Zant’s Hidden Badonkadonk (canon)

alright so good morning or evening to you, dear account visitor. you can just call me Crumbs, and here’s a bunch of junk about myself and this account:

zant (you all may probably know this if you’ve been following me for a while): biromantic homosexual. likes women, but has a very strong preference towards men.

as for his gender, he is mostly referred to as male, but he’s actually A̵̢̧̧̡̡̡̧̧͕͖̭̮͕̪̙̙͍̠̣̺͖̝̝̠̘̤̮͚̦̰̞̬̩̪̩̖̳̮̤͎̲̮̠̲̘̜̬̥̗̺̠͚͚̤̖͕͉͈͔͙͓̙̰̠͚̼̤̟̝̜͎̼̲̰͍̥̮̗͎̮̬̭͊͋̈́̍̆̒̓͂̈̒͋͊̍͒̀̎̿̆̅̓͗̋̋̍͐̈́͆̿̆͛͘̚͜͜͜͝͝͝Ą̵̡̨̡̢̡̧̧̧̡̨̡̨̨̧̧̧̛̗̮̖͙͚͎̼̱͍̦͓̬͔̰̠̥̤͔͖̮̪̠̦̜̹͕̗̞͍͎̼͔̩͙̠͙͕͎̣͓̲͔̞͉̘̟͔̭͉̲̲̗̗͉͓͔̳̠̞̫̘͖͖̪̠̬͔̲͇̮̼̯͍̘̟̳̱̤̠̭̙͕͕̪̘̤͎͖̠̫̫̰͉̱͇̜͓̦͕̝̦͚͎͎̪̦͎̞͓͉̩̲̯͖͖͙͉̜͎̞̞̲̺͙̹͍̰̮̭̟͖̥̱͈̝̞̦͎̙̯̻̺͛́͑̃̔͋̔̒͋̐̂͋̍́̈̈́̈̆̎̄͜͜͜͜͜͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅȦ̸̢̧̢̢̧̨̧̧̡̧̢̢̧̨̧̢̢̢̡̨̢̛̛̛̛̛̛̛͕̝̥͕̯̝͈̺̱̘͍͚̲̟̺̮̳̻̺̤͔̰̲̪̳̦̺̹̗͇̠̼̠̺̰̙̻̦̦͕̤̙̟̮͉̝͔̻̖̹̙͍̻̜̭͇̱̤̻̮̼̝̞͎̠͕͉͓̤̪̻̫̜̬͇͖͔̳̹̞̹̳͓̜͍͙̪̪͖̥͍̻̲͈̪̲̼̠̤̙̯̙̟̗͍͎͖̰͈͇̟͚̬̙͈̱̲̞̩̙̲̼̞̬̮̠̦̹͕̹͚͓̺͔̣̮̟͕̭͕̩̟͍̜̙̯͙̳͔͎̟͈͔̗͎̥͈̙̱̗͔̳͚̲̖̱͇̮͔̜̥͇͖̝̱͕̫̺̠̯͎͎̗̠̫̻̳̰̹̦̪̬̣̬̺͍̠͉̟̞͈̺̱̟̬͍͚̠̝̲̫̠͎͔̳̖͉̻̭̙̤̞̘̝̘̟̥͍͙͈̲͚̱͙͙̣̪͉͓͕̪͉̜̥͋͗̌̋͗̀͆̋̏̈́́͑́͛̐̈̈́̏̈̽͆̑̀̏̈͂̽̃̆̓͋̓̅̆̑͒͗͑̄͋͑̓̅̓͌͊̃̑̂͂̒̿̀̋̃̊̏̓͂̓̀̀̋̈̌͒̐̌̿͗̆͌͂̒͒̄̂̍͌͂̏̑̓̑̾̇̐̓̀̈͗̉̆͋̓̀̋̑̊̏̉̾̈́͗̊̒̀̈̊͂̈́̿̏͒̈͊̓͗̏͗̈́́̂͌̓͐͐̎̍͛̇̏̑̀̈̍̽͛͑͊̔̍̎̃̎̋̇͋̉͑̃͋̄̈́̎͛̽̊͂̈́̂̃͆̂̓͒͗͒̆̈́̀̄̂̌̈́́̈́̾̈́̊͗̈̃͛͌̈́̐͑̊̊͑̏͊͋͊̀̃͂͑͆͛̓̇̀́̒̽̀̐̕̕̚̕͘͘̚͘͘̕̕͘̚̚͘̚͘͘̕͘̕̚̚̚̚̕͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͠͝͝͝͠͠͝͠͠͝͝͠͝͠͠͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͠͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅA̸̧̧̨̧̨̢̧̢̢̧̨̧̢̡̢̧̨̨̢̧̡̨͕̗̻̯̩̭̮͍̲̯͚̱͙̦̹̲̬̤̳̰͎͎̪̖̝̤̫͙̙̥͉̲̲̼̩͚̹̠̬̜̤̻͖͕̬͕̤̱̖̟͈̝̭̼̣͎̗̣̤͔̝̘̲̣̙̩̞̝̦̫̺̪̲̟͔̲͓̗̞͕̹͇̙̪̣̜̗̩̤̯̝̠̦̦̳͓̘͈͕̣͕̺̱̯̳͉͙̼͙͇̪͙̲̮̙̜̰̺̘̳̫̠̞̮̯͍