I love riding the Greyhound as much as it is a pain in the ass. There is this sense of peace I get, as I feel like I am running away from the world traveling somewhere where people can't find me and reach me. Well, I guess I end up being visible to people when I reach my destination, but I do like to fantasize that I will be ending up elsewhere. 

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I had to second check myself so many times past few days. What do I value most in my life? Question that has been roaming in my head... It's a question with such great depth. A question that can be answered in so many different ways...

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I have been trying to find peace in finding back my faith. I have been listening to "New Jerusalem" by IHOPKC on repeat for days. I have lost sight and been running away for a while now, but this song brings me so much restfulness with each note played in the song. Perhaps hypocritical, but it gives me a peace of mind knowing there is something look forward to, the New Jerusalem and there is just something satisfactory about being 'His people'. I like to ignore the fact that I believe and just move on with my life in my own ways, but I guess I can't really help but feel apprehensive. 

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I wonder why I don't like people so much. At the end of the day, I feel like I'm given more reasons to why I shouldn't trust people or share anything. Especially last night - I was so pissed at you. How can you be the bitch that you are? I don't understand how people work and I don't plan on understanding this, but i hate the fact that I hate you so much. Never have I seen a friendship go down the drain like this, ever. Just... fuck you. 

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If you know me and I know you, why don't we greet each other? Why do we just pass by each other like we don't know each other at all? People suck. I suck.

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I will try my best to do what makes me happy, seems like that's what satisfies me for now. At least it makes me feel like I'm doing something productive with my life.

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Thinking like this and writing this is giving me motion sickness.  

Listen to me: PAIN is temporary. It may last for a minute, or an hour, or a day, or even a year; but eventually it will subside, and something else will take...

This speaks so much to me. I don't know where else to write about the feels I get from this audio. I don't want to express this to anyone because I feel that I just become a burden to be taken care of and no, I don't want to hear, but 'no, you're not a burden, everything will be okay.' That's not true. Once I tell someone the way I feel they will sit on it and think about it and the next day think, 'Oh poor Amy' and guess what, my problem still exists and everything is not okay. Telling someone the way I feel will not solve my problem, it only enables them to feel even more sorry for me and that's not what I need. What I need is this. What I need to hear is that this pain can last me weeks, months, or even a year. I don't need to hear, it'll all get better soon. You can get through it. I need to hear that I never learned to grow up - every time something get hard, I quit. I need to hear at the end of the pain is success. 

That last line is what gets me the most. Cus you know what, this shit is HARD. If I was to truthfully express how I feel, I'm dying. I'm literally deteriorating on the inside. I feel indifferent and apathetic towards everything and I know that it's not okay. And no, there is no reason for me to talk about this with anyone (except for Tumblr... though I still find it dumb that I'm being emotional on a fucking blog and this is just way too much feels right now, but whatever) because whether this lasts months or years, there is success at the end.

"Don't quit, this pain is temporary, I dare you to take a little pain, you spoiled little bitch."

...is what I need to hear, so if anyone is actually reading this and you don't understand what the hell I'm talking about, that's how you can respond to my blog.

Just created a new blog, I hope to make it public in time… ha ha. 

I’m shocked at how differently guys think from girls

Ariana Grande sounds like Mariah Carey especially in Honeymoon Avenue

Her album has been on repeat on my Spotify past 24 hours… her songs make me feel emotional

Everything school wise… it’s on cruise control. I’m kind of worried, why aren’t things getting hard yet? (That’s what she said.. agh fml I blame vt funtime)

I remember my new year resolution for this year was “Recovery”… I haven’t really gotten anywhere with that yet.. (keyword: yet)

I really value my friendship sisterhood with Michelle, I still can’t forget the conversation we had the day before yesterday - no one has dared to come to talk to me with that kind of heart. I’m so thankful for my sister, ride or die bitchez.

I need to get those tickets for Jcole - self reminder: tickets next wednesday! OOoo and I heard Jason Mraz is coming also AND some girl from GirlCode too.. coolbeans.

UP813