Where I put my occasional feelings

no no guys this isn’t over. my dad is an author/writer and he warned me that will was going to have his “dark night of the soul” first where everything seems to be going wrong and that included a POSSIBLE rejection that changes in the finale. And there was no outright rejection. there was no scenes with them together & alone, the painting hasn’t been addressed, and we STILL haven’t had mike pov from what i’ve watched. and mileven is still unconfirmed to be platonic or romantic lmfao they still haven’t done anything explicitly romantic!! they’re still lacking chemistry and STILL talking in broader terms (mike mentions the whole party near the end of the scene in ep 6 where el is entering will’s mind, literally lists EVERYONE’S NAMES, implying his “we” is everyone. so i’m sincerely doubting mileven endgame they’re still bones)

robin also telling will that she told someone first!! and will is an incredibly unreliable narrator!!! and we’re still in his pov it seems.

Lex even tried to do the whole “force the hero to make an impossible choice” thing and it didn’t work because Superman asked his friends for help!

Cas gets called dad/daddy and soon after Sam is getting called Papa or something similar while Deans just getting called Dean. Which is fine with him. He’s not the kid’s parent. Not really. Does it make him feel kinda left out?….Maybe. But it’s not an actual issue. So what if Jack is more attached to them? That’s a good thing, it puts less stress on him or whatever.

Then one day Jack just says “where’s momma?” and Sam and Cas exchange sad and confused looks. “Jack…your mother is in heaven, remember?” And Jack is like “I know. That’s mom. I’m talking about momma.” And they’re like “??? Who’s momma???” Jack looks at them like they’re stupid “Dean!” And they’re both immediately like oh noooo Deans not gonna like that so they try to ignore it and maybe Jack will drop it. “Deans in the garage he’ll join us later.”

Jack refers to Dean as momma a few more times when he’s not in the room. Not on purpose he just hasn’t really had a reason to call him by the name directly. And every time Cas and Sam panic and start over using Deans name. Deans relationship with Jack is already pretty shaky and they’re both pretty certain a guy who values his masculinity so much like Dean getting called such a feminine term by him will shatter any progress they’ve made and make him retreat entirely

Then it finally happens. Jack calls Dean momma straight to his face and there’s no one else he could possibly talking about. Dean’s cooking and Jack asks “watchcha making, momma?” Everyone freezes except Jack. Dean doesn’t really look all that upset just confused. He points to himself “Me?” Jack nods enthusiastically. “Oookayyy…anyways it’s beef stew” and just goes back to stirring to everyone’s surprise.

Eventually Cas takes Jack out of the room and Sam rushes into damage control mode. “I swear we didn’t tell him to call you that, we’ll get him to stop.” And Dean feels a stab of disappointment but rolls with it because wtf is he supposed to say? No, let him? It’s not so bad? It weirdly made him feel seen? Yeah fat chance. So he just says “alright” But Sam doesn’t drop it. “You’re being oddly chill about this” “dude he’s the three year old son of Satan that I’m coparenting with my brother and best friend in an underground bunker of a secret society, being called ‘momma’ isn’t even close to the oddest thing to come out of this” “….right well. Good. I’ll still talk to him about it” “….thanks”

And he does stop. Jack goes back to calling him Dean and he has to ignore the dull ache in his chest every time it happens. He starts to distance himself a bit more. Not totally consciously but it sucks and he can’t tell anyone why it sucks because they won’t get it so it’s better to just avoid. Sam and Cas notice this but come to the conclusion that the one instance had screwed things up and they don’t know how to fix it. Then Sam gets the brilliant not idea of suggesting a more masculine but still familial nickname for Jack to call him. They brainstorm and land on ‘uncle’ because there’s really no other paternal name left that makes any sort of sense for Dean to be called

So the next day Jack enthusiastically calls him “uncle Dean” Instead of the warm and happy reaction they’re expecting like Sam and Cas had felt when they got their names, Dean screws his lips together, nods once, and leaves the room. Jack’s face falls “What’d I do wrong?” “Nothing honey” and Cas goes to follow Dean but Sam stops him and goes instead. Sams pissed “What’s your problem? He’s a kid and he’s trying. Why’re you making this harder than it has to be.” Dean’s sitting in a chair next to a whiskey decanter and stares blankly at Sam before he pours himself a heavy glass and drinks half of it.

“Do you know what you called me when you were real little? Like real little.” “Yeah Bean or Dee” “Yeah…yeah that’s right. You also had a habit of calling any woman that took care of us Mama. And it broke my heart because I didn’t have any pictures of mom to show you to fix that. So I did my best to tell you as many stories about her as I could. About how she’d take care of us and how she was always there. And then at some point…” Dean takes another sip of his whiskey. “…you started calling me Mama.” Sam’s breath hitches but Dean keeps going. “And it made sense, Y’know? I was the one doing all the stuff from the stories for you most of the time. I tried so hard to correct you but you were insistent, man. I even tried ignoring you but you’d just keep screaming it and crying till I had no choice but to answer. I ended up responding to Mama just as much as my name because you’d call me it as often, if not more. It drove Dad nuts.” Sam cuts him off “So Jack calling you momma brought up bad memories.” “No just- you gotta let me finish dude this is hard enough on me.” “Right sorry” “You eventually started tapering off around the time I started going to school. Soon enough you only called me that when you were really tired or really hurt/sick. Then you stopped all together by the time you were like four-ish. And it was weird because I should’ve been relieved that you stopped but I was….sad? I didn’t know why and I honestly still don’t. It’s not like I wanted you calling me that I just wanted to be your brother but I had to be everything else on top of it and I-I don’t know.” He finishes off his glass and sets it down with a thud. “Then Jack calls me it and it’s stupid and ridiculous but it… felt right? People have been pointing out I have maternal tendencies since forever, it’s not new. I’m not blind. I do most of the cooking. I nest and nag. It makes sense. But then you just automatically assumed I hated it and how was I going to correct you? I just had the same shitty feelings all over again. Now Jack goes and calls me uncle and I feel like I’ve been demoted even further . Which is even more stupid because we called Bobby uncle and he was more of a father to us than John ever was.“

Dean scrubs his face with his hand and goes to pour himself another glass but Sam stops him with a hand. “We don’t have to talk about this anymore. I’ll tell Jack and Cas we were wrong and he can call you what he wants. Okay? I’m sorry we drudged all this stuff up.”

Dean shrugs. “It would’ve come up at some point anyways.” “Still…I’m sorry.” “Dont mention it” “And thank you….for everything” “Ugh quit it with the chick flick crap”

Sam bites his tongue and lets Dean have that one

if theres one thing i like more than yapping about something its recommending fics!!!!! yippee!!! much love to all the authors under this read more bc if im gonna recommend something by golly im gonna recommend a LOT

(all mostly poppy centric. bc. lets be real here, we all know im biased as fuck)

All I can think about when I see this new Cactus flower in the latest snapshot is this clip from Technoblade:

"sometimes, i thought my father was a God. i loved him that much."

— Leila Chattis, "Muslim Girlhood"

Ow