This is a personal blog

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

too many stories about turning yourself into a monster as a metaphor for pretending to be something you aren't and losing yourself in the process. not enough stories about turning yourself into a monster as a metaphor for choosing to openly embrace yourself even if it's strange to other people

BRILLIANT BRILLIANT

undiagnosed autistic people will be like "I don't get upset when my routine changes though!!" and it's because they've built a set of if-then loops in their head to pick from one of 6 different strict routines and they do get incredibly upset when they're unable to keep to any of the 6 scripts. I'm john normal

Was just thinking about this the other day. Yeah I have a favorite seat on the bus (middle of the bus, near the back doors, slightly elevated, facing forward), but I don’t get upset if someone is already sitting there, I just pick one of my other favorite spots. Then I realized that most people probably don’t have a favorite bus seat, let alone a series of backup favorites.

I can't count how many times I've researched a word because I don't know exactly what it means, only vibes

Every single day this month has been like Okay sure. Okay sure what the hell. Okay sure. I guess

been thinking about simon. about how he's been on death row until the day before his execution. about how he's been sacrificed himself for athena, about how aura then sacrificed herself for him, in the way he did for athena all those years ago. how he had his autonomy and future stripped from him, and how detached from himself he must have grown to cope, how he must have accepted his death early on as an unchangeable fact. how he has so much love for the people around him but its been so long he doesnt even know them anymore. how he still works for the same system that wrongfully inflicted years of trauma and abuse on him. how his only "friend" who electroshocked him daily turned out to be the very culprit simon was accused of being. how he studied psychology only to become so immensely traumatized that it will take the rest of his life to heal.

“do we think maybe a vegetable would cause less despair” still living in my head rent free