alana

7.5.2024

Things happen for me, not to me.

Although I don’t understand the reason now, I trust that God has my best interests in mind.

I appreciate being able to experience life.

everything I want, I have. everything I have, I have the discipline and resources to maintain for as long as I want it.

long time, no see :)

I’ve been in audition mode for SMNGG (and also sick) so I spent most of my day practicing and preparing.

my current fave tool to help me truly believe in the possibility of my dreams (and expand my thinking on what those dreams can become)

Ask ChatGPT to write a story about a character with your details (name, age) achieving the dreams you have. 🦋

Example prompt:

Create a story about a [your age + gender] who becomes [a dream/bucket list item] and achieves [your bucket list items]. Make sure to add specific success stories that demonstrate [the purpose behind your dream].

—

You can get more specific than this and tailor it for the dream you use this for, but this is a general template derived from the flow I used.

skincare, makeup, fragrances, bodycare, and foods I loved in May that I’m still using in June ✨

SKINCARE

Mediheal NMF Ampoule Mask

Paula’s Choice 10% Azaelic Acid w/ Salicylic Acid and Licorice Root

Torriden Dive In Cream

Experiment Beauty Buffer Jelly

Stratia Lipid Gold

Heimish Marine Care Eye Cream

Youth to the People Superfood Cleanser

Purito Centella Green Level Buffet Serum

Axis-Y Biome Radiating Essence

MAKEUP

rom&nd Better Than Cheek (Peach Chip + Fig Chip are my faves!)

Dior BACKSTAGE Powder-No-Powder

NARS Skin Tint w/ SPF 30

Benefit Playtint

Maybelline Sky High Mascara

my Revlon lash curler

my handy dandy MAC Lip Pencil in shade Cork

Givenchy Prisme Libre concealer

Rare Beauty Bronzer Stick

Pseudo Labs PHreckles

FRAGRANCE

Keiko Mecheri ‘UME’

Jo Malone Bitter Mandarin

Keiko Mecheri ‘DATURA BLANCHE’

BODYCARE

Naturium Mandelic Acid Body Wash (perfect for ppl like me who get night sweats)

Naturium Glycolic Acid Body Wash (KP, who?)

Naturium Bio-Lipid Body Lotion

Up and Up (Target brand) Vitamin E + Aloe Body Oil

TOPICALS Slather Body Serum (KP and stretch marks, who?)

TOPICALS Faded Body Mist (hyperpigmentation, where?)

Banana Boat SPF 50 Spray

Josie Maran Self-Tanning Oil

FOODS

Orange Creamsicle Protein Shake (should I drop this recipe? it’s so good 😭)

Braised Chicken

Roasted Sweet Potato w/ Flaky Salt

Sun-dried tomato + basil red lentil pasta

BBQ Steak Bites

Fonio

Collagen Gummies

Mediterranean rice bowls w/ seared chicken, cucumber, tomato, onion, and a greek yogurt sauce

Jeni’s Ice Cream (a girl needs a sweet treat, okay? lol)

Life is hard right now. It’s so overwhelming to literally give up everything to pursue something; to persist and persist with no visible headway.

I’m questioning literally everything right now and it’s taking everything in me to not just give up right now lol. Like am I unhealthily delusional to think I can achieve the dreams I have? Idk.

Lots of tears —

Lots of sweat —

Pilates and protein —

Fiber and weight loss plateaus —

Questioning what the future holds —

3 mile hot girl walks —

Pulling transit charts —

Starting to favor whole sign over placidus —

Realizing they paint the whole picture together —

Once-in-a-lifetime auroras —

Ethereal pink and purple skies in the evening —

Synchronicities, epiphanies, and real life magic —

Auditions, auditions, auditions —

Lisa Rhee dance tutorials and Cheryl Porter vocal exercises —

COWBOY CARTER on repeat —

Feeling so frustrated that giving up seemed like an option —

Wishing for a breakthrough…

Then seeing progress :)

Somehow, I blinked and it’s already over.

