Sheer & Utter Chaos

You grow

and I cheer—

loudly,

bravely,

as if my heart isn’t cracking

with every inch you stretch away from me.

You lift your head,

roll,

reach—

and I smile so wide

I hide the sting.

Because every first

is also a last.

The last time

you’ll need me

in that way,

for that thing,

at that hour.

Your clothes shrink.

The room shifts.

The quiet hum of newborn days

fades into laughter,

footsteps,

questions I never thought

I’d hear from someone

who once lived

beneath my ribs.

I wanted you to grow.

I want you to grow.

But oh—

there’s grief

stitched into every milestone.

A letting go

no one warned me would come

so soon,

so soft,

so sharp.

And still—

I’ll keep watching,

keep clapping,

keep weeping

in the folds of your old blankets,

grateful

and grieving

for every version of you

The joy of being a mother Some will never know How much happiness a life gives My cup overflows A wish came true the day you were born That’s soppy but it’s a fact You will always be my baby no matter what you think of that! Though it’s annoying right now to hear me proclaim my love each and every day Just remember there will be a time, where it won’t always be that way! So take it on…

hey, brain like it or not some things are going to change no more sitting around until the sand in the hourglass runs out real life happens now out there the sun is shining and the colours are bright green littered with yellow, purple, white out there in the early summer light beauty can be found and yes I know it’s hard when the mind is a battleground when you are tired of fighting too exhausting every decision a deliberate act a strategic war against yourself yes I know I promise there will still be time to rest but we have to take the first step nothing ever happens if you freeze in place and wait, wait, wait for everything for nothing to happen let’s be brave let’s move forward without regret cause in the end I don’t want to realize that I never actually lived my life

Little poppyseed

Growing in my uterus

the world stops

turning and

my heart stops

beating

will the anxiety

of life finally

allow me peace

in the middle of an ocean of thoughts,

of expectations, pressure, millions of words,

i try to swim, i try to stay afloat,

but in order to succeed, i cannot ever stop.

i'm not allowed to rest,

cause what if i'm not the best?

and if i don't always excell,

for me that's nothing left.

that's what i keep on thinking,

but now everything starts spinning

and i can't help but noticing

how scarily fast my heart is beating.

maybe i should just focus on breathing

but i'm so overwhelmed, i'm suffocating

maybe it's better to give up, to stop trying:

what if, all my life,

when I meet someone new,

I can never fall for them

because they aren’t you?

May it be gentle; may it not weigh a ton.