i grew up in my own very profoundly lonely little world and in mia world i was always the star and i was the most famous person in my world because my world was just me. so i guess as time passes and i become more known in the outside world the more i just dont care about it. like i feel completely neutral about it. i dont crave more because im already famous to my audience of myself in my inner world and always have been

but i wont reject the gradual crumbs of fame as they accumulate because of the life experiences that come with it. i enjoy that. i like traveling i like hotels i like meeting people i like fancy things i like having positive social leverage. but i dont care enough to chase it or ask for it and honestly i think thats why it comes to me unprompted

so in conclusion the main takeaway i want anyone reading this to gain from this thought dump is that if you do want anything in this life, if you have any kind of goal, you can't be desperate for it. don't beg a person, don't beg the world, don't beg the universe.