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You were my "pillars of creation",

Distant but yet so beautiful.

The ever giving light.

Filled my lungs with every breath.

Gave me hydrogen that made me feel lighter.

All of my belonging was for, and, because of you.

Na razie

I will always be entirely your's

Or completely my own.

There is nothing else

heart must be to

never have turned

cold, to never

blame the pain

and use it to hurt

other souls, how

brave your heart

must be to watch

the fire die and

want to give it

love, time after

I'm sorry for not listening to you in the times you needed it most.

I'm sorry for leaving that night and not returning until morning with your brother in December 2022.

I'm sorry for answering work queries when I should have spent time with you and our daughters.

I'm sorry for not switching off my phone.

I'm sorry for not being the man you needed and drove me to be.

I'm sorry... I never put you first like you deserve

I'm sorry you didn't find peace

But I wish for you to find peace, now.

You deserve that, at least.

You are, and were, fantastic.

I would never open an umbrella

Instead, I would lay down

On the cold concrete and

enjoy every drop that lays on my skin

If you were the rain,

I would lay there

even if it meant I drowned in you.

I wish, more than anything, to drown in you.

I will slip through your fingers, I will

wash away each night when the tide comes in,

I will fall apart just after you've built dreams with me.

I will be sand if you want me to be sand

But for what it's worth,

"For it is a sin"

I only smile at their words

Knowing that they have not knelt at her altar,

Nor the divinity staining her lips .

They have not heard her giggles murmured between every kiss

"So be it then" I say.

but that is why I know you were different.

For all of your worth, I would lapse and fall again.

For all that it's worth, I would have loved you until the end.