— ❝ 602 gossip.

Finn x Dakota: Toss their woefully ironic attitude problems into a giant cocktail shaker with a few mint leaves to balance out the citrus bitterness of their combined personalities and Dakota might discover a potion worth licking off somebody other than Teddy’s neck. Embrace those Project X vibes and take a chance, take a chance, chance. 

Lana x Teddy: Throw diamonds at her like a monocle wearing business man who just stumbled into the Moulin Rouge. Stay around until Lana gyrates in a sequin bustier on a velvet swing because she only functions when she’s the centre of attention. Throw her a spotlight and she’d probably deep throat it for a party trick. What’s not to love for a boy who’s always falling in love?

Caleb x Eve: Chuck Frankie into a garbage can and clamp the lid because it’s where she belongs, Caleb. I feel like I’m Shrek bossing you around your own swamp but it needs a spring clean and I’ve already found you a French maid in this doe eyed darling. Consider it a biblical roleplaying session. I hereby christen you with your new identity, Adam. Care for an apple?

Jasper x Frankie: She’s snagged on his hook, he’s snagged on hers. They’re two spring salmons thrashing around in a drying out stream. I might collapse like an Italian soap opera star because I have too many questions: most predominantly, what is loyalty if lust is constantly overpowering it? Quit dillydallying like you’re worried Frankie has a fatal nut allergy and #getit.