goddess of victory, be upon me - shoko x reader
summary: basically you're just constantly stressing poor sho out ; reader is kinda an ass question mark ; depictions of injury (its not too bad imo but just in case) ; smoking (obv, its shoko) ; gn reader
When you were in high school, you had thought yourself to be invincible. Perhaps not literally, of course- Satoru was the only one who could feasibly achieve such a feat -but in all the ways that mattered. You were young and foolish back then, believing the world to be in the palm of your hand like a pearl. Shoko would joke that your ego might surpass even that of the Strongest. You acted as though the earth was something you could turn in your hands over and over. Not even Suguruâs near-defecation was enough to fully shatter that image in your head.
âI canât live like this, anymore,â Suguru had once told you- all of you gathered in Satoruâs room, Mimiko and Nanako asleep in his lap like his own. âI canât. Iâm quitting jujutsu. Iâll stay as a teacher, I think, but Iâm not going on missions anymore.âÂ
âThatâs fine,â you said. âWhatever you need, Suguru.â You would say anything so long as it kept him here. And you looked at Shoko, and thought that she looked relieved. One less person who would become a body at her table. The circumstances were horrible, but you thought she was grateful for Suguruâs decision.Â
It is the blood on your hands that broke your worldview completely. It isnât your blood, of course, but blood nonetheless, as your shaking hands hovered above the lifeless body of your mission partner. They were so young. You remember attending the ceremony, you remember teaching them in their second year, you remember telling them what promise they had. You could be great, youâd said. You could make this place great.Â
There is a distinct coppery smell in the air, mixed with the rain and the overgrowth surrounding you. Everything was sticky. Disgusting. Your own pain comes in waves, like a crushing weight pressed against your chest and your stomach, as you scramble for a plan. The curse is still active, though significantly weakened. Youâre not faring much better- you flicker in and out of consciousness every few seconds. Your uniform is torn, blood gushing from your side and you desperately try to apply some pressure to the wound, even if it gets your hand red and sticky.Â
It prowls around the ruined house, your haunting ghost, and you remember Shokoâs voice chastising you as sheâd done a thousand times before, to stop getting in and over your head. The curse crushes ivy beneath its feet, and its scent wafts up to you, sneaking in through the metallic scent that still invades your senses. You cradle the body close to you, hiding between bushes and trees, purple clematis blooming near your feet. The mission site- a haunted mansion, with what was supposedly a grade one curse lurking inside -is half destroyed.Â
Blank eyes stare up at you. The graduation ceremony was in late march- not four months ago. You donât want to let them go. Like the curse, you donât want to be alone. You accept your fate as ending up on Shokoâs table, and you picture her face hovering over yours, mask covering her mouth, eyes crinkling, before you close your eyes for good.Â
âIâm glad he quit,â Shoko admitted to you.Â
There you were. The confession youâd been waiting for. You knew the moment the words left Suguruâs lips. You were in Shokoâs room now, because Suguru and Satoru wanted to be alone so they could talk about what to do with the girls, and what to do with Tojiâs own children that heâd left behind- children that Satoru had basically been procrastinating on getting, but whatever.Â
The fan was on and swinging. The summer heat was almost too much to bear on your own.Â
âWell, I mean, itâs one less body, right?â you shrugged your shoulders. You reached to get the green coloured nail polish you so desired. A myriad of colour options sat arranged on the floorboards before you. This shade was pretty, you thought as you read the label. Ivy.Â
âIt doesnât guarantee anything,â Shoko said. âBut yeah. A lot less likely.â
âDo you really think the higher ups will let Suguru stop going on missions?â
Shoko shook her head. âNo way. Are you kidding?â she laughed dryly. âSuguruâs too valuable. They might lower the amount, sure, but thereâs no way heâll fully be able to stop unless he leaves jujutsu society as a whole.â
You hummed as you began to paint a coat over your nails. âI heard Nanami was gonna do that.â
