A comedy of errors

OP: "Decarbonized formaldehyde is great. Just wash daikons with decarbonized formaldehyde and they turn white."

"Decarbonized formaldehyde" (脫碳甲醛) is an online phrase used to make fun of people that blindly avoid chemicals. Formaldehyde (H2CO) decarbonized is water (H2O).

“Once you go on T, once you start ACTUALLY living as man you won’t care about this stuff.”

Pre T, early T, and non HRT trans men and mascs are still trans and part of the community. The fact that they experience misogyny to a greater degree doesn’t make it unimportant because that might not be the case later.

Even if we made it super easy for people to come out and get on puberty blockers and HRT as children, TRANSITIONING will always exist. Not everyone’s goal is stealth. There will always be non-passing, out and proud trans men, and trans men in “early transition”. There will still be trans men who transition in their 40s, 50s and older who lived their entire lives as women. These are still transmasc experiences, male experiences.

This is all while ignoring the fact that yes, even stealth and passing trans men are still trans. Still experience transphobia, misogyny, and transandrophobia. I know I do. You’re not a “better man” because you don’t (or pretend you don’t).

I’m a trans guy 7 going on 8 years on testosterone. I pass. I’m read as a man in most situations. And I really reject this idea that caring about transandrophobia means I’m “immature” or “attached to being afab.” I’m just being honest about the specific ways power, misogyny, and transphobia intersect in our lives because I’m not insecure about it. I care because I’ve seen how these dynamics persist before, during, and after medical transition.

“Once you ACTUALLY start living as a man”

Is a way to, all at once, say;

“Trans men aren’t men until they start testosterone. And once you start testosterone as a trans man, to be a real trans man, you have to try to be stealth.”

as a nonbinary person, i feel safer around transgender men than cisgender women who way too often

have a very surface level understanding of gendered marginalisation thinking it's only tied to womanhood

end up treating nonbinary people in those spaces as either women or invaders

have shown time and time again that the name is merely a lip service and these spaces are almost always "cisgender women and afab nonbinary people i think are women"

it immediately tells nonbinary people that:

you don't really understand "nonbinary" means as you aren't aware that nonbinary people can be men, and in fact many nonbinary women are also men

you think that nonbinary people are inherently closer to women than to men, and more specifically, you think that the lived experiences and perspectives and feelings of nonbinary people as a group are close enough the experiences/perspectives/feelings of cis women

that space will probably be anywhere from uncomfortable to actively hostile and unsafe to any nonbinary person who either insists on their manhood or is perceived by others as too close to being a man

sometimes, i'd rather people just be openly exorsexist rather than doing this infuriating bullshit where they want to seem nonbinary-inclusive, but clearly think the extent of nonbinary allyship is just using they/them pronouns for someone.

to be real dramatic about it, its actively unsafe for nonbinary people to not have any spaces of our own that are actually dedicated to nonbinary experience, especially with exorsexism. its unhealthy for us to constantly be shoved off into spaces dominated by cis and/or binary women, to have to be subjected to exorsexism by the people who almost always make up the majority of the space, to be constantly reminded that your "inclusion" is second-class. it was not healthy for me as a young multigender person to be in such spaces specifically because this "women and nonbinary people, but no men!" attitude led me to repress my own manhood deeply, for years. because i was seeing so many people talk about how if you are even 1% man, you can't be a lesbian or be in really any woman-oriented spaces and if you want to be, its you being a privileged male predator. which is not only exorsexism, its also something which alienates me as a woman from other women, as cisfeminists never relate to me as a fellow woman when they see me as a nonbinary person who is also sometimes a man.

Every time I come on here, I'll see another 'transfeminist' with hundreds or thousands of notes, talking about a phenomenon that is supposedly unique to 'tma' people, and then I'll squint at it and its literally something transmascs have also been talking about on this site for over a year*.

The entire concept of malgendering (only being gendered one way when it can be used against you)

Invisibility messing with statistics

Being in cis men's spaces often being more dangerous than cis women's spaces as a visibly trans person

Permanent health issues because of gendered expectations growing up even if thats not the gender you identify with