so now get up

ilya telling shane about irina and how they were best friends and he hung out with her all the time and he was her protector and he would skip school on her bad days to brush her hair and make sure she ate something even if it was just tea and she was an angel and you know shane is calculating how best to gently bring up to his husband that that doesn’t sound like it was very fair to child ilya without ilya reacting like a wild fucking animal

ilya comes back from therapy with galina like three months after this fight (of course it was a fight) and with the same candor as ashley padilla in the mom confession sketch goes i’m only going to say this once and i’m only going to say it if after i do you promise you will not react no talking no faces no nothing and shane’s on the couch reading like uh. what’s going on? and ilya goes what i have to tell you. Is that I think I was treated unfairly. By my mom. and of course shane makes a face and ilya is reacting like a wild fucking animal

[suddenly disillusioned] my illusions..

i just think that when shane gets annoyed and stressed he gets all sweaty and red faced and his bangs stick to his forehead and he’s all frowny and ilya knows he can make it better if they’re home by coaxing and/or forcing something into shane’s mouth. doesn’t solve the problem necessarily but it gives shane something to self soothe on, just a thumb or a couple of ilya’s fingers and the frown lines start to smooth away, his eyes drifting shut as he starts to suck rhythmically. just a fussy baby, hm? ilya will say, condescending in that way that makes shane go all fuzzy. my baby needs to suckle, he says and shane opens his eyes to glare. m not a baby, he tries, tongue thick around ilya’s thick fingers. he pets on his tongue, underneath in the soft wet of his mouth. you are, my little baby. you need to smell me to calm down, don’t you? here, he says, and manoeuvres shane’s head so it’s nestled in his armpit, fingers still in his mouth, other hand heavy on the back of his neck. shane moans a little, nestles closer. there baby that’s better isn’t it he says, and he feels a little of shane’s drool wet the hair under his arm. that’s answer enough for him

Imagine if people watched Interview with the Vampire and it inspired them to think about how the past is in a very real way inaccessible to us and memory can be misleading even when you're not being dishonest and different people can have different experiences of the same event that feel emotionally true and are very real to the people who experienced them even if they contradict each other and often you will never be able to know what really happened and how this can make repairing damaged relationships difficult and threatening to a person's sense of self

nothingggg is more ilya than the tampa hotel room sequence where shane comes out, ilya acts like a dick while keeping himself physically as far from shane as possible, shane gets his feelings hurt and starts looking a little chin-wobbly, and ilya audibly GROANS and flings himself across the room to sit next to him on the bed. but he’s still not looking at shane or touching him because ilya is NOT here to comfort him or anything ok he just randomly and totally unrelatedly got tired of standing up at the exact moment that shane’s big brown eyes started getting all wet and shiny with tears and the nearest place to sit down happened to be on the bed next to shane. do NOT read anything into this as none of this means ANYTHING (in under two minutes he will be crying in shane’s arms btw)