Shoko picked up a colour resting near her feet- a pretty lavender colour. She lifted one knee up to her chest and began to shake the bottle before opening it. âReally? Maybe you should do that, too.âÂ
You looked up at her, then. You almost thought you misheard her. âWhat?â
âGet a normal job or something. I never understood why you and Suguru chose this life in the first place. You have no obligation here.â
âWhat the hell are you saying?â you laughed. You think (hope) sheâs just joking.Â
âQuit jujutsu while you still can. I mean, thereâs nothing here for you anyway.âÂ
Obviously, you didnât quit. Shoko would get frustrated with you sometimes, throwing her hands up as she chewed on the end of her cigarette. You were twenty-four, recently promoted to Grade One, when you had your worst argument. Deep down, you knew Shoko was only worried about you. Yet, some hubristic, selfish part of you thought she believed you to be weak, unable to hold your own.Â
âYou never listen to me!â she shouted. Each year, you saw her eyebags growing deeper and deeper. She was using her RCT constantly on herself too; you knew this, because you knew that because sheâd been smoking a pack a day for two years.Â
You just came back from a mission. You werenât in the mood for a screaming match again. Like a child, you swung your legs as you sat on one of Shokoâs operating tables, simply tuning out her voice as she went on and on.Â
Sometimes you wished you wouldnât have to hear her voice.Â
Eventually, she said, âWhat am I supposed to do, huh?! When I find you on my table one day?!âÂ
You snapped, and said, âWouldnât it be easier for you then, so you could stop pestering me?!âÂ
Shoko had paused, mouth hanging wide open. You winced. You didnât mean that. Mostly.Â
She was seething now, digging her nails into her palms.Â
âAre you serious? Do you think I want to see the love of my life fucking dead?!âÂ
And it went on like that. Of course, you both apologized at some point, swore to never argue like this again. You were tired, she was tired, you both spat words you didnât mean.Â
But you tend to circle around each other like that. It always came back to this argument- Shoko begging you to leave jujutsu behind, and you stubbornly refusing.Â
You circled back to this again, before you left for that mission.Â
âThen how come you wonât listen to me when I tell you to quit smoking?â you said.
 It was a friendly little jab, really. You hadnât intended to come off as mean, or however it was that Shoko perceived you. You werenât even arguing at this point. Shoko said that you would make a cute teacher- maybe a normal high school teacher or something. She talked about how good you were with English when you were still in school, during the few non-jujutsu related lessons.Â
You only sighed at her proposition, before giving her that question yourself.Â
âCanât you just-â and then she stopped, and lit another cigarette. You liked irony. âWhy do I even bother?âÂ
In the end, you couldnât quite place what it was that drew you to sorcery. Shoko was right. You could do whatever it was you wanted. Perhaps it was the same reason that pulled Suguru to the profession. You felt a genuine desire to help others. To protect the weak. To attempt to find morality in a world that was fundamentally immoral. To find others like you, bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, eyes of your eyes. A saviour complex perhaps, though you wouldnât exactly flatter yourself with that. A god complex? You were no Gojo Satoru. Whatever the reason, it kept you in like a honey trap and ivy.Â
It wasnât all bad though. As much as you two fought, you still had Shoko.Â
You wake again in the backseat of a car. The body you had held is no longer in your arms, and you begin to panic. They were so little. Small, still barely out of childhood.Â
Youâre lying down, you realize, and the blood from your side seems to have long since stopped. Slowly you pull yourself upward into a sitting position, groaning as a new wave of pain crests over you.Â
Suguruâs eyes flick up to the rearview mirror to meet yours. âLie back down, you idiot,â he says. Thereâs no heat in his voice, though- you know that heâs all talk with you.Â
He rolls his eyes (predictable) and tells Ijichi to drive faster. The poor man fumbles, muttering that heâs going as fast as he can. Suguru isnât Satoru, but you can tell heâs holding back words by the way his jaw clenches.Â
Suddenly, you remember. âWhereâs-?â You groan again in pain.
