ARCHIVE BLOG.

If there had ever been a moment where Victoria had been tempted to spoil her secret, it was now. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she nodded her head slightly. “You’re right,” she muttered, avoiding her eyes for a moment. “It’s your choice.” Who was she to tell Aaron what she should and should not do? Regardless of whether she withheld significant information or not. The last thing she wanted was to pick a fight with Aaron, trying to convince her about something without being able to tell her the whole truth. God, she felt like such a jerk. Exhaling, she then darted her eyes down at her phone. “It’s, uh, it’s your turn.” In the midst of it all, she’d almost forgotten about the twisted game they were playing. 

Aaron didn’t usually speak what was on her mind, she usually just let everyone do what they want and walk all over her. It was practically textbook. Huffing, she didn’t want to upset the girl, that was the last thing she wanted to do. But she didn’t want to keep talking about it either. So instead she just nodded and moved on with a game that was still more terrifying than their conversation. “The biggest lie I ever told was that I’m fine. I know that sounds typical but. Every time I got hurt by my cousin, I just told people a lie. And then...” She took a deep breath. “Then I got kidnapped. and was missing for three months since I insisted that I was ‘fine’.” 

Vicky tried to mask the frustration in her face as her words seem to fly straight past the girl. Oh, but she knew, alright. She’d experienced first hand what kind of jerk Declan was. And the last thing she wanted was for her friend to get hurt by said douchebag. “Aaron… It does matter,” she sighed, allowing the silence to hang in the air for a moment. “Listen… I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I have a feeling that you accept the love you think you deserve. Believe me, I can relate. I’ve been with guys who were all kinds of wrong for me. Hell, I even dated a drug addict who was too preoccupied sticking a damn needle into his arm than to take care of his three-year-old daughter. Don’t sell yourself short, Aaron, you’re worth so much more than that.” Granted, she had a bad feeling in her gut telling her that Aaron wouldn’t listen until she learned the whole truth. Hell, maybe she wouldn’t even listen at all. 

It was just frustrating having people talk at her, and she felt like no matter what she did, people were going to keep doing that, no matter how many times she asked them not too. It was just her persona, a broken bird needing fixing, but she was so beyond and sick of that. “Vicky,” she said with a sigh, “I’m sorry you had a shit time with love but.. I..” It was hard for her to gather the words to say. “I’ve had these talks a million times and a million times I haven’t listened. Therapy, support groups, counselor sessions? I’ve had and heard them all. But me being sheltered? And protected? That’s not doing anything for me. If I make my choices it’s because I want them in my life and if it’s a mistake then I’ll find that out and I’ll learn from them. You’re a great friend but my worth is up in the air right now.. Thanks but..” Aaron shrugged, not knowing how to finish that sentence. 

It became to dawn on her that Aaron had a completely different image of herself than the one Victoria saw. She could relate, being the girl who had gone to extreme measurements to meet the needs of her parents. “Well, he doesn’t deserve you,” she said, her voice gaining strength in spite of the fact that her heart was beating rapidly and her mouth felt quite dry. How the hell was she supposed to warn her about Declan without spilling her secret? “Okay — there’s no easy way to say this so — I’m just gonna say it,” she sighed, worried that she would end up hurting Aaron no matter what she did. “He’s a callous fuckboy, Aaron. A lying jerk. And you’re so much better off without him. Don’t ask me how I know this, just trust me.”

Aaron shook her head. All her ideals on what she deserved and what’s best for her and who really mattered were all messed up. She couldn’t help but feel bad for the girl though. She had just told her one of the biggest aspects of her life and here she was, running them over with her dumb feelings. “You don’t know that, Vicky” she shook her head. She didn’t want to fight but also she couldn’t help but shake this feeling of the boy she had spent the night with. When she told Aaron that he was a fuckboy, someone that didn’t care, Aaron couldn’t help but take a step back and shut her mouth. “What if all that doesn’t matter...” 

It had been a while since Vicky had felt so conflicted as she felt right now. Her initial thought was to tell her friend about Declan. Just get it all over and done with. But she knew for a fact that if word got out, she would risk losing her internship. Not only that, but the name she had made for herself in the fashion industry would be in tatters. Sure, what had happened with Declan had been a typical Victoria Greyson move — if only it had happened three years ago. She liked to think that she had changed, but her actions told a different story. “He’d be mad not to like you, Aaron,” she sighed. “Look at you. You’re gorgeous, smart, funny and incredibly kind.” Pursing her lips, the brunette searched for the right words to say, which proved to be rather difficult. “But in my honest opinion… you can do so much better.” 

