcony, trying to find out stuff about them just by the way they are dressed and are walking

-arranging your colored crayons in a way you like, then doing it again and again in other orders

-arranging your folded clothes by colors

-if you have a lava lamp, watching it

-putting glitter and/or little pieces of paper in a see through bottle filled with water and then shaking it (this is one of my favorite stim also)

-watching a nature documentary

Vestibular/ Proprioceptive:

-jumping on your bed

-putting a lot of pillows and blankets on your bed and flopping onto it (also found this one on tumblr)

-shaking you leg while balancing on the other one and switching between them

-spining

-trying to make up/learn a new dance

-holding a really light object in one of your hand and a heavy one in the other. Trying to lift them at the same time

If you have acces to those things:

-making good use of a trampoline

-getting in the pool while hugging your knees and letting the water move you around.

sometimes your abuser didn’t mean to abuse you.

they still abused you.

sometimes your abuser was doing the best they could. their best wasn’t enough. it was harmful. it was cruel.

they may not have known better. they may not have realized the effects of their behaviors and actions and words and choices. they may not have had that understanding.

it may have been how they were raised.

it may have been normalized for them.

they still abused you.

it’s not the intent but the effect that matters. their differing perspective or altered recollection does not change what was done. to you. 

your abuser may have changed over the years. they may have learned better, or calmed down, or heard you and realized they hurt you.

they still hurt you.

“i didn’t mean to” “that wasn’t how i saw it/meant it/remember it” “it’s how i was treated and i was fine” “i tried, i didn’t know better, i did my best” “that was so long ago and i’ve changed”

these are explanations at most generous, excuses in bald face.

don’t confuse them for apology. for amends. for repentance or changing of ways.

explanation, excuse, context. they frame a situation, but they don’t rewrite it.

forgiveness is your choice. yours only. you don’t owe it. it’s only healing or worth a damn at all if it’s what you choose, what you need. frankly, forgiveness isn’t even earned. it’s yours to give or not, based on whatever standard is right to you.

but if you’re looking to give forgiveness to the sorry, make sure they’re saying sorry, and not just explaining themselves. 

they’re not the same thing.

make sure they’re not trying to explain that, in fact, they didn’t abuse you at all, because of their perspective, because of context.

me: *writes small scripts for ordinary social interactions to avoid anxiety* *stims/cannot keep still* *likes certain things so intensely that it frightens self/could talk abt those things all day* *is confused by how some ppl always know what to say or do most of the time* *has trouble making and keeping conversations*

me: *didn’t realize a friend was invinting me to her sister’s birthday party when she sent me a picture of the invitation bc she didn’t explicitly say so* *is naive/childlike* *easily distracted to the point of dissociation* *was teased during childhood for being too uptight/teacher’s pet* *emulates fictional characters/other people in terms of personality* *used to repeat words randomly as a child/still does that as a young adult, esp. words in other languages just bc “they sound pretty”*

me: *is baffled when ppl express interest in spending time with me* *has poor time management skills/ is a serial procrastinator* *deeply dislike certain textures/sounds/smells* *is photosensitive* *is considered weird by friends and family* *has unusual manneirisms*

I may talk too much and too intensely, but I listen the same way.

I will remember the gist of your life story and emotional conflicts, but will probably forget your secrets before I ever have the opportunity to tell them.

So, when I see parents talking about how they don't want to medicate their child, I understand why, but I also get very angry. And sad.