̜̳͔̣͉̯̯͕̹̘̝̠̼͕̫͚̗̝͉͎̝̰̮̖̬̫͕̞̲͈͓̣̜̹̮͎̯͚̦̘̣̺̮̪̥̬̱͍̘̺̦̮̯͆̈́̒̄̇̅͋̿͒̇͑̾̈́̒͂̎̐̎̒̒̚͜͜͜͝͠͝͠͝͠ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅĄ̸̡̡̨̡̨̢̨̛̛̛̛̛̘̦̤̤̜̮̤̹̭̦̦̲̺̼͉̲͉̪̣̘͙̻͉͚̟̞̪̯͕̻̠͈̱̥̟͉͍̪̯͇̤̲̗̲̳̫̠̲͉̘͇͕̭̮͎̪̞̙̭͖͕̱̼̭̩̤̘͔̹͉̥̞̫͖̟̙͈̱͔̬͇͓̘̺̠̮̭͚̟͈̫̱̩̗̹̠̯̗̟̮͉̻͙̜͇̭̯̳̰̩̝̺̗̠̝̦̼͈̱̩̪͉̻̪̳̳̦̺͈̖̳̺̠̺͎͚̞̟̺̗̣̈̀̐͊̓͆͆̈͐̽͆͌́̿͊̇̿̎̈́́̊́͆͑̒̀͌̊͐̃́͌͌̏̑̀͊̀̆̏̄̇̊̈́͊̌͂͗̄̀͌͂͂̈́͌̎̀̎̏̓̍̿͂̊͐͌͌̈͑̒͋̽̀͊͂̂̒̓͗̿́̆̿͋̔͑̈̓̓̎̈́̅͂͊͋̎̑̓̄͆̏͑͒͗̊̋̈́͒͗͋̂̋̄̐̈̀̎͒͐͆́̀͊͆̒̌̍͑͌̔̅͗̈̄͒̎͋̔̅̈́͛̐̌̊̃͆̔̔̎̎͒̾͗̅̐̔͐̓͌̓̀̓̀̈́̌̉̓̆̎̊̃̈́͌́̀̋͌̐͗̎̋̊͋̃̓͂͗͌́̉̚̚͘̕̚̚̚͘̕͘̕̕̚͘̕͘̕͜͜͜͜͜͠͠͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅA̷̧̧̢̡̨̡̨̢̛̛̛̙͖̤̣̞̜͉̲͓̱͙̪͉̯̦̮̯̰͇̪̫͍͍̭̮̟̣͙̬̜̹̞̗͎̪̫̲̩̙̼̣̜̠͈͚̖͓͎̖͈̩͈͓̫̘̠̻̞̳̝̠͖͔̝͕̋͋́͌͛͋̃̒̑̄́̈̎̒̄͛̄̋̋̓͋̊̀͌́̔̀̆͐̋̑͒̽͗̓̇̐̉̿͊́͛̉̑̅̀̊͊̔̋̔́͆̍̊́͗̋̉͊̑͗̍̓͆̈́̌̑̈́̿͂͑̌̓̔̇͑̀̒̄͋̾̃̇͋̈́̌̓͂̔͌̐̀̇̀̍̾̈́͆̾̓͌̊̀̈́̇̈̊̽̀͆͑̄̓͑̇̄̇́̈́̄͑̈́̉͗̉̑͋̌͐̉͌̄̍̈́̔̎͌̃͂̊̔͆͒̋̊̔̐̑̆̊̈́̄̈̀̾̈̓̎̈́̀͑͊̀̈͌̀̏̾͑̏͑͌͊̕̚̕͘̚͘͘̕̚̚̕̕͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͝Ą̴̨̨̧̡̨̢̨̢̡̡̛̮̫͓̩̩͎̫̩̗͕̞͇͎͙̪͓͓̤̤̠̰̩̭̼̠̪̦͉̜͇̰͕̣̟̺͈̻̬̦͓̩͇̼̜͈͍̮͓̮̗̼̭͙͖̹̼̰̳͉͎̥͚̭̞̱̱̟̬̥̦̹̜͙̤͚̦̳̣͔̬̳̹͕̲͙͎̫͓̻̗̟̝͍͈͔̼̪̩̯͉͖̺̘͍͚̬̯̩̫̫̟̥͙̰̗̝͕̘̳̭͙̬̟̺̟̰͈͓͇͚̻͇̹̜̖̭̘͚̩̳̯͉͔̭̯̺̮̯̼̩̳͖͔͚͕͍̤̼̘͉͇̯̰͙̝̫̻͕̥̫̝̲͎̬̼̘̬͎̖̦̥̯͚͔̙͉̘͚͎̘̣̪͉̘̫̻̠̝̭̳͙̝̣̗͍͔̫̙̣̘̥̹̘̙͇̝̠̝̗͍̜̬̻̱̥̥̣́̏̊́̏͂͌̽͐̃̇́̈̆̂̃̊̾͘͜͠ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅÄ̷̧̨̨̧̧̢̢̨̢̡̡̢̨̢̢̢̨̢̨̢̧̧̡̡̡̧̢̢̧̨̡̧̡̡̛̛̛̛̩͙͈̻̬̲̺͔͖͔̘̣̱̤͇̖͉̫̻̭̭͔̗̖̞̳͓͇͍̫̳̬͈͙̤͔̟͇̰̻͉̦̰̣̻̘͉͕̞͎͍̹͔̩̘̩̤͈͔̗̙̰̩̬̝͙̫̖͇̰̼̪̫̼͉̼̯̯͇̫̘͓̱̺̗̯͙̥͎͍͖̺̗̳̥̠̳̖̯͍̠͚̬̣̬̥̰̥̘̘̣̠̮̳̰̙͙͔̬̺̜̼͈͎̪͍̰̞͕̫͚̞̩̮̝̪̠̳͔̥̯̙̻͚͕̞̖͔͖͓̜̺̝͓͙̺͇̳͓̻̺͎̮̞̼̗͍̗̖͚͕͈̜̺̻͓̲̖̮͎̦̠̞͈̘͓̪̥̮͈͙̳͚͔̝͚̟̭̱̠̺͙̞́̅̍̌̍͆̆̈̊̽̈́̇̀̅̈́͒̊̐͌́͆̎̃̋̄̏̅̎͑̐́̎͌̋́̈̈́͂̓̈́̋̀̊̃͗̍͒̔̽̅͗̉͗̌̍̀͊̒̈́̈́͂̑̀̋̈́̾̌́̂̾͆̾̒̿̅͊́̍̈́͌̋̀̈́̑͛͒̊͒͐͑̄̉̔̄̎͋͗͆͐̔͛͐̐̾̏̇̔̑̌̈́̔͆͊̾͆̀̃̀͋̄͗̈́́̇̂̋̄͂͂͌̈́̎͊̈́̒͛̈́͗̇̅̎̏̀̉̋̊̾̈́͊̈̊̎̆̀̔͒̇̒͌̂̔͗̅̿