PALE BLACK EYE

‘   w h a t ‘ s   y o u r   s i g n a t u r e   p i z z a z z   ?   ’      bear mimicked, attacking tristan’s arm with an avalanche of   flicks   .   ❛   it’s not about the glitter, it about what you can make the glitter do.   ❜   sage wisdom, brought to you by the kid who   most likely   has at least a little gum stuck to one or two body party.

the thought of his    ( semi )   well thought out art project becoming a mutual arrangement had never crossed bear’s mind, and while he didn’t   hate   the idea, he worried that maybe tristan felt pressured into it, or simply had gotten caught up in the excitement of the idea as opposed to the reality of what he’d be left with.

❛   i’ll draw you whatever you want,   ❜   bear agreed,   ❛   but you know it’s not, like            i’m not trying to say you have to do it too or anything. and this isn’t like a dinner party where i compliment your dress but then if you don’t compliment mine, even if it’s   super   ugly, everybody goes into the bathroom and talks about how big of a   BITCH   you are. it isn’t that. we both just, like…we   both   have good dresses, and i know my dress is good, so you don’t have to say anything            i just wanted to say your dress is nice, not start a compliment circle-jerk.   ❜ 

“whatever that means,” he chuckle, moving his arm away from the onslaught of flicks. couldn’t help but wonder why bear always seemed to be hitting him in some capacity, figured it came from revolving door of siblings he lived with —- after all, nothing quite sufficiently expressed irritated like a solid punch to the arm.

bear had to admit, being adored by the masses didn’t sound like   the absolute worst   thing. but when that adoration wore off, and he knew it would, what would be left ? even when the question was both hypothetical   AND   set in a fictional universe, bear didn’t want to think about the answer. even the implication left him feeling empty in that way that never quite left, but was easy enough to forget if you knew how. ❛   alright, so, you play   good-guy   and take care of his wife, but do me a solid and make them let me stay in the house.   OR ! even better, give   me   the house and i’ll keep them on as staff. i’ll be a super nice boss. promise.   ❜

it wasn’t   jealously   , but instead a kind of   burning   curiosity   spurred on by mrs.hawkeye that lead bear to ask the question which had stuck in his mind.      ❛   who do you think is the   prettiest   girl you’ve ever seen ?   like, in real life.   ❜      even if he didn’t know her by name, which he probably wouldn’t, it still felt like something worth knowing. for science, or something like that.

“is it playin’ the good guy if i’m really doin’ what i think is the right thing?” he asked curiously. “like, despite me killin’ her husband or whatever,” a sentence he never would’ve imagined would come out of his mouth, “if i genuinely think, regardless of me findin’ her hot, that the right thing to do is help ‘cause i’m secretly the cause of her family’s strife, does that count as ‘playin’ the good guy’?” not that he was bothered by the implication that he was a bad person in this scenario —- he’d committed a hypothetical murder, that was a fair conclusion to draw, but he was curious about what made the distinction between being good and acting good.

feel free to change around to suit your needs.

i confide in wolves at night.

i’ve got to crucify myself if i am gonna lay with you.

i’ve got to promise that i’ll finish all the things i said i’d do to begin with too.

i’ve got make my bed if i am gonna lay with you.

a disaster’s a disaster no matter what christian language you drag it through.

i swear i did what i could for your rights.

i’ll try nothing, try something —- try anything.

sweet jesus, i swear that i love you.

i’m biased and by this i’ll judge you on weakness.

my god, you look so much different.

just wait, don’t go.

we’re gonna see if this bad boy can fly.

now that you’re home won’t you rescue me?

i’ve been trying so hard to be good again.

well, i can be lonely if she’s happy, after all.

i heard that i was close to dying.

can you figure out a cure for me that can finally set me free?

i’ll find a way out of here.

do you believe me?

just watch me.

are stars still dying for nothing?

it isn’t fair but it’s reality.

i need a miracle in my veins, after all.

i can feel your pain in my bones.

i was scared to call your mother.

my god, just what the hell am i supposed to do?

