Carpin’ All Them Diems

its fast fashion to YOU. im wearing a forever21 sweater i got during the bush administration.

Normal people on Twitter are having an absolutely normal one over muppet babies letting gonzo wear a dress

is she trying to argue that gonzo has a dick while he canonically has a fist in his ass

hey kid. i know this lab is scary, but the punishment isn’t for you. i’ve got a guy coming in who likes ben shapiro. i know, right? anyway, all i need you to do is explain your gender identity to him in detail. don’t worry, he’ll be bound and gagged. you can leave once you’re done i just needed some help.

can I get internship credit for this?

“person working for jigsaw for internship credit” is such a fun premise.

every fucking day i think about bruce springsteen pretending to be gay to avoid the draft and the conscription officers were like. “um. yeah, well. anyway, you had a concussion from a motorcycle accident, which means you failed the physical but. uh. thank you. for that.”

I hate how on Tumblr, a username like lisa486 is almost certainly a pornblot, while someone named solidsnakesasscheeks is almost certainly a real person

I could be a porn bot if I wanted to

I was in the bible but they had to edit me out because I said curses words

Fourth: “honey” but like condescendingly

“bitch” but like endearingly

thanks for making me this hot tea bro. Why did the steam make the shape of a skull and crossbones when you stirred it lol

Welcome to Australia! Where a fast food restaurant literally made a mirrored reflective sea-gull proof packet for their fries so they don’t god damn try to fly down and steal your fries.

This is the best thing I’ve ever seen