A Faker’s Facade

Before I begin, let me say that I do not mean to imply that this is a fun disorder or that it's without its downsides. Goodness knows how horrible the shame and guilt can be, along with many many other parts of this disorder. But, for me, Munchausen's, Factitious disorder, however you may like to call it? It has such nice upsides. Faking, inducing, exaggerating symptoms, injuries, issues - it's something that does what it's meant to: It gets me the attention that I want, that I crave, that I need. It makes me feel seen, makes me feel like people actually take me seriously for once in my life, it makes me feel like people genuinely care. I am so excited when enough time has passed that it's plausible that I'm sick again! There's so much joy, not in decieving people, but that my plan's worked and the desired outcome (Attention, being taken seriously) has come to pass. Going from being chronically ignored and neglected to being the centre of attention, just because you 'feel faint'? there's little that rivals that feeling I just talked to myself in my mirror for a good 30 minutes about this, about the small moments of joy that comes with this, but I've forgotten most of it so this is all for now

With that said, have a wonderful rest of your day!