She tried not to notice how her attitude shifted but she just assumed it had to do with this anonymous figure breathing down their necks. She couldn’t imagine what Vicky’s secret was and how it was affecting her, it must have been rough. “No, he’d be absolutely sane,” she said –– almost mustering up the courage to laugh. Aaron smiled lightly when she complimented her, fighting every ounce of her not to fight back, she just didn’t see herself in a good image. “I get what I deserve.”

“I appreciate that, Aaron, I really do,” Vic said in all honesty. It was easy to tell that the girl talked from experience. Maybe not first-hand, but nonetheless. It was nice not having to deal with the judgment for once. She’d already dealt with enough of that. The brunette froze the second the name Declan echoed in the air. A part of her begged for it to be pure coincidence, that maybe there had to have been two guys named Declan at the event that night. Fucking hell, she knew karma wouldn’t grant her such a kind favor. Coming to realize that it was the same guy she’d fucked in the damn cloakroom, she tried to her best ability to keep her composure. “Why, um, why are you nervous to bring it up again?”

Aaron gave the girl a kind nod before casting her gaze towards her fingers which always seemed to preoccupy her. Anyway she could help she would but she was in no place to make the girl seek help when she would refuse to do the same. Claim that ‘nothing’ was wrong. It was easy to do so. She could tell the tone of the air shifted when she mentioned Declan’s name. “Because I get attached too easily.. I don’t want to scare him off... He probably wouldn’t like me anyway. Typical petty thoughts,” she shrugged.

Surprisingly enough it felt somewhat relieving saying it out loud. Only a handful of people truly knew her real struggles. And now that she’d confided in Aaron, she realized that she’d really missed their friendship. A weak yet grateful smile crossed her lips as the other girl placed her hand on her shoulder. Her way of empathizing was soothing, it always had been. “That’s the worst part. I don’t,” she muttered. If she were to seek help for her addiction, she would have to be fully committed to the task at hand. She knew fairly well that she still had a long road ahead. Biting her bottom lip, she then glanced the brunette as she slightly quirked an eyebrow. Clearly, she wasn’t the only one wishing to forget that night. “You think? Why’s that? If you don’t mind me asking…”

For some reason, people always found comfort in telling her things. She wasn’t sure why but the dark part of her mind thought it’s because she was too much of a pushover but then another side reminded her that she was kind, or at least she tried to be. “Well then you don’t have to stop, you should only do what you want to do. A lot of people turn to drinking to cope. Or maybe it just makes everything a little less real. To me? That’s fine but I just don’t want to see you hurt. I don’t think anyone should force you to do anything. You need to make that decision yourself,” she nodded and looked over at her. “I slept with a guy,” she said surprisingly. “Declan I think? I don’t know, we haven’t talked since and I’m frankly nervous to bring it up again.” 

If she had been forced to confide in a stranger, Vicky probably would’ve chosen to do the dare instead. Granted, she’d known Aaron for quite some time now. She wasn’t the kind of girl who’d run around spilling people’s deepest darkest secrets. “Alright, so, uh…” she breathed, trying to find the right words to say. “The biggest lie I’ve ever told… Well, the first thing that comes to mind is the obvious ‘I’m fine’-phrase. I’ve said it so many times it has become a cliché. But other than that… Well, it’s no secret I have a bad habit of turning to alcohol to comfort myself. I tell people I have it under control, but I don’t. That’s just the shit I say to make them back off. Some days it’s fine, while on other days it’s a disaster. Hell, I barely remember what happened on the last event, you know the one, the dare night. And what I do remember I wish I could forget.”

For such a deep conversation, she was glad that she was paired with the tall beautiful woman. She always admired her. There was just something easy about her and it gave her a warm sensation of comfort. Listening carefully, she knew the most insensitive thing she could be was someone who was only caught up in their own emotions so she gave Vicky her ear. “I’m sorry,” the girl said softly and slowly put her hand on the others shoulder. “I know a lot of people with addiction. I surround myself around them. Do you want to get help for it?” Aaron nodded, remembering the dare night, or the event that lead to her sleeping with Declan. Something that registered in her mind as important on such a level it was hard to put into words. “I think I want to forget that night I just can’t.”