I think I need a more healthy way to make and maintain social connections. I really dislike facebook. I feel like the few important connections I maintain on there are held hostage by the site. I could probably just let go of that stuff. I don't think I've forged strong enough bonds with any of those people that they would be specifically hurt by my absence in their lives, and my life wouldn't change much either. It's all very superficial stuff. My inability to make and maintain deep personal connections is the cause of my loneliness, and certainly part to blame for my misery. These superficial ties are not a replacement, but I don't know what I'm even looking for. I'm certainly not finding it on Facebook, though.

Fuck yeah, mother fuckers.

Got through another day. Went to my final forge class. I have uninstalled all games from my phone, and set my phone browsers not to keep me logged onto social media. I still couldn't fucking sleep last night. I got probably 3 hours at the start of the night, when I laid down. I was dead tired. But even that sleep wasn't very deep. I was waking up a bit every now and then. After that, I was just woke as hell. My mind was a theater, playing through every recent fuck up, every cause of anxiety. I ran out of despair, and it just became enfuriating. I have one more major project to finish. Due Friday. I need to work on it tonight. I'm dead tired. I'm starting to develop a head cold. I already have been having bad stomach upset, which is draining what little energy I can get from sleeping. It's been a shitty semester for my health, so I guess it would be anticlimactic to get better at the end of the semester. I made a doctor's appt. about a month ago, soonest thing I could get is a month from now. Love that shitty, shitty insurance. Being poor in this uncaring fuck of a country is a real blast. A hootenanny. I feel like I'm going to crumble soon.

Aight time to log out of social media for this next 24 hour crunch. And then the 60 or so hour crunch after that. What I mean is. I ain't dead, and if you see me online before Friday afternoon, shame me. Peace.

Haha. I wrote an introduction statement for a seminar class last year, and so many of my long winded classmates went over that I never even got to read. It was kinda dissapointing, even though I was nervous about it, because I did all that emotional preparation and it just felt anticlimactic. Because noone ever heard it, I can probably cannibalize and rework that for my artist presentation. Nice.

I learned this morning (wednesday) that I have a 10 presentation due Friday that I was supposed supposed to be thinking about for the whole semester. I clearly did not.

I just need to survive through finals. I can hang on through the second half of December. Then I'll see a doctor. But god damn. I had a shitty thanksgiving break. I worked for a good chunk of it, or else I barely left my bed. My fucking hand are even hurting now. It's so hard to fall asleep. I have to get upe early to go help run a kiln at like 8 in the morning. I'll be lucky to get 4 hours tonight. I might just blow off going to the forge tomorrow afternoon on the grounds that I am in pain. Except I like forging, so I probably won't. God knows I probably shouldn't play with hot iron on 4 hours sleep, though.