happy pride month, sweet girl.

i don’t do promiscuity. lily was the first and only person i ever met on a dating app and it was because my ex cheated on me and i didn’t feel like i could get over it until she wasn’t the most recent thing.

i just adore you. that’s it. i think you’re cute and i find you charming when you’re not trying to be. in fact, you are most charming when you are least gracious—which places your most gracious moments somewhere i can’t yet articulate.

yes, i want you in the most undignified, feral, animalistic sense of the word. but it is Because i adore you. it’s not a conquest or a product to consume. yes, it is indulgent. but i’m not indulging myself. i’m indulging in you. it’s Expressive.

i know it’s easy to feel like i’ve portrayed that in ways that cheapen it, and you’re entitled to your skepticism. but feelings aren’t facts and suspicions aren’t convictions.

the facebook ex was one year younger. lily was three years younger. maria was three years older. my ex’s ex (oops lol) was also one year younger.

i’ve never had a thing for a specific archetype and tbh i hadn’t really known it was a type until it was brought into question. i resented the concept of a “type” when i was still in The Closet: Part Two. because men constantly told me i “wasn’t really their type” or “not their usual type” and what the fuck does that even mean, dawg 😐 be fr. the only woman who’s said anything similar was when lily said she likes women who look like her 💀🚩

you were never typecast. you became front and center for a type i hadn’t particularly considered and wasn’t explicitly aware existed. i see it now, and like, yeah. i get it. that’s hot.

but i’ve only ever known it with your face. because i wanted You first.