I’m not where I thought I would be by 24. In my mind, I would have graduated college today. I thought I would have published a book by now. I did not think I would be married, in an apartment far-ish away from home. I wanted to be published and on my career path by now. I do not even now what my career path is. I have no idea what I want to do besides that I want to work with animals. I figure I’ll end up in a bookstore, which I would kind of life. Books can't die like animals do. If a book is abused the only feeling hurt are my own and not the life of an animal’s.Â
I’m writing today because I am depressed. I am 24 and cannot drive yet on y own. I still have to learn to parallel park. My husband is away for work and I am incredibly lonely. I have so many fur babies and I am still so lonely. I have been awake a grand total of probably five hours today and I am about to go to sleep again. I finally broke down and agreed to go to church with my mother-in-law, just to get out of the house. Sorry, Jesus, it's not for you, it's for me. I am so incredibly lucky to have what I do and yet I am depressed. I am hoping that once I can drive and get a job I’ll feel better.Â
I am not even sure what brought this wave on besides my husband not being home. I miss my best friend like crazy. We both can’t drive yet which is just making things harder. Between not having her around or Jake I am a mess.  I think I just feel useless in general and my brain is using it to make me feel like crap. My brain and hormones are currently at war. One day I have the worst case of baby fever and the next the thought of a child gives me an anxiety attack.Â
Just typing that out made my chest hurt. The chest pains and coughs are probably another reason that I’ve been depression waving. Coughing for a few months is enough to freak anyone out. My heart has been hurting on top of it but the monitor showed nothing weird. So maybe with any luck, it's just bad acid reflux. Gastro appointment Monday, so maybe they can shed some light on the situation and the bad stomach pains I’ve been having.Â
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