it's weird and that's on my mommy

if it isn't my irish brother. how have you been? i feel as if we've not seen each other in a while or spoken in a while, and we should change that! i need to know everything that's been going on with you since we last talked. i'd tell you what's been going on with me, but my life is pretty boring. @mscalpaul

i feel as if i haven't seen you since we did promo together, and that's a shame andrew, i thought we had a friendship that was meant to last a lifetime? and that means you were supposed to contact me countless times and always seek entertainment from me? it's alright, i suppose. if you tell me you've been really busy, i won't take it as a slight so much, i promise. @andrewgarfied

bestie!! we've not spoken in a little bit, and i'm pretty sad about that fact, so you'll have to make time for me sometime soon so we can get together and chat. i need to hear everything that's been going on in your life lately. and i'll fill you in on my boring life, which will put you to sleep. deal? @nicholasdimitri

i'm waiting for the day where i can write a script that'll be good enough for you to star in the film, mr. hollywood. because i just know you'll be amazing in whatever i write, just need to write the perfect script is all. but until i do, is there anything you're working on right now? @butlersaustins

since we've already done a shot together, when are we going to get together and have real drinks? or maybe even dinner? because there are so many things i want to talk your ear off about, and while i know you're probably busy right now, please make time for your new best friend ayo. you can even invite that husband of yours if you like, which congratulations about that by the way. if you would have heard the scream i scumpt when i saw the instagram post, i'd have probably made you go deaf. also, your look last night for the oscars? hottest man on the red carpet, damn. @storriescon

i will never not hype up the x film series because i love every single one of them so much, and you are truly a scream queen. it's hard to pick a favorite of the series because they're all so good, and they all have their own merits that set them above the others in their own way, but i think if i had to pick a favorite, pearl would be the one that i picked. you were just so amazing in that, but you were amazing in all of them. @gothmis

i always told myself that if i ever got the chance to ask you this question, i was going to ask you this question. so here it goes. what's your dream girl? and the joker in me wants to add, and why is it me? but i'm trying to refrain from adding that. @rrrrrcps

i saw your look last night for the oscars, and can i just say that you looked fantastic? gorgeous doesn't even begin to cover it, and that dress looked like it was made for you. hands down the best-looking woman and best dressed there, if you ask me. did you have a good night there? @dlcvatos

i feel like i'm reaching out to all the people i'm obsessed with ( in a normal way, sir ) and you're my next victim. but i am obsessed with you and want to work with you at some point. even though i'm mostly known for my comedy work, i promise i can be in serious stuff as well so we can make something work without a problem. @oscarihe

Have you ever done any acting? Because we're really thinking about doing a sequel to Bottoms, and I told Kaia I felt we should have more models in it being the actresses, and clearly you and your sister are the biggest models out there. I just think you would be amazing if we end up doing it. @gigihfm

as someone who has watched heated rivalry one too many times and seen just about every single interview you and connor have done. i've decided that working together is a must, i don't care what kind of project it is, we need to work together, and i'm willing to write it. i'm still very mad that i didn't get to meet you the night of the golden globes, even though i am grateful for getting to meet connor. but had we met, i would have pitched the idea of us working together then! @huddyw

after watching you in dune and seeing just how amazing of an actress you are, i looked up some of your other work and watched that as well. needless to say, you and i are going to have to work together someday because that would be very much a dream for me. you're so talented, and after watching your interviews, your dry humor is something i can really appreciate. we'd have so much fun on set together. @rebeccafergusn