âSatoru will recover their body after he defeats the curse.âÂ
If thereâs a body to recover goes unsaid. The curse was some kind of plant-type thing, whose vines cocooned the bodies it killed, consuming them in an indirect way. Almost like an amoeba. You laughed, the first time you drew that comparison.Â
You lower yourself back into a lying position, brushing your fingertips along your bandaged side where the blood had leaked through. It was a vibrant, violent red, like the colour of bursting berries. Suguru leans his head against the side of the car as rain continues to pelt at the window. The noise was comforting. It could lull you into sleep, you think to yourself, and you close your eyes.Â
âYou should try it sometime,â Shoko offered her cigarette to you. She was smoking in her dorm again, despite the many times Yaga had lectured her about it. She stuffed a rolled up towel into the crack between the door and the ground, and she opened the window all the way, so that the smoke may leave with the summer breeze. You heard from somewhere that smoking while showering was a good way to hide the smoke, since it would just follow the steam or something. You werenât totally against the idea of showering together.Â
âThanks for the offer, but I donât intend to die from lung cancer,â you said, waving her hand away.Â
Shoko shrugged before taking another drag. âYour loss,â she said. She pursed her lips and puffed outward, making a ring of smoke. It lasted for a few seconds before dissipating. You rolled your eyes.Â
She lifted the cigarette to your lips, and this time you comply, gently taking it from her hand to put it in your own lips. Shoko laughed as you hacked and coughed, hitting your chest and handing the cigarette back to her.Â
âWow. Smoke much?â she teased.Â
âYeah, yeah,â you croaked. âYou canât be mad at me for staying anymore though,â you smiled. âYouâre just as self destructive as I am.âÂ
You end up on Shokoâs table again. You always do.Â
When you wake up once more, you see Shoko hovering above you, the fluorescent lights above her making a hazy halo over her. Wow. My guardian angel. You can already sense the lecture that is coming.Â
To your surprise, Shoko doesnât say anything. Her expression is unreadable as she begins to work on your wounds, undressing the haphazardly wrapped bandages around your torso. They are soaked with blood, dripping onto the linoleum floor. You wince as cold air suddenly hits the area, making you hiss as you suck in a breath. Shoko pays you no mind.Â
She works in silence. You feel the warmth from her fingertips as her RCT does its magic on you. Slowly but surely, your flesh restitches together, skin folding over itself to close the gaping hole at your side.Â
âWhere is she? Aiko?â you manage to croak. Your mission partner. How old was she, you wonder? Eighteen? Nineteen?Â
Finally, Shoko lowers her surgeonâs mask. âDead.âÂ
Your brows furrow. âYeah, I knew that, genius. I mean, did Satoru bring her body back or not?â
Shoko nods. âHe got here before you did.âÂ
Right. Of course he did.Â
âOkay. Thatâs, uhm. Good to know.â You turn away to look up at the ceiling, blinking slowly. Your vision is a bit fuzzy around the edges, and you could feel sleep tugging at your eyelids once again. You hear the scrape of metal against the floor, and from your peripheral, you see Shoko has pulled a chair over to sit beside you. She takes one of your hands and rests it against her forehead.Â
âI thought you were mad at me,â you say.Â
âI am,â she deadpans. âIâm still mad at you.â
You donât turn your head over to look at her. Youâre petty in that way.Â
âThen what are you doing?âÂ
Shoko completely ignores you. âOne day, youâre going to be the death of me.â
You want to bite back: Iâll probably be dead before you. You wouldnât be wrong in saying that, either. Shoko hasnât been out on the actual field in years. Sheâs too valuable to lose. Unlike you- apparently youâre expendable enough to be sent on a mission with a misgraded curse. So was Aiko. Satoruâs taken care of it, at least.Â
God, you think to yourself, how the hell are you supposed to tell her parents?Â
Shoko kisses your palm, and finally you turn your head. Sheâs cupped your hand against her cheek. She looks at you like the world. She waits for you to say something. You swallow.Â
âIâm sorry,â you say. You donât apologize often. Shoko knows that all too well, too, and she raises an eyebrow in suspicion. âDonât look at me like that,â you deadpan.Â
âSorry,â Shoko laughs. âGo on, go on.âÂ
âIâm⌠sorry for getting injured and having to put you through this. And Iâm sorry for not listening to you and getting arrogant about it.âÂ
âMhmm,â Shoko nods. She holds your hand in her lap, playing with the tips of your fingers. She only ever does that when she craves a smoke.Â
âWell, I canât exactly not forgive you.âÂ
âAww, you love me that much?â
Shoko gives your hand back to you, and you let it rest over your stomach. You can feel the phantom ache with your wound, the ghost of that spiked vine tendril that had pierced right through you. Your fingers twitch involuntarily at the memory.Â
Shoko notices. Usually, at this point, Shoko would try again to convince you to quit. I can support us both. You could do whatever you wanted; the worldâs always been a pearl in your hand. Hell, you donât even have to do anything. You could just stay at home instead.Â
How much longer until you're another body on my table, like Aiko? Like Riko and Haibara?Â
But Shoko doesnât say anything. Youâd never agree; she hates your stubbornness as much as she loves it. Sheâs learned your lesson with you.Â
âRest,â she says, and she leans over to kiss your forehead. Your eyes scrunch shut, nose wrinkling, and your expression is so cute she gives you another peck above your eyelids again. âIâll be back.âÂ
âOkay,â you say. âI love you.â
Shoko hesitates for a moment. âI love you too.âÂ
divider by @uzmacchiato !!
a/n: first post kinda nervous,,,, i need more shoko works im starving