a list of the things that disgusted me about my body: My cellulite, my stretch marks, my back acne, scars, my eczema, the mole on my back and my small breasts in comparison to my bottom half. I use to pick away at myself in the mirror, wondering why I was the one that had to develop these traits and how can I fix the ugly I found in me. Forcing myself in positions, daily rituals and unhealthy hope in fixing these flaws that I ended up loving in the end. I fell in love with the stretch marks running from my stomach to curl around my hip and meeting my backside, like lil running rivers but instead of water, it’s the lava from erupted volcanoes. The relief of letting go and loving myself was just that; explosive. In love with my cellulite that I tried every workout in the book to rid myself off, it never mattered I always have had it and I always will have little craters to my legs; im like the moon, far out of reach for you to judge — dented, cratered but structured rock hard and almost impenetrable. Almost. In love with my back acne, I shouldn’t pick. I definitely should not dig my nails into my skin and make me bleed out. But I love to rip away at scabs or erupting my blemishes. It’s a guilty, gross pleasure that I like picking at my skin. I am battling my unhealthy habits and keeping my hands away from myself? MY hands, MY body, MYSELF. In truth, my mind isn’t fond of the fact that I won’t do as I please to my body, bad habits are like this mental barrier that takes an army of a bunch of little soldiers: “self love” soldiers, “strength” soldiers to infiltrate passed this barricade of bad habit and to my rescue, to fill my frame of mind with their purpose. But I’m left with acne markings, I like to think im spotted like a cheetah. In love with my scars. A clumsy girl with healed up wounds, but who gave me a body? God! My soul is free spirited but has no intent of letting my physical body be as free, it’s like my soul is jumping but my body trys and stay still, going against the resistance of her sporadic energy. This soul is consistently causing my body to fall, bump and bruise. But adventure is what my soul yearns to be if i bruise, there’s a fun memory