i ran off and ran on to something that i swore was everything but beautiful.

i only say that word for you.

i can feel your pain deep in my bones.

they call holidays an option for a reason.

i pray to god you won’t come back here anymore.

i can hardly see what’s in front of me these days, and those days, too.

i’ve got to take what i’m making and turn it into something.

i’ve got to break what i’m making and turn it into nothing.

god, where have you been?

come on, it’s the end of the world.

someone’s got the answers but i’d rather think there’s nothing to be found.

if you knew i was dying would it change you?

yeah, everybody has their reasons, that’s the reason we’re all gonna die.

if seeing is believing then believe that we have lost our eyes.

when i fly solo i fly so high.

we all deserve something.

i still see you inside of this god-awful house.

what’s really worth living anymore?

well, i promise this time, really.

i’m cleaning up sincerely.

i’ll make sure that the devil never bothers you again.

you better watch your tone.

you’re not invincible you know.

the truth is you’re probably not as bad as i make you out to be.

yeah, i’m always wrong.

no, i’m the one that is sorry.

you were wrong —- yeah, you’re always wrong.

truth is that no one truly knows what the hell it is you’re doing.

don’t let them see you cry.

i believe we fly when the moon takes shape and i doze off on your shoulder.

i trust that you see it too.

breathe while you’re alive.

the words just come and i write them soon as i see ‘em.

i trust that you love me too.

unlock the door, let’s talk it out.

could this be it, is it really over now?

you said you saw it coming but you didn’t see nothing.

don’t worry about anything.

feel free to change around to suit your needs.

i am the only one that thinks i’m going crazy and i don’t know what to do.

if it was you i don’t think that it would matter.

if it was true then i just wouldn’t matter.

i am the only son of a bastard i know that knows the bastard too.

if i was you i’d make this a simpler story.

i finally knew that i simply couldn’t matter.

you finally knew that you simply couldn’t matter.

shake it out.

god, i need another and another —- and another. i can feel it now.

i felt the lord in my father’s house.

are you the living ghost of what i need?

are you gonna get the best of me?

are you tired of being alone?

god, i’ve never seen a thing so complete.

i am the living ghost of what you need.

i am everything eternally.

god, just speak.

i need it now more than i ever have.

i swear —- i swear i’ll go.

don’t stop, don’t ever go.

i swear you’ll never know,

i tried to be the one you needed when i told you that you wanted something bigger than me.

i’ve got friends in all the right places.

i need another reason why, i need another reason —- tell me to breathe.

i tried to do it all for you, it didn’t do anything for me.

i know what they want and i know they don’t want me to stay.

after all, it’s you, my pride, and me.

i can’t speak, whatever… i can speak.

now i found the way to meet the means.

after all, it’s me, and the king, and the beast.

how can i explain my wounded feet?

i think i’m dying —- i think i’m dying for another one.

i think i’ll dig it up and bury it.

i think i’m dying.

goddamn, did you mean to do that to me?

i don’t know what you want anymore.

i’m doing what i gotta to stay awake.

what happens when i don’t know what happens?

it’s not even that i’m all angry —- just want to know why you would do this thing…

i just wanted you to feel at home.

i am fine, i am fine —- i just need 100 dollars.

you were holding on to make a point, what’s the point?

manna is a hell of a drug.

i need a little more i think, ‘cause enough is never quite enough. what’s enough?

i took it like a grown man crying on the pavement.

i haven’t heard a thing you said in at least a couple hundred days.

what’d you say?

i could feel my heartbeat taking me down, and for the moment i would sleep already.

it looked like a painting i once knew, back when my thoughts were not entirely intact.

i prayed for what i thought were angels, ended up being ambulances.

i don’t give a good shit if you’re lonesome.

i think that you should go home.

it’s funny how many don’t know how many of us don’t have homes.

i was alone, so i set a fire.

what is the price to be a bargain beggar? so lonely, but always free.

what did you mean when you said it’s destructive?

i know you think you know, but you probably don’t know.

