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you are going to do great things, despite everything that’s happening in your life. it’s just a hurdle in your track - to a pedestal that is always going to be there for you. it makes you who you are and that is why things feel so different. but in reality, it’s comparing your life to someone else’s that makes things so incomparable. you are not your father, your mother, nor are you your sibling.

in the grand scheme of things, it really is each to their own. they are working on what they want to achieve and it just so happens that they’ve figured it out so early on, relative to others. (or maybe they don’t, and it’s not only to be ‘the best they can be’, but to also set an example for you - the youngest of them all)

anyone who knows you would know that you’ve always compared yourself to your brother. he’s doing this, he’s doing that, he has this, he has that. but hey, he’s not doing the same thing as you. he’s not you and you’re not him. i don’t say that in a ‘you will never be capable of being as accomplished(?) as he is’ type of way, by any means. i say it as ‘your life is your life. that is all you should ever need to focus on.’

i know it’s hard to have a positive outlook on it all, and maybe everything as a whole just makes your personal achievements appear so small. but as you said, that’s what you’ve worked so hard for. things are done one step at a time. another cliche coming: nobody is perfect.

you’re interested in something completely different, where it may be more difficult for someone to merely jump onto the bandwagon - one that leads them to a career path in that field. might i add: your sentiments are also different, and you might never really know what’s going on in your brother’s mind. but no matter the circumstances, again, your life is your life.

it’s gotten to a point where it’s just so hysterical. like hah.. as if

currently considering the gopro hero5 in black vs. canon g7x mark ii - it’s more expensive, though. but i like the quality and sound quality.. but apparently the hero5 vers. has improved audio quality too? idk we will see!

on my wishlist:

- either hero5 or mark ii

- final cut pro

- happiness

- good grades

why would you wish me happiness and good living if the happiness was you, and the laughs were well with you, and the love was well with you? you're telling me, selfishly, that you hope for me to have a good life after leaving me. you're saying that you wish that i am in good hands. but this is from what you want and not from what i want, nor from what i am actually feeling. you stole my happiness and you stole my laughter. that all left when you left.

how can you wish me a good life when my life was good with you. in a sense, i'm living the next best option - i'm living the way i had to because you gave me no other choice.

to say that i slipped up a few times is an understatement - dude i fucked up so bad that you, in the end, felt nothing but the need to get away from me. i can’t blame you for that.

but i want to treat this man with all the respect and honesty that i have. i don’t dare make the same mistakes that i’d made with you, because this is my second chance. this is the second chance i never really got and i don’t want to stuff up.

the thing is though, is this wrong?

i feel like the time to make a decision is soon, because i don’t want you to lose sight of me before whatever i do is unwanted.