Chapters

Oh god it hurts so much

I want to come off my meds, im so tired of side effects. Im so tired of being this way

I miss them so much, what do i do with all this? Where do i put it when they are gone?

Im suffocating in this life, i wish i did not make the choices i did when i became self aware

I wish i could still draw. I hate my paintings so much they are so amateur i look upon them and see my own laziness in not studying the arts

This darkness is consuming me, i dont know how to fix it. I fear i may be too far gone.

I walk the same steps we used to do as kids, now alone.

I knew on the last day i saw her that it would be my last time seeing her. It was like my soul knew something i didnt, pushing me to savour the moment before it was gone like it was never there

The bloodied cross lays at my doorstep, i know i can pick it up but it consumes me

I cut and cut and cut, smoke and smoke and smoke, starve and starve and starve and yet my wounds remain untouched

I want to know how sick someone can get. Im pushing myself to become a husk and for what? Curiosity in self destruction

They cauterised their wound in holy fire. Mine remains.

I look at myself in the mirror and i get sicker each day, im starting to not recognise the woman looking back at me

why did you leave me? i was only a child

Im so fucking angry next person to test my patience is going in a bodybag

Waiting to wake up from all this

I hate being gay sm. i wish i wasnt. Because i know i can never have the “normal” life that everyone who i grew up with has, they all are married now and im still here disappointing my parents and getting my heart broken over girls who never would have liked me to begin with. I want so desperately to just be happy and content with my lot in life but it is so hard when i know i was cursed from the beginning. I hate how humans have an innate need for other humans, i just want to be alone and not need anyone. People always betray you eventually, i wish i could just be happy living a life where i didnt need anyone.