andi

I think of that part from TTC when he meets Annabeth’s stepmom and expects her to like turn into a raving lunatic at the mention of her name and is surprised when she doesn’t. And it’s easy, I feel, to read this in retrospect as Percy just not understanding the nuances of bad parental relationships. But I think this is what it actually is: Percy’s experience with a bad stepparent is Gabe. And that’s how Gabe always reacted at the mention of Percy’s name. And Gabe would have left him to rot without any question or remorse. So of course that’s what he expects from the stepparent Annabeth has been complaining about as long as he’s known her, and she deemed bad enough to run away from.

And yes, compared to Luke and Thalia and Annabeth, Percy is somewhat better off solely because of Sally. Except he, too, was deadly serious when he said he’d rather live on the streets than live with Gabe, and if not for camp that would have been his only option at this point in his life—the same as it was for them. Percy truly CAN relate to the feeling of camp being his only safe haven because this is also true for him. Percy probing Thalia about her history with her mom is not a kid who comes from a stable home trying to relate to her and failing: it’s a kid who grew up sharing living space with an alcoholic, and is able to tell at the age of 12 years old “when an adult has been hitting the happy juice.” And this is of course not even to talk about his constant awareness of money and his mother working odd jobs just to put food on the table—experiences that Thalia, Luke, and Annabeth don’t have. So I think it is just so unfair to view him in retrospect as the kid who is so privileged that he can’t understand trauma rather than what he actually is: a kid who was only ever one bad day away from being in just as bad of circumstances as any one of the other demigods, and who at points in his life, actually was in their circumstances. When Percy meets May Castellan he is not just reflecting on how bad Luke’s life sucked, he has experience and trauma of his own, and he feels a heavy sense of “how easily this could have been me.”

Percy being not outside of the problem, but inside it, is fundamental to the series. He’s not just championing Luke’s cause: it’s also his own! Because who is more exploited by the Olympians than Percy Jackson? This is a kid who has almost been put down like a dog by them ! They took a vote on it in front of him!

Leo and Frank and Hazel’s moms are actually dead and they stayed dead. But Percy watched the Minotaur squeeze his mom to death right in front of his eyes and had to process her death and blamed himself for his failure! Of course he is going to relate to them on a fundamental level, and again, he was so very close from having been in exactly Leo’s situation.

meanwhile andrew learns acting in juvie thanks to pig higgins and because its juvie they dont teach stunts / stage combat but andrews really good at acting and higgins works to get andrew into a drama program, he goes back into the foster system when he leaves juvie but keeps up the acting thing mostly just high school stuff, when he ages out of the system and graduates high school higgins pushes andrew to continue acting and he ends up doing community theatre shows where he ends up meeting neil who keeps pushing him to continue acting with him

fast forward and theyre like 25 ish or smth and andrew is an up and coming actor whos just been cast in the leading role of like an a24 film or smth, theyre trying to keep andrews identity underwraps before the film is finished so they just send out a casting call for a short blonde stunt double and of course aaron answers the call

he gets on set for a screen test and queue the 'sir youre needed with angela in make up, lucas wants you to run some lines for a moment, neils just arrived in your trailor, rachel wants your opinion on the camera angle for the next scene' etc etc and whilst aarons being tossed this way and that andrews finally turned up on set late, he makes his way to whatever area hes needed and through a sea of people he spots him. not a him that is dangerous, a him that haunts his nightmares; not a him that he is dare he say it looking forward to seeing, anticipating though hed never say the words out loud. no thats... him. andrew is seeing himself standing next to stanley from the writers room

theres an expression on his face that he doesnt recognise. confusion maybe? but that cant be right because andrew hasnt been confused in decades, or at least hasnt shown it so blindingly obviously on his face since he was young and didnt know any better

and suddenly his face is looking up, his eyes are meeting his own and it all comes rushing to him. a life separated, on either ends of a system that purposefully tore them apart, a system that never cared for its children but tossed them around for whoever passed an arbitrary test first. his face shows a devestation that he had never wanted to see again, a world that shouldnt have been able to be turned upsidedown ever again

and aaron is looking at a mirror image. but one thats distorted, one that he can see in his worst moments, the haunted look in his eyes that says that one more bad day and he wont be able to come back to himself the same. it should be impossible. like a scene out of one of the soap operas hed worked on, where hed been on set for a day before hed had to throw himself out a window and hope that he calculated the angle just right so he didnt snap his neck

aarons shuffling through all the possible answers whilst he takes a step forward. maybe... he never knew his father, genes were an extraordinary thing, maybe-- but up close, this man has the exact same mole under his eye, the same angle on his eyebrows, hell even some of their old acne scars are the same

it doesnt make sense, none of it is making sense.

needless to say filming does not continue for that day. filming does not continue for a week in fact

aaron is introduced to andrews boyfriend waiting in his trailor. andrew is told in turn about aarons girlfriend katelyn. a stitled conversation is shared, a brief overview of all the years they seemed to have spent apart without ever knowing

aaron learns of andrews time in the system and he starts to think of tilda. she would have told him, right? she would have said something if he was adopted, wouldnt she? he thinks of her heavy hands, the times hed burnt his hand on the stove because she was high in the other room, unnoticing of her son trying to cook his own dinner when he wasnt tall enough to completely reach the pan

they make their way back to his childhood home. aaron hasnt seen his mother in years, they share the occasional pleasantry over the phone but she doesnt seem to feel the need to see him and hes past the stage of trying again, happy with the life hes made outside of her home

when they step through the threshhold her face pales as if shes seen a ghost

as they demand the truth from her, andrew is careful to watch how aaron flinches when he comes within her reach, how his whole body tenses when her voice raises, how anger seems to be simmering beneath his bones but he keeps as much of it as possible under lock and key

andrew has no such qualms.

they leave the house and aaron notices that andrew refuses to look back.

the stunt team calls aaron with an offer, ecstatic that they wont have to cgi andrews face onto him, that they are essentially working with a lead actor who can do all his own stunts, but as two separate people. aaron gets to set the next day and andrew is there immediately.