̓̓̀͋̈́̅̐̀̒̓͊̈́͗͒̋̍̂̊̋̍̎̅͒̑̐͛̈̔͐̓̍͆̇̊̄̇̈͌̀̋̓̋̂̃͑̍̄̈́̈́̀̾̓̒̾̈̃̓̒̀͊̽͑̊̊̉̒͑̾͌̑͊̀̓͋̃͊͐́̅͂̕̕̕̕͘̕͘͘̕̕̚̚̚̕̚̚̚̚͜͜͜͜͝͠͠͝͝͝͠͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅÂ̵̢̨̨̢̢̢̢̢̛̛͙̝̬͙̺͈̟̫͔͉̠̼̹̖͎͔̝͓̫̥̜̖̹͍͍̲͙̮̲̩̬̤̰̜̥̱͎̥͕͙͖͔̞̠̺̼͇̻̦̹̗̗̣̘̞̤̝̣̦̙̺̖͓̟͎̰̝̬̬̣̬̬̮̗̤̺̭̣̗͖͖͖̭̇̓̒̅̑́̿́̒̒̎͋̄͂̈̂́͊̓̂̏̏̉̈́͛̀́̊͛̒̈́̈́͌̉̇͐̅̃̍͛̋̔́̓̎͂͆̈́͆͆̋͋̊̎͑̄͊̆͂̌̉̉͐̓̾̋̆͛̎͂͊͆͆͆̊̊̄̈̓͐̀̍͂̀̌̎̉́̄̀̇̋̍̀̈́͘̕̚͘̚͘̕̚̚͘͜͠͠͠͝ͅÂ̵̡̨̢̧̨̧̢̨̧̨̢̢̢̨̧̧̢̨̨̢̢̛̛̛̛͓̗͔̝̺̩͕̣̻̣̣̬̳͈̫̠̩͈̝͈͓̰̦̻̖̲̹͚̞̱̘̻͖̩̟̰̱̪̙̯̳͔̠̟͕̫̭̜͚̦̬̥͈̖̳̥̱̫̳̱͎͕͍̟̞̮̫̖̟͖̤͎͓̮̱̫͖̘̫͈̠̺̼̞͕̼̲̙̬̫̞̩̼̪̺͚̗͎̲͓̼̪̗͇̲̹̣̮̠̲̺͍̜͔̮͎̞̟͚̩͈͍̪̫̫͓̻͉̜̳͈̪͈̭̺͓̯̯̼͎̯͕̺̞̫̭̼̭̼͕͔̦̲͕̰̰̰̻̝̲̯͕̤̦̖͙͇̘̩̪̟͚̗͇̦͚͖̫͇̠̳̻͖͇̩̯̣̮̣͎̞̗̬̞̰̫̭͓̯̱͙̪͉̘̠̪̗̗̦̪̳̩͍̺̟̙͍̥̹̹̗͕̠̭͔̦̗͙̗̜͉̖̫̮̻̙̠̤͕͐̽̔̄́̎̑͌̽̀̉̋̀̏͊̿͐̓̽̔̾̂̐̑̃̒̑͗̆͛̀́̌͆̅̄̄̋͆́͗͒̊̾̽̑̏͆̎̒͆̎̊̓̈́͒͊̈̎̉̄̐͒͛̆͒̊͋͒̄͛͊̈́͆̅̓̈̋̾̈́̑͑͆̅͒̎͂͊̓͐̒̍̽̉̑̈́͗̅̌̓͛̈͂͋͗͂̂̄͑̀̀̾͗͒̇̄̀̅͋̒́̊͒͒̈́̀̀͆̀̑̌̀̾͋̈̃̌̌͌̉̀͑̇̅̎̀͒͌̓͒̑̉͐́̾͊͌͂̇̉͗͛̆̿͑̑̓̈́͌̈́͌̇̊̀̉̀̔̉̈̍́̿̒̾̉̓̽̔͋̒̾̀͗͛́̉͛̾̄̾͑̆̃͋͑͌͆̉͊̿̉͂̾̈́͑̈́̅̈́́̓̈́͗̏̄͐̂̋̾̈́̅͋̆̅͒͌̈͗́́͘͘̕̚̚̕̕̕̕̚̕͘͘̚̕̚͘̕͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͠͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅ… . agender mayhaps? he’s just really androgynous, especially later in his life. during his earlier years (aka his usurper king era), he really wanted to make an effort to present himself as masculine as possible. yknow. since he called himself a king and everything. but later on, he stopped caring about it and started to embrace his more feminine side, and now he’s got the perfect balance of masculinity and femininity. he’s every gender and no gender all at once. he’s like if a man and a woman had a baby. and although he goes by he/him, he will literally not care at all if you use anything else for him.

