No one believes you. Stupid girl, cry baby, idiot, attention whore don't you know that no one fucking believes you? They don't even remember what happened anymore! Even your best friend doesn't think it was real, you probably made the whole thing up in your head. You always were a victim soul, always waiting to spill all the ways they hurt you. It's your fault! It's all your fault, all your faultfaultfault. Why are you still crying? Didn't you like it? I thought you liked it when it hurt

I hate you. I want to tell them all what you did!! Disgusting!! Who shows that to a child!!! I was too young you knew that you knew that you knew that you bastard. You bastard!! Your hands are still unbottoning my pants and I'm still silent as you do it and I want to die for not screaming, for not pushing you away, for not saying no. Or anything at all. Why did you do that? What did I ever do to you? I just wanted you to love me. No one remembers what happened anymore but I do and I'm stuck. Ghost girl, half empty, half dead, don't you know what they call you when you're not there? Slut. Whore. You asked for it, you let it happen, you wanted it to happen, stop crying why are you crying I thought you liked it? Didn't you like it?

I want to kill her!!! Sometimes when I see her all I can think about is how much I want to push her down the stairs!! About how badly I just want to start hitting her and never stop for making me dirty and miserable!! And then I feel like a bad person but I want to believe that I'm allowed to wish for her funeral after what she did!!!

I know it's not healthy to want to kill my abuser but that doesn't make me feel any better!! Everyone is always telling me to move on and let go but it just makes me want to hold on that much more!! Forgive and forget doesn't stop me from wanting to throw the shitty bastard down a flight of fucking stairs!

God why couldn't you just leave me alone why do you have to look at me why do you have to come talk to the people I'm with don't you know you terrify me don't you know I wish I could push you down the stair case, start swinging until I was covered in blood and finally clean again

I hate you so much and sometimes I still feel your hands creeping up my thighs, sliding under my shirt and i can't breathe anymore I feel so dirty so ashamed I hate you I hate you so much