I’m grateful for every lesson; every time I had to find my personal power to keep myself motivated; every moment I thought to myself “maybe I can do this”.

I’m grateful for the sky being pretty colors; the birds, bunnies, and butterflies you sent to my backyard; for neighborly camaraderie; and for Jeni’s ice cream.

I’m grateful for being able to uphold boundaries when interacting with others; for my clothes fitting different; for new freckles and moles; for shrinking my tumor without having to do a surgery or radiation.

May 2024, you’ll go down in history as the month of building my lore. Thank you for having me ♥️

June, I’m ready to explore what you have in store for me 🤠

“you’re not doing anything wrong”

“change doesn’t happen overnight”

“just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening for you”

“don’t resent your past self for things they didn’t know”

“you are beautiful”

“you are talented”

“you will end up where you’re meant to thrive and shine”

“your dreams are worthy of the sweat and tears you put in now”

“you’re doing amazing”

“keep pushing. you’ve already made it this far!”

and ofc I did a butterfly hug with a breathing exercise too 🦋

Manually changing your entire life is hard. Even harder when there’s nothing anyone else can do to help you.

Thank you 😊

note: I hope this isn’t too long or confusing!

omg I totally understand this feeling! I only recently became comfortable with my looks and seeing myself on camera.

The key to being able to push through any camera shyness/stage fright is to be comfortable and confident in yourself and your looks.

Things that helped me become more comfortable and confident in my face and body:

staring in the mirror and just looking at my face. Sometimes, I’ll even make faces at myself because I can see what my go-to expressions truly look like.

sitting down and doing my skincare in the mirror. I make it almost a ritual, of some sort. I carve out 10 minutes to take my time and truly work with my face. This helps me tangibly understand my features.

doing my makeup on camera without trying to talk it through, vlog, or anything — just music playing. Most recordings I never post. This helps me see all of my angles and get a clearer picture of my facial proportions.

taking lots of pictures of myself for the fun of it. Selfies, upper body, full body, funny face, weird angle…you name it, I take a pic of it. Think of it as exposure therapy.

Once you understand your face, your features, your proportions, your expressions/mannerisms, and your body at its most comfortable, you’re able to practice how you want to look at your pageants.

If you’ve heard the phrase “know your angles” before, this is what they mean!

Most of all, you should know how to affirm and motivate yourself. In a space like pageants, it can be so easy to put yourself down when you look at others. However, the way you talk to yourself directly fuels your performance. Without positive self-talk, the above activities will fall kinda flat. Like blowing up a balloon that has a hole in it.

I know some people use subliminals to kickstart rewiring their brain to be positive, so that’s an option. However, I’ve seen great affirmations on here that are good to remember when you feel less confident.

not all work feels like work.

sometimes, it really is the exercise, changing your routine, or making conscious choices to change long-held habits.

but sometimes, it’s just learning how to sit. to be.

When was the last time you paid attention to thoughts that weren’t searching for a way to change something about yourself?

When was the last time you enjoyed your surroundings?

If you’re always looking forward, you’ll miss the view in your side mirrors.

What’s the point in doing all of this work on yourself if you’ll only have yourself at the end of your journey?

If you spend all of this time being busy, what time would you take to make sure the internal would match the external you’re creating?

Sadness, loneliness, self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-hate exist at your prettiest and wealthiest too.

You have to remove the noise in your head regularly.

Some ways to do so:

- spend time outside

- spend time without your phone, even if it’s just an hour or two

- greet a stranger when you’re taking a walk

- discover a new place in your city

- journal without erasing or correcting yourself before you even put pen to paper

- scribble random drawings on paper

Learning to love and be at peace with yourself is the key to being truly happy and magnetic.

The version of you at this current moment will become history within the next nanosecond. Crazy to think about, right?

Cherish your time. Cherish your surroundings. Cherish yourself.

I believe in you 💘

love,