ghirahim (you may know this as well if you’ve been following me): grey-homoromantic and homosexual. he’s had countless one-night stands with women during the time he served hylia, but he only did it either to brag about it or to feel “normal”. and since homosexuality was viewed negatively at that time, he wasn’t able to do anything sexual with another man, and even he eventually started viewing it as a bad thing until post-hw era (though he was still afraid of doing anything with another man)(yeah thanks hylia for making him gay and not telling him it’s perfectly fine). as for his romantic orientation, he’s never acknowledged that he felt anything more than sexual towards a man up until a certain twili confessed his feelings for him while crying pathetically.

he might also be a demiboy. he sees himself as male, but only like 80-90% male. the other 10-20% is a mystery.

midna: our bisexual queen with a slight preference to women. nothing more to say here.

fi: aroace. she makes a really good wingwoman though.

also, since she’s basically ghirahim’s counterpart, she’s a demigirl. but unlike ghirahim, she is a lot less female-identifying than he is male. she’s maybe 50% female.

tyrek (twili oc): heterosexual [everybody starts booing and throwing very squishy rotten tomatoes at me] WAIT! he’s a trans man bro calm down. put those tomatoes away. thanbks.

kiara (another twili oc): pansexual, but for some reason gets with way more women than men.

I just realized all the characters I listed show up in wnf at some point. when night falls… hah… more like… when gays kiss.??????