I'm just an animal looking for a home

Aries: "ah yes..6 months..the perfect age to start boxing classes"

Taurus: [uses a baby-carrier on their teenager]

Gemini: "listen buddy, i don't care what you did at preschool imma bout to tell you about MY day."

Cancer: rushes their kid to the hospital after a stubbed toe

Leo: is prepared to physically fight their child's bullies

Virgo: [pulls out a calculus textbook] "story time."

Libra: the mom in "stacy's mom"

Scorpio: "a lullaby? alright baby....bitches aint shit and they aint sayin nothin..a hundred mutha fuckas..."

Sagittarius: [newborn vomits on them] "what the...i did not raise you to be like this"

Capricorn: "beautiful baby right? well. not as beautiful as me but..you know, we can't all be so blessed."

Aquarius: [burns their kids hw] "you dont need this..its all up to the system....listen, there's a rebellion coming"

hera: hoe don't do it

zeus: *gets woman pregnant*