i’m not complaining, yeah, i was just saying, i’m a man. i’m a lost one, you see.

i don’t know much, but a crutch is a crutch if it’s holding you from moving on.

i don’t know what to do, not anymore.

i think i know you the best when i sleep.

i think i know everything.

i think i talk to you best when i sing.

i sing about almost everything.

i’m going to leave you the first change i get.

well, i was wrong again.

god knows you’re on my mind. you can’t try to tell him otherwise.

fear keeps you hiding at night.

chances are slim that we are right, but i’d never think it any otherwise.

we’ll find the answers in time when the bodies pile up sky high.

i’ll sail this ship towards the sky, but i’ll end all alone on the other side.

if you could pull that rope just a little higher we would dangle alone like a firefly.

i’ve heard the voice of god, and he whispered, ‘fear is logical.’ and he said it’s, ‘magic, wonderful.’

we’re bothers that makes it right.

the words that we heard aren’t repeatable.

we’re brothers and that’s alright.

we’re brothers until we die.

go if you want to go, it’s better that i know than in a month from now.

i failed you, you failed me, too.

i need you, you swear you need me, too?

i see you, you see me too.

feel free to change stuff around to suit your needs.

you’re probably too busy with your work —- or am i just excusing you for leaving me alone?

i don’t know what to do with me no more.

i acted like an asshole so i could keep my edge on you.

it’s not like i was lost for a purpose.

be good if you think it can save you.

be good if you’re comfortably numb.

i’m too stubborn and scared to be home.

it took me all this time to get where i said i would never be.

i hope eventually you’ll see what you’ve been turning me into.

it’s all for you,

i am the greatest man that never lived, and now i never sleep.

i never lost a fight, but never knew i started one the same.

i never knew how capable i would become.

i’m tired of talking to a wall when i could talk to someone else.

i don’t know where i’ve been, what i’ve done.

i am the once now irreplaceable son.

the leaves are dead, but i am here, and waiting on another good years.

i tried once, i tried twice, and i’m done.

i’ve come around this time to set fire to your home.

i don’t need you like i used to.

i don’t hurt you like i used to.

you must be tired, ‘cause when you sleep you sleep alone.

goddamn, i’m tired of lying —- i wish i loved you like i used to.

i know, we’ve got a long way to go.

i swore i’d take the straight and narrow path but still won’t.

we built this house with our hands, and our time, and our blood.

what if i was wrong and no one cared to mention it?

to mitigate the guilt we could align a perfectly constructed alibi to hush the violent guilt that eats and never dies.

what if we’ve been trying to get to where we’ve always been?

leave me alone.

take me or don’t.

if it’s not with you, i’ve got no place to go.

my apprehension got the best of me.

my apprehension got me nowhere.

the invention of the ship was the invention of the shipwreck.

you don’t determine greatness by a man’s intelligence.

you won’t determine greatness until you really start to dig and you find out all those empty things that he lets discourage him.

i am not the man you knew.

i am not the man you choose.

you always talk so loud, and you never notice.

i don’t want to believe, but i want to believe you.

i don’t mean what i say, but i say what i need to.

i know your faults, i know the way you write them off.

nothing that i say is really helping anyway.

oh, my heart is so black.

i never read the actual words, just kind of faked it i guess.

man, we all make mistakes, i swear to god it wasn’t just you.

there’s a ghost, and it knows what i know.

well, you might just miss the mark if you’re keeping everyone away.

you’ve been drinking all night.

there’s never been a place to hide, you have to face it.

nobody thinks you’re actually right.

it feels like a battle, it’s more like a fight.

you always bark, you never bite. i don’t believe it.

i used to feel some guilt, now i just feel empty.

i wanted to talk, and you —- you wanted to sleep.

it’s okay to lose a limb when they get too heavy.

i used to feel some thrill, not i just feel thrifty.

i tried to clear my pain, i just made it empty.

how long can you deny denial?

i’m never going to see it again.

are we ever gonna see him again?

it’s like everything i have ever imagined is coming true today.