MY HONEY!

me: i must resist my primal urges a fool: they must mean sex me: *thinking in winstons voice* penut buter

I ordered Jimmy Johns and it took the delivery man 5 minutes and 1 second to bring me my food and he showed up with a katana and my sandwich and said “I’m so sorry, I’ve gone over my time promise, please, dispose of me, I am worthless” and handed me the katana and I was like “yo what, I don’t care dude, go back to your work it’s fine” and he was like “THEN BOSS WILL DISPOSE OF ME YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I BROKE THE PROMISE” and then cops showed up and started shooting at him and was like “YOU’RE TOO KIND LADY, HE MUST DIE, ITS A LAW.” and then one cop started swinging the katana at his neck then I woke up

Source name. Keep forgetting to look at source names

a single distant, but very loud, yeehaw