"the position has been filled." he says. aaron knows its not the truth, but he remembers the first time kate came to set and how she clung to him that night after watching him fall down a 30 storey building. he thinks, just this once. theyve only just learnt what they are to eachother, just this once he will relent and politely declines the job offer

except its not just that one time. andrew tries his best to bring him into the fold, of course. they live in the same city, opposite ends but theyve managed to be just within arms reach for all this time. andrew doesnt ask aaron round for a family dinner every sunday, but he does extend an invite for a weekly pub quiz, he turns up at aarons door and gives him a box of takeaway hes never tried, they sit silently but companionably and watch f1 on the massive flatscreen in andrews apartment

but aarons noticed hes having a hard time finding jobs. andrews film has just come out, and he seems only to be gaining more and more connections, but all of aarons appear to be shrivling up. hes still making a living, but for a young and talented stunt double whos yet to earn an injury on set its bizarre for him to not be approached more often

then, one day, a few months off from the first birthday the twins will ever share together, he gets a call. "a car crash", they say, "faulty breaks" and aaron curses his mom because she never took her car to the shop and then suddenly hes crying and then katelyn is holding the phone and shes thanking the officer for telling them and aaron has a jolt when he realises hes not the only son she has, not the only person that needs to be notified

"moms dead." aaron tells him, and andrews only response is "ive never had a mother"

its cruel, harsh, and they dont speak for the next few days. aaron has to go tend to the funeral arrangements and he sends an invite in the mail to andrew, but its returned to sender

they both need space, so aaron doesnt push it

he goes to the funeral, he sees his uncle, sees his moms boss, sees their neighbour from the house on their left, but not the neighbour from the house on the right. its a quiet funeral, he hopes his own wont be the same

but he goes back home, he returns to his life, he goes back to pub quiz and tolerates josten when he gets annoying because he knows that he comes with andrew

the jobs are still scarce, but he manages to find a spot on some detective show still in its first season. he plays the murder victim, obviously. the techs walk him through the idea behind the scene, what theyre going for today

and maybe his mothers death is too fresh on his mind, but the car crash hits too close to home. he tries his best to brush it from his mind and does his job

when the episode comes out, a cast member texts him. he doesnt always watch his own work, but this show seemed interesting enough anyway. the episode comes out and he follows along the plot. some business dispute where a rival cut the breaks on the car

aaron doesnt know whats going on in his mind, he doesnt know why hes thinking this, but... he ends up at andrews house anyway.

their fight is loud. or, at least, aaron is loud. andrew takes the words as they come, but doesnt dispute any of the accusations. aaron feels sick, he cant believe his... this person has taken his mother from him.

safe to say pub quiz is indefinately cancelled.

aaron wont go to the police, theres no proof and neils super secret mafia connections would probably kill him before andrew was ever separated from him. he and katelyn move states when she gets a good job offer, the people here are more willing to hire him, theyre almost shocked at how sparse his resume is

and then one day its been four years since hes seen the twin brother he knew for less than one. or, maybe not seen, because he still sees his picture everywhere. that film theyd met on the set of had been a springboard for what was turning out to be an incredibly sucessful acting career

with the success theyd dug up andrews past, tried to contact aaron, though both he and andrew had shut that one down. thankfully they dont look too close, no one makes the connections to discover andrews revenge. its all aaron can hope for at this stage

hes on set for another film. its a crew of people hes been working with for years, friends even. they invite him to hang around set to watch the rest of the film being made. aaron is even happy to oblige them

its some cheesy sci-fi that he probably wouldnt have watched if given the choice. a sequel, maybe, because they keep talking about juno killing carsons father. the big villain of the last film, aaron deduces. and over the course of filming he manages to piece together the plot. juno is the sister of carson, who had been taken from his family as a child and raised by an evil overlord because a prophecy said that carson would grow up to kill him. he hadnt been a nice father, of course he hadnt he was leading an evil empire. but the prophecy had been wrong, it was juno who had killed him. the film drags on, as most sequels do, until carson realises that juno hadn't killed his father for her own reasons, but because she'd noticed the bruises dotting carsons skin

and its so silly, for aaron to watch it and think of his own brother. its just a film, it has nothing to do with him. but his phone is still in hand, contact details on the screen that hed never been able to delete

aaron doesnt call. he talks to katelyn. the months stretch on.

aaron doesnt call, at least not immediately

but as november nears, it gets harder and harder to stop himself

so, he doesnt.

andrew picks up the phone, by some miracle. theres sounds in the background, and aaron can almost imagine the little party hat sitting on andrews head, the deadpan expression that rests underneath it. andrew doesnt say anything, but he picked up

"happy birthday." aaron tells him, voice a bit too raw for what should be a joyous occasion.

"you too." andrew replies. they are quiet on the line. quiet for several minutes, before aaron hears a voice calling out to andrew and then the line goes dead

paranoia

control freakism

sense of self-worth so low that it loops back around into being totally dismissive of everyone else

a warm-hearted kind center beneath 200 protective walls of bitterness that doesn't actually make the bitterness better in any way at all even a little bit

bisexuality

crushing feelings of responsibility

zero understanding of own bodily autonomy that bleeds out and affects how they treat others

a lil petty vindictive sadism they maybe don't wanna look at too hard or acknowledge

full self-awareness of all their most negative traits without working to fix those traits at all

internalized misogyny

a mysterious undefinable hunger that cannot / should not / must not ever be sated