Bastards

"Hearing a little too much demand for x-ray vision from the other half of this argument"

"No machine could ever speak our holy tongue, though an elefun may try"

"Your corpse will still be singing after I'm done"

"I respect the sentiment but I actually am going to ignore you and continue as I wish"

"I'm going start a dinosaur themed cafe called The Saur Spot"

"Uranus, the great they/them hole in the sky"

"The day I start taking things seriously is the day you find god dead at my feet"

"Henry Hoover is basically a mech"

"Those who do not learn the law are doomed to repeat it"

"Why would you bring a squeaky hammer to a pool noodle fight?"

"Nothing more demoralising than coming together as a group to solve a mystery and losing at the final moments to the guy quoting A Christmas Carol"

"I am the prettiest mountain goat this side of the Mississippi"

"There's something terribly aggravating about using the wrong method to get the right answer and then being proven right, don't prove me wrong and right pick one, what kind of bisexual 'told you so' is this?"

"While you were solving the mystery, I was roleplaying as Ebenezer Scrooge"

"Oh, to be clear I'm telling contradictory lies to disrupt productive conversation, that's my plan right now"

"The familiar tones of the man in the microwave"