Bout Mine.

I feel so distant. I feel distracted. I've never felt so defeated.

People don’t live the life we live. They don’t walk in the steps we take. I don’t wanna hear that shit you have to say about anything in my life.

here i am thinking i couldn’t do this thing called life without you. but I’m here, doing it. 5 years passed and my heart weighs as heavy as ever. the sadness i feel overwhelms me in the most randomness parts of my day. it’s the darnest thing. to feel such emptiness. to be filled with so much… grief. i miss you, every day. there’s not a day goes by where I’m not thinking of you. just the thought of you brings tears to my eyes. it gets glossy, impossible to see through them sometimes. but I’m holding it down here for the both of us. just thinking to myself — until we see each other again. I’d give anything for one more hug, one more lecture, one more chance to see you.

emptiness. a sudden wave of… nothing.

what’s the point of having a platform if you’re not going to initiate real change. you hear, you listen, “you empathize”, yet at the end of the day they still go back to less while you go back to more. do better. 

we live in this life where we’re surrounded by other people’s sadness. as an empath, I feel every bit of your pain as you tell me your story. with my newest position, I feel as though I owe it to the community to give back as much as I possibly can, but I also need to give back to myself as well. take life with a little grain of salt and start practicing what I'm preaching to others. it’s going to be hard, because I've always come last and my loved ones come first. its time for a change. 

your 5 year anniversary is coming up and I don’t know how I feel about it. 

I hope heaven is all they say it is. I miss you. 

I’ve been emotional.