A playing card by any other name:

Haha hello. I supposed I should be flattered, but I'm afraid you'll be disappointed by my response.

I think a lot of the posts in the polyamory tags give this perception that polyamory is all group cuddle puddles, game nights, and everyone loving everyone indiscriminately between every possible pairing. I'm sorry to inform you that's not really my experience - and most long term poly relationships I see don't have that dynamic.

I can count on my hand the number of times we had a "cule" together over the last year. We make one or two group road trips to the swingers resort. I had brunch with hubby, his gf, and my comet's gf. I had never met my comet's gf before that. I went to a few kink events with hubby and my comet. Hubby's gf hosted a game night, her husband left early with his girlfriend leaving the three of us to watch a movie. There really isn't much of a "group dynamic".

Like, if you're wanting to join my "polycule" it's not going to be like in the fanfics you read here. In my experience, the majority of poly people date separately either in some form of Parallel or Garden Party Poly (Metas are friendly, but only really interact at social events.)

You could date me - but let's be for real, I'm already saturated at 3 partners. I can handle exchanging a few text messages from time to time but not another relationship. Hubby isn't a texter, he works, raises our kids, if he were seeking out a new partner it'd be a date every other week. My comet works, nonstop. Work is his primary partner. You might see him less often than I do. My boyfriend? He currently prefers parallel, you're not going to get any polycule experience that way. I can't speak for hubby's gf or her hubby, I see only them on few occasions.

That's also assuming you even like any one of us! That's kind of the important thing about dating before evolving into a relationship. Are we even attracted to each other? Do we vibe? Does our communication style match up? Our relationship goals? (A super involved polycule is not on my list.) Do we have any of the same interests?

My main point is, relationships really are a one on one dynamic. Even in a throuple, there are 4 relationship dynamics that need nurtured. A+B+C isn't nearly as important as the relationships between A+B, A+C, and B+C. If those one on one connections aren't healthy then the throuple will fall a part.

My suggestion is set aside the end goal. Maybe you'll end up in the polycule or your dreams, maybe you'll find a dynamic that works better. Focus on building your relationships one individual connection at a time. You deserve the effort and time it takes to build healthy relationships, and your future partners do too - regardless of how that ends up looking long term.