in dire need of a seaside retreat

me: idk man it still sounds like an ocular migraine

someone did something they shouldn't have

someone did someone they shouldn't have

separation anxiety

needs attention

have I slept in the last 24 hours?

have I eaten in the last 8 hours?

have I fought a battle in the last 8 hours and do I still look like it? In fact, are all my limbs where they ought to be?

“This humble one anticipates learning from this renowned master at a later date” = bitch next time I see you I’m going to fully kick your ass.

“Pray this master may instruct me?” = I am starting a non-optional fistfight in the middle of this inn, no I don’t care that you’re halfway through a meal.

the elf I just hooked up with, taking the lavender and honeysuckle lollipop from their mouth: An infinite scroll... most elfmaidens learn to enchant a scroll to never end before they're a mere 300 years old. It saves on paper.

me: oh see that's just writing, with social media it's really bad, it just leads to people doomscrolling all day

the elf I just hooked up with, spluttering and panicked: The Doomscroll! Be silent human, thou shoulds't not speak the name of that fell parchment